6 February 2021 at 3:13 pm #49156
i am currently going through a divorce and live with my new partner.
I have the children overnight twice per week but see them four days one week and three the next on rotation.
I do not drive but my partner does. We made a suggestion that dropping kids off to each other’s houses would be split evenly. It would be done so when The kids are to be dropped off that the parent who has them will drop off.
this results in two journeys each, each week. The journey time is 5 or so minutes drive or a half an hour walk with kids “they’re 8’and 6) and about 20 mins for me walking there.
mum has only offered one drop off and asked me to walk one. I did it for two weeks but it wasn’t working out due to weather and also one occasion we ended up having a disagreement on the doorstep in front of children.
i have now asked to go back to original proposal of 50:50 with drop offs. Mum has refused and refused to drop the kids today.
what advice do you have? Am I being unreasonable?6 February 2021 at 6:52 pm #49168
if your kids can handle it ok then I would suggest you carry on walking them back, or just jump on a bus or catch a cab. i live 30 mins away from kids and ex would not help with travel if she drives.6 February 2021 at 7:10 pm #49169
The problem with bus or cab is the pandemic6 February 2021 at 7:41 pm #49172
Sorry i am afraid theres nothing you can do other than to make your own arrangements when she cant to drop them off or pick them up.6 February 2021 at 7:58 pm #49175
Pandemic not a problem with bus or cabs btw,I use often.Get a face mask & you’re fine.Or a pair of wellies and an umbrella.Sounds like you’re not so willing to compromise and if you really want to see your kids,it’s time to put your pride in your pocket even though it’s unfair and unequal.6 February 2021 at 8:15 pm #49177
It’s not the one off where she can’t drop
off. She basically saying she will
Do 1 journey and I do 3? I said I’d do two so it’s 50:50?
So you think I’m being unreasonable?6 February 2021 at 8:19 pm #49178
Also would this work other way around? So if I did go and get them, would I then say back to her, you come and get them because I’m not willing to drop off?6 February 2021 at 8:21 pm #49179
No one can know who is being unreasonable.You’re not together anymore most likely bc it wasn’t working,it’s common for there to be bad feelings and ungracious behaviour by one side or the other.Only you know the details but if she doesn’t choose to be obliging and keep her part of the deal,yet you still want to see the kids,then yes it falls on you.6 February 2021 at 9:53 pm #49183
mint its 30 min drive for me to pick up kids. it becomes hour during school run/rush hour. my ex could care less about helping. atleast your ex has been helping out. i see empty buses everywhere, and nothing to stop you using them. covid becoming as common as flu. we have to learn to live with it.6 February 2021 at 10:16 pm #49185
How many journeys do you do a week? Does your ex drive also?
my thinking here is also having the children understand both parents are involved in the transition too6 February 2021 at 10:19 pm #49186
I have kids fri- mon every other week and mon-tue every other week. on one of the sundays i have to go pick up 2 year old, so she spends the day with me and I drop her in evening. thats part of the fri-mon routine. ex does not drive. even if she is, she wouldn’t be interested and expects me to pick up and drop off. so no point in me raising it.6 February 2021 at 10:26 pm #49188
Mint tea nobody would ever say you are being unreasonable. Yes rightly so you should share travel especially if u dont drive.
However if in a family court they just would not order for transport to be shared as mums just wouldnt stick to it anyway.
They have ordered in some cases for an ex partner to share travel , but this is normally when they decide to move 100s of miles away from kids dad to obstruct contact. Even then its only a matter of time before a mum refuses to share handovers unless things are amicable and co parenting6 February 2021 at 10:37 pm #49189
You are being reasonable,but she’s not.There’s usually someone who has to pick up the slack where the other one drops it.Often that’s why things didn’t work out between them to start with.I don’t know why this behaviour surprises you.