Trying to separate
11 November 2017 at 10:04 pm #5642
I have been with my daughters father for 6 years now, in this time we have moved repeatedly due to his line of work which has always been an issue for me as my family currently live 90 miles away and I do not drive.
My daughter is 10 months old and my maternity pay has ended so I currently have no money coming in apart from my child benefit. I have not been entitled to any help as my ex earned enough for the both of us. The problem being, that the money was and still is for him and his son from a previous relationship. Obviously he pays for food and the bills are included in the accommodation but that is it. Anything else I have to pay for with what little money I have. I even find myself paying for anything our daughter with little help financially from him.
Things in our relationship have been strained since pregnancy but I just put it down to my hormones and the fact we have been together for a while and then we ended moving 70 miles 2 weeks before I gave birth. I am not even going to pretend that this did not make me resent him. It was jus the beginning of the end in my eyes to be honest. However after having my daughter by emergency caesarean things started to seem different. For 2 weeks everything was great, he helped with the baby which was much appreciated as this is my 1st child. After recovering from surgery things started to take a downward spiral. From 6 weeks onwards I have been looking after my daughter 24/7 with no help during the night feeds nor any help with the house or looking after the baby in general. I would be lucky if he did one feed or nappy change a week, now its lucky if once a month. I understand people who have gone through this completely alone might curse me, but I genuinely have felt like a single parent since my child was around 2 months old. I have felt for a long time that I am trapped, I feel like a single parent but do not have an financial help from anywhere as my “partner” hasn’t been in a partnership and due to him I am not entitled to help from other sources.
As I said earlier my family are 90 miles away so I don’t have any help there, I can count on one hand how many times my ex has looked after our child so that I can do something else. 2 times. He has always refused to take her out with him for one excuse or another.
So now after a few more arguments, a few more months of him being at work, or out drinking, or spending time with his child who doesn’t live with us, I finally feel like our “relationship” (if you could call it that) has came to an end. The final nail in the coffin, is him saying our daughter is a mistake and that he never wanted another child. I am at my wits end. I am sick of being poor and unable to even go and get my hair cut (selfish of me I know) while my ex buys a £26000 car and buys his 15 year old son a £335 watch yet I am denied one promised driving lesson a week and shoes to replace my falling apart ones or bras that don’t have wiring coming out of them. I give up all of this while in the same house as him and for what? I’m trapped.
In my head the plan is simple – pack my daughters and my things and move closer to my family. But I do not even know where to begin. The only thing that has made me stay so long is the uncertainty of what to do next. Not wanting my baby to miss out on something, Although I’m not even sure what, her dad never spends time with her anyway, hes always on his phone when hes here.
I just need some help or someone to speak to about how to make this as easy as possible. We had a life together but I don’t know how we will separate amicably. I know I can be, But I know he will try and guilt trip me as he has done before many times.