Troubles with ex partner

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  • #37318 Report

    tiastar16
    Participant

    Hi, I’ve only be split from my ex for 5 months and has been nothing but problems. My daughter is only 8 months so luckily doesn’t know what’s going on but I don’t know what to do for the best moving forward.

    My ex partner has a problem with drink and mental health he’s also very selfish and refuses help offered then says he wasn’t offered any. But he has been to turning point after spending all his rent and bill money on drinking (which used to happen when we lived together). He has told turning point how much and how often he drinks and also told them that he was going to be having my daughter at weekends which will never happen!. Now they have contacted social services and I’m freaking out as I’m sure those two words would scare most if not all parents.

    I want to give my daughter the best possible start in life and at the minute I’m not sure if that means restricting or stopping contact with her dad while she is young until or if he sorts himself out, and where would I stand?

    #37343 Report

    Sue
    Moderator

    Hi, thanks for posting your question here. I’m sure you’ll get lots of support from other parents who have been in a similar situation. You can also call Gingerbread’s free single parent helpline on 0808 802 0925 to get advice from one of our specialist advisers.

    Best wishes,

    Sue

    #37368 Report

    Lulublue
    Participant

    i Was in a similar situation and it was hard to know what to do for the best, I tried every possible access option I could think of , until I hit a dead end and asked him to contact mediation. Unfortunately for a year my child hasn’t had contact with her dad, this was his choice. But in all honesty I can say it’s for the best, as he can’t put her before his drink.

    I have never had anything to do with social services, but I wouldn’t panic about it, as they have been notified due to his behaviour and not yours. I can understand why you’re freaking out wondering if they will look badly on you, for letting him see the child, but I honestly think it could be a blessing in disguise. You only want your child to have a dad and hope he’ll sort himself out for the child, unfortunately from my experience this doesn’t happen! And I believe people can only change if they want to, it doesn’t matter how much you try and help them, they won’t change unless they want to. Social services should understand this and if they are in contact with you, they will hopefully give you advise on how to move forward regarding access.
    in the meantime I’d stop access or be there when he does see the child preferably with someone else present to support you.

    #37478 Report

    tiastar16
    Participant

    Thank you for your responses, my daughter only sees her dad supervised due to the time we were together he never did much with her and used to get annoyed if she cried and he didn’t know why. I don’t think he would ever harm her but he does have a older daughter from a previous relationship that he doesn’t see and she doesn’t want anything to do with him after he would let her down constantly, so I don’t know if it’s better for my daughter if I stop contact now so he can’t let her down when she’s older or if she will grow up to resent me for stopping her dad seeing her. He is very manipulative and I’m going through a lot due to the mental abuse from him and would never want her to be controlled or left with nothing because of him like I have been.

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