tips/ advice on Dating
8 April 2021 at 10:19 pm #52535
Let’s keep it positive agreed lalaland. What will be will be….8 April 2021 at 10:20 pm #52536
I’ve also been a member for a long time but only just discovered this forum and how refreshing it is to hear from people in a similar situation!
I agree, dating as a single parent is daunting, there are so many what-ifs and potential complications, baggage issues and insecurities, time constraints – the list goes on..
I have also had a taste of online dating which, my first attempt was only a year after I split from my kids’ dad whom I was married to for 10 years, and it landed me in a long-distance relationship for nearly three years.
It was love at first ‘talk’ – I don’t know if I was just lucky as he was the first person I chatted to or if I was just a bit more open-minded so soon after my marriage ended.
It appeared to be going great apart from the occasional hiccup which was usually brought on by the issue of the distance between us – he was west coast, I am east coast – it ended despite my offering to move to his end of the country. It was clear that I would have had to move as he was a single dad seeing his son in the usual pattern whereas my ex chose to move abroad pretty much giving me the freedom to live anywhere. Turns out he was not committed enough and pretty much said no thank you, to cut a long story short. He was also a recovering alcoholic, with some personality traits I now retrospectively recognise to be similar to my ex-husbands; narcissistic with addiction issues and selfish with a capital S for example.
I learnt a lot about myself and my choices through this, so in a way, I am grateful for the experiences.
Shortly after it ended I took to online dating again, now with my newfound wisdom of looking in my area, only to discover that everyone I struck up a good conversation with would bail when I suggested meeting up to find out if we had anything worth pursuing…
I gave up a few months ago as I’m too busy at the moment anyway trying to study whilst working, but am still hoping I will meet my soulmate or as someone earlier in the thread had put: I want to be someone’s drug for a change!
I think as time goes by you become happier with your own company – and I am generally happy with my little family now so I can say it does get easier, but as many of you said some evenings get lonely and the thought of being alone when my kids grow up doesn’t sound that appealing either so I will just keep an open mind in the hope of bumping into the right person maybe…
Keeping my fingers crossed for all of you still hoping for the same9 April 2021 at 12:11 am #52546
It might be easier when your kids grow up as hopefully you will have more time/freedom and i think people are sometimes hesitant to get involved with someone who has younger kids.It can be awkward,messy and you’re obv not always available or able to be so spontaneous.Fairly common for relationships to fall apart 2nd time around if the kids are difficult as well.Like…who needs that? Anyway I’ve No idea how anyone finds the time and energy for any kind of dating when they’re a full time single parent! I’ve come to a point where ppl are saying to me “you might wake up one day and find yourself ALONE”,they don’t seem to realize there’s worse things in life.Like waking up and Wishing you were alone😆9 April 2021 at 12:24 am #52548
Agreed it’s incredibly difficult as a dad also. I had a lovely relationship with a woman from Paris but she had no children. Eventually she met a man with no kids snd left me for him. Broke my heart. Can’t offer any positivity tonight sorry, just not in that place9 April 2021 at 7:48 am #52550
It’s always good to be able to let your feelings out and be kind with ourselves – it will get better, I promise you.
I’m genuinely starting to think that we are better off (especially now that we are coming out of a lockdown) without online dating..
Have a lovely weekend everyone! Enjoy a glass of wine (if that’s what you like) and a good movie / book ( if that’s what you enjoy too) and be kind to one another.9 April 2021 at 10:23 am #52561
Hi, I know exactly how you feel I was also thinking of trying to get myself out there but in all honesty I can’t be bothered right now. I have been on online dating and they seem like such players most of them, some are ok but they lose interest quickly and can’t really maintain a conversation. Not too sure what my advice to you will be but some people say that the right person will come along when you least expect it so you never know!with lockdown though it isn’t easy anyway to meet anyone. Good luck though 🙂 x9 April 2021 at 3:51 pm #52592
Just wanted to join in this chat as a new member – I was widowed with two kids last year after my wife was very ill for several years and we were told at the outset that it was terminal. We basically put life on hold and I lost track of friends etc so am now looking to start over but with friends. It’s amazing how few people seem to just want to make friends first and worry about everything else later. I agree with the hookup culture comment – apps like Tinder etc have effectively toxified (is that a word!?!) the dating scene to the point that it’s almost just ‘look at my instasnapchatfans thing’ and everything is filtered with no tolerance for normal people who wear waterproof coats and carry a backpack full of pack lunches and spare trousers for little people because wherever you go, the little ones will always find a puddle to fall into!
