Turning the kids against me
13 October 2021 at 8:11 am #61027
I really can’t cope with what is happening to me. After 10 years of marriage my wife has decided to divorce me. She has drug issues and have been unfaithful, while I have been a committed, hard working family man. She has little income so has made it clear she is looking for the majority of our assets and spousal maintenance. We’re still living in the same house while everything gets sorted and now she has turned the kids against me too – they dont want to spend time with me and I’m petrified about how they’ll behave when we finally split. I’ve done nothing wrong but I’m losing everything. How do I cope. I just can’t13 October 2021 at 10:34 am #61038
I have been there. Felt the same and saw the world falling apart in front of me.
Do not panic. Have a good look around and see what your world actually looks like. What is threat and what is only playing in your mind. You have a home, a job, and you still have access to your children. And you want to keep it that way. So calm down and remember what you are. A hard-working family man who has done nothing wrong. Look at what your positives are and get help from family members and friends.
There is a long way for her to go and get what she wants. It’s not 1970 any more. If you think she is setting up the children, get cafcass involved, same for the drug issues. If you think the children are in danger, let them know.
Keep on making offers to your children and stand your ground.
You are your worst enemy at the moment. Stay grounded in what is really happening and don’t get lost in what might happen.
If things are what you wrote, you will not lose everything. You will lose some and win some. In the end, you both will be poorer, but you might be happier.13 October 2021 at 12:03 pm #61044
Thank you – I needed that. I need to take one day at a time, but my brain has a tendency to jump to the future. It’s usually an apocalyptic view of the future too. Life will be much harder there’s no doubt, but I need to find the strength to rebuild and continue being the best dad I can.13 October 2021 at 3:57 pm #61051
GingerbreadHelenKeymaster13 October 2021 at 5:49 pm #61056
Thanks Helen. I’ll take a look.14 October 2021 at 12:55 pm #61352
good to know, I could be of help. We are on a long and bumpy road and for some of us it is very challenging. I wish you all the best and hope you manage to keep your demons at bay. I am in the battle now for five years and my ex has just signed our son into the fifth club so that he has basically no time left to himself any more. Monday orienteering, Tuesday athletics, Wednesday scouts, Thursday athletics, Friday Warhammer Club, Saturday and Sunday either school Rugby or athletics competitions, chess or park run. He is 11.5 and that is how complete control looks like. We can’t take a breath without her knowing what we are doing. As he is in year seven, there is a lot of homework to be done as well. So she is trying to set us up for failure, constantly messaging, you have to do this or that today, shouting us down if anything doesn’t go according to plan, on the expense of our child just to satisfy her abusive and controlling behaviour. Cafcass is already involved, and I sincerely hope someone will help me put an end to this. So you are not alone in this, and we are all suffering one way or the other. Worst of all for the children. Stay strong and keep going.14 October 2021 at 5:55 pm #61575
That sounds very tough, but you’re clearly alive to what’s happening and are hopefully able to do something about it. I’m sure that your son will be under no illusions as he grows older and makes his own decisions too.
It’s mad how people can become inexplicably cruel and selfish isn’t it? In many ways I wish I had never met my wife, but then again I wouldn’t have had my children, so I hold on to that thought. It does make me feel like I can never trust anyone again though.