Unable to find a new relationship.

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  • #19820 Report

    genuinefella65
    Participant

    I am finding it very hard to find someone willing to date a single father with a child.

    Despite so many internet profiles claiming to be family orientated and you will have to accept my children and pets etc.

    I can only assume it is my age 53 and my child age 10,the last time I was single for 3 years,I was still at school.

    Any suggestions to overcome this problem would be welcome.

    I dearly want to love and be loved.

    #19822 Report

    Kathymumofone
    Participant

    I don’t know what to suggest, only that  you aren’t the only one.

    I’m 54, one child and the same problem. I’ve decided to leave it until my son is 17 and needs me around less. I fill my time with work & my son & hobbies/friends.

    #19827 Report

    genuinefella65
    Participant

    Thanks for your reply,I can only carry on trying and hopefully don`t have to wait much longer.

    #19831 Report

    BC_Kid
    Participant

    Feel for you man! I divorced almost 3 years ago after finding out ex was cheating… Find it difficult to trust subsequently and socially it’s hard work getting motivated for another date. Online dating not enamoured with it .

    Try joining Meetup (app on iOS or android phones) and expanding your social circle that way. I did and have met some fabulous people from all walks of life to go to the cinema, drinks, meals etc.

    Hope it works out 😀

    #19834 Report

    genuinefella65
    Participant

    Thanks,I will give Meet Up a go.

    #20457 Report

    calibragirl1972
    Participant

    Hi i found the same as im almost 47 with a 6 and 4 year old . i think  people that age want an easy life as their children are all grown up so i gave up .

    #20460 Report

    genuinefella65
    Participant

    Thanks for your reply, I have 99% also given up as it’s becoming depressing. I have as someone else has suggested looking more to socialising through various clubs. A case of,if it happens,it happens.

     

    #20506 Report

    calibragirl1972
    Participant

    I know what you mean. I have my girls 24/7 now so find it impossible plus i live out in the sticks a bit so childcare is practically non existant . Ive a cat so ill turn into a crazy old cat lady 😊

    #20510 Report

    kentmale72
    Participant

    hi i can relate to this, find the same problems, when i do find someone that i think this could be it, it seems to go wrong, other people seem to manage it, even when they have rows they seem to muddle on.  I live in hope, i have one cat as well so maybe i will be a mad cat man lol x

    #20511 Report

    calibragirl1972
    Participant

    Lol at least the cat wont answer back . Though my neighbours probsbly hear me randomly yelling / swearing at the cat in the middle of the night . Hes very popular within the street lol he makes out hes never fed so they all take pity on him .

    #20514 Report

    Welshdad
    Participant

    Yeah it is difficult.  What I would say about those sites though having tried in the past on and off, is that there seems to be a pattern where there seems to be a specific few people within a certain area (say within 20 mile radius) that almost have a shopping list in terms of criteria for potential partners.  The convenience of having people’s profiles put in front of them seems to have drawn away from reality and they live in a fantasy world where they are going to meet someone that ticks EVERY single box.  Real life doesn’t work that way and what I’ve found is that those same people were on there when I tried a couple of years ago, still there a year ago, and even recently – which says more about the people on there still than those such as yourself who have had no luck.  I have had some dates and made some friends using those but gave up in the end and decided to quit while I was ahead cause it as you said can be quite soul destroying.

    Think about it in terms of the general population, and then a very small specific part of the population being on the site you’ve tried, then an even smaller percentage within an age range, and even smaller within specific area etc.  If you come against rejection (especially if it’s derogatory comments about being a parent, where you get the “I don’t do kids”, or “I think it’s really selfish how parent split with young kids” etc… or people jealous of time spent with kids (yep had that one too!) or the myriad of other comments by people who don’t have a clue), then seriously don’t let it get you down, because those people are the same people that have been on there searching for their ideal and not found it, and they will be in that perpetual state for a very long time, the same old cycle.  I can’t claim to know what it’s like being an older parent, and I must admire you for it… but seriously do not let any dating site knock your confidence.  You’re better than that, and it’s not a true representation of the general population… just people who are small minded, people you could do without in any case 🙂

    I’ve had one good relationship since I split, and that was through a work colleague (something that wasn’t expected), but unfortunately was short lived as she was a single parent also, and struggling to find time to sustain it due to zero support from the kid’s father, and there were some difficulties with her kids adjusting to her situation and of course they had to come first.  I don’t regret a minute of it and it was a really uplifting time with good memories, just sometimes it’s all about timing.

    Dating a single parent, when you are a single parent is a double edged sword because you have someone who understands your situation, but at the same time has the same problems in terms of time constraints.  For what it’s worth though my take on it is that I’d much sooner date another single parent despite the challenges just for someone that understands as opposed to someone who doesn’t understand, or doesn’t respect that as a parent kids come first.

    That is something I think that outweighs any of the obstacles that are there and makes it worthwhile in the end.

    Shared interest groups of any kind and activities or anything where you meet new people I think are great ideas, it’s just a case of finding time – many of the online ones such as meetup seem to be great if you happen to be free at specific times but again it’s finding suitable activities and cover if you’re the main parent, but even as the secondary parent due to other commitments such as work it’s finding time that’s suitable.  It’s a gap in the market really, where there could be an app that you just put in days and times you’re free and bang there goes a list of potential activities to do during those times and others looking for the same but it really is a needle in a haystack and sometimes just a case of pure chance meeting new people.

    I truly understand where you are coming from but please don’t let bad experiences make you lose hope or get down, as it that affects everything else.  Once you’re positive and happy being yourself and doing as good a job as you can being a parent, as well as an individual it makes a huge difference to attraction to other people, so gaining that and sustaining it is really important.  I must admit at times this is something I’ve lost sight of but you can really see the difference in how people are with you.. and be it making new friends or starting a relationship if you are as positive as possible it makes finding either a lot easier as you don’t have to go looking, people come to you.

    The main thing is learning to be happy yourself first, and after a separation of any kind depending on the circumstances this is something that can take quite some time…..

     

     

     

     

    #20516 Report

    Harry Potter
    Participant

    Hi All

    Just to add my comments to this. I thought it would be hard, Dad to a 4 & 6 year old and aged 47 myself.

    i joined a dating website, and found there are so many people out there in the same boat, older adults with young children doesn’t seem that unusual.

    I have been seeing someone now for 3 months, we both have children and finding adult only time started off challenging, but now I’ve met her children that has created a lot more free time. Sometimes we might meet just for an hour, but we accept that’s life at the moment.

    Dating websites may not be everyone’s thing, certainly wouldn’t have been mine, but it has opened up like minded/like situation people and some turn into good friends with similar life challenges

     

    #20517 Report

    Schubert
    Participant

    Hi Genuinefella 65,

    Hope you’re well. I can relate to how you’re feeling. I’m a mum to 3 children and carer to 1 who has quite complex needs.

    When guys hear about this, often they lose interest . For now I’m really happy with what I’ve got, my kids are everything to me and maybe one day someone will come along. For now I’m just going to concentrate on myself and the children.

    Please feel free to chat, I’ll always listen.

    Have a great day

    #20521 Report

    genuinefella65
    Participant

    Some very understanding feelings coming through and sincere advice too,Thank You,it is uplifting and inspiring.

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