Too much going on
24 March 2018 at 9:12 am #9110
ill apologise in advance for grumbling but just feel I need to offload somewhere. I’m usually an up beat person but recent days I feel like ive been hit by a train.
Im resident parent for 3 children, only supervised twice weekly tel contact to dad since early jan since his 2nd attempt to permanently remove a child (different child each time) from my care, without warning. Previous contact was alternate weekends. Currently in family courts seeking child arrangement order though case was adjourned this week (for 6 weeks) due to either court forgetting to send referral to CAFCASS or CAFCASS not picking up the referral. There is a prohibited steps order in place supporting the encouraged tel contact. Now awaiting Cafcass contact
In addition to the above, my ex as instigated a court case through small claims for a vehicle he made some payments on back in 2011, he made these payments whilst I agreed to continue paying all childcare costs, now he is claiming ownership of the vehicle. This wasn’t even a shared use vehicle. I’ve had threatening texts saying he won’t stop until I have a CCJ so I can not obtain a mortgage to house our children. I work 30 hours currently, whilst studying MSc and caring for our children. My credit rating at present is good.
The final straw is that now, 14 years after we had a pre-civil agreement drawn up by a solicitor he is disputing it saying he deserves 50% of the equity from our home, for which I provided 100% deposit. He literally provided zero, If there was any equity from this property he would be entitled to 50% of that, though there isn’t any. My solicitor said the equity case potentially could go one of 2 ways. The ex states that as we remortgaged and extended the house, he feels the original pre-civil agreement is no longer valid but there is no reference to this condition within the document.
I don’t know whether to just pay him what he requests (it will leave me struggling) to have him out of my life (other than the child case currently ongoing) or pursue the matters individually through courts. Mediation failed as he was no longer willing to attend
sorry again for the rant but I just feel pretty crap24 March 2018 at 10:44 am #9113
Sorry to hear your woes, DMP, as you’re always so strong for everyone else on here so it’s our turn to give back!
The deferment will be because of CAFCASS almost certainly. Their admin can be a bit poor. As for the small claim – you had an agreement (can you prove it?) but certainly the judge/magistrate will look upon you favourably because childcare costs are going to be higher than what he is claiming on the child. You are the sole user of the vehicle, which is used to shepherd HIS children around. I highly doubt you’ll get a CCJ as a result. Even if you do, you can still get a mortgage but you may have higher penalties. You must quote the threatening texts (MUST) and your previous good credit rating.
The remortgage is a potential issue (what was his financial contribution at that time, if any? i.e. did you remortgage in both your names and if so, what was the equity split? 50/50? Has he been paying towards the mortgage, particularly since he left?). What was the 2nd way your solicitor thought the case might go?
DO NOT pay him anything. It won’t keep him out of your life, and as I say the two current court cases are strongly in your favour. Let them happen – you don’t need to pursue them anywhere – make him pay to take you to court. The trouble with solicitors in non criminal cases is it is not in their interests to negotiate a solution, because the longer it drags on the more they earn. Some links which help below:
But keep up your pecker, and if nothing else, it is the weekend so absolutely nothing will happen today or tomorrow. And almost certainly not until after Easter, so try and enjoy the next few weeks with your kids, and just wait and see what turns up in the post. If anything.
Support with any parenting problem: Family Lives 24 hour FREE helpline 0808 800 2222 http://familylives.org.uk
Can you get legal aid? https://www.gov.uk/check-legal-aid
Publicly funded legal advice and/or representation: http://www.justice.gov.uk/legal-aid-for-private-family-matters
Advice re: arrangements for children, mediation, going to court http://www.advicenow.org.uk
Separation disputes: http://www.sortingoutseparation.org.uk
Arrangements for children: http://theparentconnection.org.uk/
Representing yourself in court: http://www.barcouncil.org.uk/instructing-a-barrister/representing-yourself-in-court
Much love. We’re all thinking of you.24 March 2018 at 12:21 pm #9118
Hey empty, thanks for your time and advice. Yeah I’m usually indestructible 🙂
When we initially bought the house I had a previous property. He was fresh from his mums place and had nothing financial to contribute. This was the only property we bought together (2004) and I solely paid the deposit. We’re not talking small money so we had a pre-civil agreement drawn up that stated, he would be entitled to only a small percentage of that deposit (as a goodwill gesture on my behalf) should the relationship break down plus 50% of the additional equity gained from this property. This was in the form of deed of trust by a solicitor.
Obviously whilst living here for 13 years he has contributed towards the mortgage, he was evicted through an occupation order Aug 17 and drawn into that order was a civil injunction of 100metres (which he has repeatedly broken) and he remained responsible for covering 50% of the mortgage as a way of securing a financial contribution towards the children. There are no current or past payments for maintenance for any child. His 50% mortgage payments often arrive late and/or short, I just pay the mortgage and wait patiently for his contribution toward. There is no additional equity from this property as we’ve extended, improved and remortgaged a number of times. He is suggesting the pre-civil agreement ended after the first remortgage but that was not my understanding. I just begrudge paying him anymore than he’s due, his behaviour has been and continues to be outrageous and underhand. I don’t know whether to pay him double what he’s entitled on the pre-civil agreement or risk him taking 50% of the entire equity meaning the house will then need to be sold and myself and the kids will need to relocate. Sorry again for the long post x24 March 2018 at 12:31 pm #9119
I would suggest just seeking some advice from the links I sent you – the Family Lives and Separation Disputes to start with. I might counsel maybe running this issue alone past another solicitor or two and see how they feel. I’m not a solicitor, but I don’t see how a remortgage changes the original agreement – it’s not like a Will where the previous version is negated. My view is he’s on shaky ground – and don’t forget you have two other cases potentially outstanding, brought by him, and the texts, etc. so it’s clear he’s trying to strip you of money and besmirch your name and credit rating. I still think you’re on stronger ground than him. Your workplace might have available an anonymous helpline (mine does) which offers free health, legal, and psychological advice.
Don’t see why he’d accept your offer if he knows he’s got you worried and nervous, because he’ll start to think he can get anything he asks for.24 March 2018 at 12:32 pm #9120
Have you gone back to the solicitor who arranged the original pre-civil agreement? There will be paperwork on file associated with that agreement.24 March 2018 at 12:43 pm #9121
The solicitor who did the original pre-civil agreement in 2004 actually went to prison in 2006 and I didn’t have a physical copy of the signed agreement initially. I’ve been through the financial ombudsman and the solicitors regulatory authority to obtain the original document which are now in my possession, the only concern with approaching another solicitor is they don’t know the bigger picture in this case, I’ve had the same solicitor representing me for the entire journey24 March 2018 at 1:03 pm #9122
I’m just worried that your current solicitor doesn’t seem to know whether the original agreement is valid or not. It either is or isn’t. Solicitors often specialise and maybe they are good on family issues and less solid on property contracts.24 March 2018 at 1:17 pm #9125
Yeah I’ll need to have a good chat with her, thanks again empty. I just feel bogged down with all this crap 💩 once I get my head around it I’ll be back to my former self x24 March 2018 at 1:37 pm #9127
As I say, the first case is deferred for 6 weeks, the second case may not happen at all, the third issue will have no movement over the next two weeks, so at least enjoy Easter with your kids because then you’ll be stronger afterwards and ready for whatever happens next.