Turning to dating sites with low self esteem

[Lullabelle]

Hi everyone.

I’m newly joined on here because I realised I have no single parent friends and it’s good to get empathy. Basically I have had a rough few days of feeling very tearful.

I have severe low self esteem issues and the symptoms lessen when in a relationship. I know I have to work on myself and be happy single, I know that. But I find myself obsessively signing up to dating sites and searching for people to make me feel validated and wanted.

I do have some counselling sessions booked to help me with my problems. I know I need to be happy just being me. But sometimes my urge to chat to people on dating sites and then (when I can) meet up with them and then feeling awful when the dating doesn’t work out is overwhelming.

Not looking for advice really, just for anyone who feels or has felt similar in the past. I’m trying to do the right things to work on me but particularly in this time of lonely lockdown, it’s hard.

[Sherinam]

Most people turn to these websites for comfort and to connect with people . Personally you need to love yourself and like your own company before you sign to these sites and chat to people who may be fake with fake profiles.

When I am feeling a bit low , which is not often I go on very long walks on own, with friend or child . I start to see things differently! We have forests, huge parks and I always get chatting to complete strangers  who I have made friends with.

So go online and invest in some comfy boots and gloves and the world is your oyster .

We have discovered our tow path and the amazing wildlife and you know what ….it’s all free!!!!!

[Lullabelle]

Thanks Sherinam,

You’re totally right and I know I shouldn’t date while feeling low. I suppose sometimes I know things but still don’t follow my own advice? And then do them anyway and then beat myself up about them! It’s a cycle!!

Long walks and being outdoors always helps!! Thank you.xx

[Westernchampion]

I know just what you mean.  I do a similar thing. I think a lot of us do.  Loving yourself and liking your own company is great  but that’s not always enough for everyone. We just have to do what’s best for us and then hopefully our self esteem doesn’t take too much of a battering if it doesn’t work out.

[Jen]

You have hit the nail on the head for me . I do feel valadated whilst chatting on these sites but then reality kicks in and your back to square one . I just think I’m getting to old to meet a patner now I’m 50 and don’t want to be alone forever .

[Andy0923]

Most people try to find happiness from someone else before been happy with themselves which will most likely end up been with someone who is is not a good fit, which would be worse than been on your own long term. I find something like this site really helpful as there is no hidden agenda from people and we all understand the situation eachother is in.

[robbent]

I think dating sites are not great for self esteem, you tell all about yourself in a few lines which is pretty impossible and you feel judged if you don’t get likes and comments as all these social media sites do.

I’d say getting out and about in any capacity and talking to people is a great start and i agree with what has been stated previously on this forum is a group of like minded people offering advice not judgement.

[Raspberry]

O dear god yes that’s me!!! I’m so glad to read that normal sane people do this.

It’s a self destructive pattern and don’t I know it.

I’m not a needy loony. The chat makes you feel upbeat and alive. You project the best version of yourself and feel the positive feedback lift your spirits.

But the comedown is the realisation that it’s all so fake and the ghosting OMG the ghosting is just heart crushing.

So glad I found this forum.

You’re all gorgeous and fabulous and don’t need the validation from random strangers xxx

[steve3334]

if your not mentally sound and ready for a new relationship, then it would not likely turn out well. you may meet someone, then all you do is talk about your ex, which I imagine would be very off-putting for that person. It’s also a kind of red flag that the person has not gotten over their ex and whatever they suffered.

[Lullabelle]

Thankyou everyone 😊. I know I shouldn’t do the dating site thing while I’m feeling low. But it’s sonicd to know that I’m not on my own with this. That’s all I was looking for, really 😊.

I will reduce/delete my dating app usage. I am enough as I am! (And so are all of you!) xxx

[Lorraine123]

Hi. It can get lonely as a single parent especially at the moment. Can I recommend the frolo app? It’s for single parents to chat and connect with people in your area. Its for friendship rather than dating but might be helpful while you’re working on your self esteem x

[Lullabelle]

Frolo? That’s actually really useful! I was hoping to find some sort of single mum site but more in my area. All my mum friends are in relationships/married and I love them but I’m finding that we have different challenges and sometimes we don’t see from each other’s perspectives!

Frolo

Ok, thank you!!xx

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