Troubles with ex *venting*

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  • This topic has 3 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 1 month ago by JBLA.
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  • #57627 Report

    Yennefer
    Participant

    <span class=”s1″>My children’s dad and I split last year just before Christmas. It wasn’t an amicable split and for myself felt like it was quite sudden. He said he wasn’t happy. I later discovered he’d been talking to a girl at work behind my back and she was a big part of him leaving. </span>

    <span class=”s1″>That didn’t work out and she ended up knocking him back and going back to her ex this lasted about 2 months. </span>

    <span class=”s1″>After a month he then started seeing another girl who is a single mum. He met her daughter and former a connection with her buying her birthday presents and obviously spending time with her. We had a conversation at this point about how we would introduce new partners to our kids, he said he isn’t rushing into anything and it wouldn’t be any time soon and so that ended in us agreeing that we would always ask each other before introducing anyone. </span>

    <span class=”s1″>That relationship didn’t work out lasted about 5 months. </span>

    <span class=”s1″>He’s now seeing someone else. I found out about this new girl from one of his friends and was told that he’d slept with this new girl behind the previous girls back. From what I gather he must have only been seeing this new girl around a month.</span>

    <span class=”s1″>She is practically living with him and he has introduced her to the kids last weekend without asking me. His reason for this was because it’s ‘going a lot better than it was with the other lass and moving faster’.</span>

    <span class=”s1″>He took the kids to the cinema and she and her nephew came along. My son told me that before they went their dad told them not to mis behave and show him up in front of her.. the girl just said hello to our boys and never said anything else to them. He also said that his dad kissed the girl in front of my children which my son told me made him feel sick and really uncomfortable.</span>

    <span class=”s1″>Sorry for the long read I just wanted to vent and write it all down, if anyone wants to comment and can perhaps relate please do.</span>

     

    <span class=”s1″>I’m just so tired with it all. I can’t communicate with him about any of this as he doesn’t listen he does as he pleases and thinks about no one else’s feelings but his own. </span>

    #57642 Report

    JBLA
    Participant

    Hi Yennifer,

    Urg… Hugs & love to you & your kids… Idk what it is with some folk … It doesn’t sound like he’s putting the kids first at all really & very understandable it’s frustrating for you. Tbh it doesn’t really sound like he has a healthy understanding of what ‘happiness’ is, if he’s treating people like this!!

    Writing it out & venting is healthy & can totally relate… My ex was similar type of asshat in many ways! Thankfully he chased his tail far enough he got lost & didn’t come back! Blessing to have him & his drama gone! Might be a bit of a taboo to say… But if they can’t get their act together, I honestly think kids are better off with no dad, it’s easier to heal from than a disruptive one! (Personal experience of my childhood!)

    Most important thing is the kids… if they feel uncomfortable by his behaviour & he won’t listen…. Do they still want to see him?

    Might be worth getting some extra support to have words with him to say he’s distressing his kids & maybe look into preventing access if the kids aren’t happy… How long can it go on before they start resenting him or worse feel his behaviour is acceptable.

    He needs to understand what he is teaching his kids!

    #57660 Report

    Yennefer
    Participant

    Hi JBLA

    Thank you for replying. I do feel that it would be better if he wasn’t in the picture at all however we were together for 12 years and he has always been there for our children. I’ve had a conversation with my eldest about it all and he will say he doesn’t want to go but then changes his mind and says he still does want to go as he does not want to upset his dad.

    I wouldn’t know where to start with seeking additional help for the situation I’m in.

    He draws me in really easy. He wanted to meet up with me and told me this was to clear the air and to talk about things so we could move forward and communicate better, later I found out from him that he only wanted to do that to let me know he was seeing the new girl (obviously I already knew)

    He’s told me he wants more kids and asked if I do which I said no I don’t. He told me that he slept with her the first night she came to see him. Basically he talks to me like I’m one of the lads and I have told him I don’t want to hear it, it’s all one big joke to him. Not sure if he is doing this to get a reaction or to make me jealous?

    I’m still single and just trying to better myself and my children and move on but with all the stress from him and the things he does and says I don’t feel like I fully can :’(

     

    #57677 Report

    JBLA
    Participant

    Hi Yennifer

    You are most welcome.

    Maybe some sort of mediation could help?

    It would empower your kids to have a voice & maybe give him a jolt he’s not putting them first.

    It could be way way of provoking a reaction.. but it seems very emotionally toxic idk… Maybe a way to put you down?

    Sounds like a bit of a ‘headworker’, wouldn’t surprise me if he knows exactly how this would hurt you & is trying keep you from moving on.

    Maybe the reason it’s not working out with anyone is because he’s an asshole 🙂

    Stuff that helped me move on was self help books about emotional abusers …. Highly recommended Pat Craven’s freedom program! 🙂

     

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