Ive been separated from my husband for approx 6 months, marriage went down the pan long before. We have two young children 5 & 3 and I try with all my might to not display my frustrations in front of them. But my husband does not communicate, verbally, phone, email or text very willing. So I find myself ranting at him when he sees the kids. I am desperate to keep the peace for our children’s sake. He leaves all the planning about seeing the kids to me, waits until last minute to let me know if/what his plans are for the kids and doesn’t think to inform me if he’s late to come see them.
how have others managed in similar situations? Do I just accept? I’m really past the arguing stage and accept he cannot change who/how he is. But I want to make sure I’m not seen as the baddie in my children’s eyes. I know I can only change my behaviour.
I would suggest that initially you instigate a contact book – so you write anything pertinent about the children in it and give to him – he should do likewise.
Secondly, youre not his PA. So stop organising for him. Instead take a proactive approach to managing this scenario. You set what you know to be reasonable contact opportunities for him. List them within the contact book and email them to him also. State that his contact will be xyz at which times. If he is later than 20 minutes to collect without prior agreement or extenuating circumstances, that contact will be cancelled and he forfeits his contact until the next planned session.
This approach is healthier all round as it gives stability to the children, continuity and allows you to plan. IF he cannot manage this, then really that is saying how little he values his contact with his children. But you shouldn’t be chasing him up to see his children and he should be wanting consistent contact.
This may seem alien initially, but stick with it and it will be beneficial longterm to you all.