I’m feeling overwhelmed, that at any moment the pressure will become too much to handle and I’ll ruin everything in trying to do the right thing. But I don’t know what that is!
I’m hoping someone reading this will relate to the challenges and feelings and share with me their experiences. Because I feel like I’m alone, though know many others have been here too.
The crux of the problem is my partner (of 7 years) and my daughter (11) really don’t like each other. That’s not unusual I’m told!
My ex and I broke up amicably. We both moved on into new relationships, mine has lasted yet my ex has had a pretty torrid time with boyfriends. As a result my ex began resenting the relationship I was in and started turning our daughter against my new partner. Gradually relations between myself and my ex broke down, becoming very frosty and unconstructive. Not long after my partner became pregnant 3 years ago my ex very suddenly decided to move 300 miles away to start a new relationship with a man she met on line. She called it “a new start”. Until she moved my daughter would spend every other weekend and half the holidays with me, my partner and her 3 children. Before she moved the relationship between my daughter and my partner had become increasingly fragile, but our family was a happy and constructive place. The kids all got along really well!
Following the move I now only see my daughter during the school holidays, if that! But since moving away the relationship between my daughter and my partner has turned toxic. I’m certain my ex has played a role in making my partner out to be a wicked stepmother. But my partner sees my daughter as a mini version of her mum, highly manipulative, deceiving and untrustworthy. They just see the worst in each other. Now we’re at the point that my daughter does not want to see us anymore. She wants to see me but not the rest of the family, my partner, her children and her half-brother. Even just thye mention of my daughter to my partner creates tension.
I’m finding the situation so hard to deal with that I’ve fallen out of love with my partner. I’m no longer a good father figure for her kids as I’m depressed, resentful and angry. I gravitate towards my son when I’m low and distance myself from the others. It hurts my partner seeing the once strong relationship I have with her kids fall apart. Everything is falling apart! I want to love them all again but I can’t whilst my daughter is an unwelcome piece of my past for my partner. It’s as if I’m grieving for her, which is ridiculous!
I don’t know what to do! Tried counselling / CBT. I don’t want to give up on the relationship with my partner and the kids, they’ve already been through so much in their young lives. And I know I should love my partner, she is amazing and I’m lucky to have her. But I can’t carry on like this. I want to believe that things can be worked out between my daughter and my partner. And when they do that I’ll fall back in love with my partner and her kids. Is that reality or stupidity?
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