Unable to move on!

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  • #5609 Report

    Di4ne
    Participant

    Does anyone else share the same feelings as me. Ive been divorced now 8 years. Was married 12. Have two lovely kids. Ive been in many dead end relationships but when one comes along that has ‘potential’ I run a mile. I seem to only be able to have ‘safe’ relationships where I know wont go anywhere long term. This is totally wrong I know but safe is good. How do I get out of this and move forward?

    #5787 Report

    PG73
    Participant

    HI Diane,

    I guess I can relate to what you are experiencing and I guess you have to ask yourself why, why do you run a mile when the relationship has potential. You deserve better than dead end relationships. Maybe take a deep breath and let go alittle, failing that explore more of how you are feeling when you are in a good relationship and you begin to feel anxious.

    Paul

    #5810 Report

    VanillaLatte
    Participant

    Hey there. I was asking myself a similar question the other day. I know so many people who have a horrendous break up with their children’s other parent then are in another brand new long term relationship within 6 months. How?! I haven’t even managed to go on a date this year. I don’t think I’m that picky, but I have gotten better at responding to potential red flags rather than keep going flogging a dead horse. But why am I picking dead horses in the first place? Like you, I don’t remember the last relationship I had that felt like a keeper.

    Wish I had the answer! But youre not alone

    #5829 Report

    Taram
    Participant

    Good on ya girl! I did the same for a long time. It’s normal so dont feel any regret just yet. At the precise moment your probably buzy with other commitments  ie child responsibilities etc so you realky just not ready yet to get out from one deep end fall into another, i mean, it will still be a gamble after all so your quit normal to stick to relationships where your feeling safe right now- basically go by your instincts.All i can really say as a word of advice, from my own exerience, one day you will wake up, feeling alone, you will look in the mirrow and say, wow, im now aging and still single and your kids will be going their own ways and the fact you wont be getting any more, or limited amount of attention from those so called ‘safe’ relationships, will hit u rock bottom! So dont have a blind eye for the Mr Right- his out there just like you enjoying the safe zone but who knows when you both will click n feel safe with one another! So if you are not getting any where with these good bye people then the right one has just not yet knocked on your door, so have fun, carry on but deep inside be selfish n keep hunting so you dont ever face that lonely hole that we all experience once a life time in our single lifes.

    #6172 Report

    Mummy-Sparkle
    Participant

    Hi there,

    I can really relate to this. I’m currently seeing someone who I really can’t see a long term relationship/future happening with. He’s incredibly loving and caring… but I often get an emotional block where all my emotions just seem to switch off. My husband wanted to separate when our first born was 19 months and our second born, only 10 days old. I think I just have a coping mechanism and I’m happy to let ‘good/positive’ people near me….. but to fully engage in a relationship- I find quite a hideous thought!? My girls are now 3 and 4…. I don’t know what the answer is, only that we should try to go with our gut and trust that maybe one day meeting the ‘right’ person will actually feel ‘right’? Good luck x

    #6189 Report

    GDlonely36
    Participant

    Wow I can so relate to this, up until a very recent relationship which has changed direction considerably, I to ran a mile from ‘nice’ guys, up until said relationship I look back and now realise I went into relationships with ‘broken’ men I. E needed me to help them, for example my relationship of 4 years was contort with areas I wanted to fix, drinking, debt, roughness, I went into that relationship with low self esteem (still have) but straight away found ‘projects’ to work on, all of which failed as said individual didn’t take on board any of my help and his head was buried in sand with debt stiff… So I plucked up the courage following the last mistake he was going to make with me (more debt) and decided to leave, then someone so lovely came along he’s put up with alot from me and he’s been so lovely, mature, caring, I can finally say I’ve found my soul mate however it would appear that this relationship now may not last due to reasons out side of our control and I am devastated, he’s been a guy who hasn’t needed fixing and I’ve loved every minute of it, it’s been refreshing to have someone look after me for a change and not being the one doing the looking after….i now no I have areas I need to work on as in this relationship when things have got a little tough I’ve wanted to leave…. But equally stay… Work in progress me!

    #7449 Report

    Di4ne
    Participant

    Thanku for all your positive posts. Makes me feel so much better knowing im not the only one who stays in the ‘safe zone’. I suppose I feel guilty about braking up my marriage which was my idea as we were both not happy. Our breakup was hard but not messy, he even stayed in the house for 6 years and we lived like that in sep rooms. It worked for us. The kids got older and we had to change things so he moved out 3 years ago. I look at my life now at 41 and think will I ever settle down again. Its much harder dating now than when I met my ex! Kids in tow makes it complicated. I have no time. I work all ours to provide for them. Me time!! Whats that. Who in their right mind wants to date a single busy working mum, I feel guilty for dating them for these reasons. Then when I give in and a guy im dating suggests staying at mine I think hang on! This is my house. My kids house. I cant share that. Its a mindfield of emotions. I suppose there are no right answers and when Mr Right comes knocking I assume it will just feel right. Maybe im destined to be alone forever 😳

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