I was recommended Gingerbread by my late wife’s oldest friend who is also godmother to our kids. I think the whole dating thing creates too much artifical pressure so whilst I joined a new online dating app last week, it was to make friends who may or may not be parents, who know upfront there are three not one of us and we come as a cool little package and have no drama, and don’t want drama either, so if people want to meet up for a walk and to crash the play park then great. If not, so be it.
Speaking of which, we have a near encyclopaedic knowledge of Minecraft between us, learnt how to do assisted back flips in the park today and generally are getting on with enjoying life and ignoring the weirdos. Give me a shout if that sounds fun and platonic meetups are arrangeable (we are Wiltshire-based)9 April 2021 at 4:03 pm #52597
Well everybody, it looks like we have our own little Scooby gang of friends 😊
Perhaps instead of seeing each other as miles away we should look at us all as nice day trips out?
London and the many sites of delight
South Wales with its rugby, beautiful coastline or hiking
Wiltshire with its mysteries of Stonehenge and Avebury
The south coast beaches, Jurassic cliffs and glorious countryside.
Just a thought but if there’s a few of us who are willing, able and relatively normal people wanting to talk to others at a 2m distance, I’m probably in 😊9 April 2021 at 4:19 pm #52598
Ok I’ll take the first bite – am happy to stand around awkwardly in a field wondering if the person I’m staring at is meant to be meeting up with us.
Avebury is a good site – parking is ok and it’s fairly open (it’s a field with lots of rocks), not too far from M4 or some main towns and there is a pub/shop type thing (and a crazy road to cross to get from car park to main standing stones area so be warned, take extra care).
I have arranged stuff for early next week but am happy to go up there on Thursday/Friday potentially – does anyone else want to come?
Oh one boring ex-teacher question – how do we maange the safeguarding aspect of checking who is who and ensuring that we account for everyone without compromising privacy and safety please? Only asking as not been here long and happy to take guidance.9 April 2021 at 4:28 pm #52599
Were you a P.E. Teacher?
Haha. Nothing weird,i’m just wondering bc of the backflips.I bet there’s loads of people on here who’d love to learn to do that😉9 April 2021 at 4:55 pm #52601
Sadly no, I was too much of a geek (I taught Computer Science) but did get roped into coaching rugby and doing the outdoor leadership activities (ex military before teaching) so today I have no idea why but my eldest started going on about backflips in our local park so next thing he knew, I was helping to jump off the seesaw and do a front flip. The back flip was a bit harder but we sort of got there in the end!9 April 2021 at 5:02 pm #52603
My little toddler and I would love to join you all at some point! A tiny bit far from London so we would have to plan in advance!
@jonathan I’m sure the kids had a wonderful time!9 April 2021 at 5:04 pm #52604
Other alternatives are places like Reading perhaps? Fairly central, lots of motorway access… where is everyone likely to come from?9 April 2021 at 5:35 pm #52605
I’m in Hertfordshire, would love to meet up in park or zoo or similar with my 8 year old. We are back st school on 12th so maybe a weekend or next holidays.9 April 2021 at 6:13 pm #52607
Maybe we get a list of who might be interested, where they are and where they’d be willing to travel too. Plus kids, excluding kids etc. and go from there.
As long as we are generic on here for safe guarding reasons, so nothing too specific of where you live or personal details, a few of us could then coordinate via private messages.
It will have to be weekends for me, as I work full time office hours. Notice is a good thing for all of us probably.
Btw, if any one is thinking – ooo that’s a bit scary meeting up, I’m thinking that in part too. Meeting new people during Covid does feel a little left field, but nothing ventured…..😁
Also, from my perspective this is to meet friends, am not seeing this as a dating thing despite the thread discussion and title.