Hey all. I’m Charlie, I’m 29 and as of July, widowed. I’m trans and gay and kind of miserable about both. I know people think I’m a freak and I wish I wasn’t. My kids were born at 26 weeks and I keep having flashbacks to the delivery room. They’re still in NICU and I can’t hold them yet and when I see them crying it kills me. I love them but I’m scared and I don’t know if I can do this. I just want a friend. I think. Thanks.
Congrats on your babies :). Welcome to parenthood. you can do it. it tough seeing your babies and not being able to hold them. my son was in hospital at 7months with Meningitis and I couldn’t hold him or touch him as he was in too much pain, its heartbreaking but please know that they are in the best place and it sounds like they are little fighters and you WILL get that cuddle and it will be the most amazing cuddle in the world.
As for the rest, ignore them. your true friends and family love you just the way you are and if they do think that then they are so not worth it.
so sending you the biggest hug and you have got this.
First let me tell you something, you are not a freak, you can’t wish you were not something that you actually aren’t.
What you are is a woman going through things that break lesser people so that tells me you are a beautiful, bright, intelligent and super strong woman, you may not feel it at the moment but those wonderful attributes are there within you and they will carry you and your littles ones thru.
As hard as things are in your life right now I promise you these things will pass and better days will come to you, nothing stays the same. Please just try take one day at a time til you can picture a great tomorrow.
We all have times when we think we can’t do this but you can honestly, you can. It will take your beauty and your strength to accomplish the life with your children that you want, you have this.