Unable to cope as a single dad

[Gkimih]

Hi I’m new to the site and seeking advice on my situation. 2 years ago I lost my wife to cancer leaving me full time dad to my two young children 3 and 4 at the time. I coped well with the loss as it was incurable from the start and dealt with it before it happened, not to say it was still devastating but knowing it was happening I had to just deal with it and be there for my family.

Around 7 months after I met an amazing woman, we fell in love and married a year later (this march) but during the relationship I fell ill with mental health issues and was in denial about it all the way. I was a stay at home dad with a little part time job and ended up becoming a depressed angry man. Eventually driving my new wife away after just a few months in late June. Despite her constant support and guidance I denied any problems and only weeks before she left started seeking help. But was to late and she left as she couldn’t cope anymore. After weeks seeing a psychiatrist I’m feeling that I’m not capable of being a solo parent as I don’t have the paternal drive needed. obviously I love my kids but they have spent the summer with their aunty and are doing great to the point we have discussed them living there to be best for the kids which I don’t disagree with but no one else does and I’m left feeling torn. over the summer I have lost my new wife my job and now close to losing my home. I feel my kids would be better away from it all and benefit in the long run. I want to do what’s best for them not me but also don’t want to resent being a solo dad not capable ofdoing the job and being miserable

[Scubachik]

This does sound like a very tough and challenging situation. I recently read a book by a dad in the same boat, he had a blog called https://lifeasawidower.com/

 

You are not alone! Nobody can do it on their own, 24/7, all year round. It is good you have the support of your sister, but I believe your kids would probably miss you and their home if they were to live with a new carer and not their parent.

Please keep reaching out to all the help that is out there. Have you joined WAY (widowed and young)? My friend lost her husband too when their kids were young, do keep building your network, take your meds or see the counsellor, whatever works for you, be patient. This is a horrible, crisis situation and you are surviving as best you can.

You are the only dad/parent your kids have, hang in there and I am sure your network, your strength, your confidence will increase over time.

There may be a HomeStart service in your area, a volunteer who comes once a week and offers support. Speak to Camhs and your kids’ school/nursery, there is definitely help and you don’t have to master this situation on your own.

We all lose faith sometimes, and struggle with low moods. You never know, your ex may come back into your life and understand you better, and you may not be alone forever. Go to some Gingerbread group meetings and have faith in yourself, I am so sorry for your loss.x

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