tips/ advice on Dating
1 April 2021 at 11:50 am #52271
We should name and shame members who cheat.That could be a fun project.Appropriate date to begin a worthy project like this-April 1st😀1 April 2021 at 4:08 pm #52275
Just to let you know I’ve seen your post and will drop you a private message to your inbox.
Michelle1 April 2021 at 8:49 pm #52281
I think the thing to do (although it’s hard) is to not second guess what another person is thinking, because invariably it will not be anywhere near 100% right.
As for saying about being a dad of three, co parenting and who would want you. Us women could say the same about lots of aspects of our selves that we perceive as less than perfect to a new partner.
I am optimistic (most of the time) that people see more than the different/difficult aspects of our lives. Those who are judgemental are not worthy of our time, and who wants to be in a relationship with someone like that anyway? Life is to short to be made to feel second best.
Dad or mum of 1/2/3+, taking responsibility, stepping up – sounds like an awesome person to me! 😊2 April 2021 at 9:53 am #52287
I’ve dipped my toe into online dating, and it isn’t really for me. Given how technology is, and how it’s hanging how people interact, I’ve found it’s bred a lot of fickle people. There seems to be a tendency to flit from one profile to the next. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll have been guilty of that myself to a degree, but I did realise, and if I wasn’t “feeling it” as such, I’d say so. Whereas, from my point of view, I could be talking to someone for weeks, then, nothing. Ghosted I think it’s called.
Maybe it’s just me, but then I start to question myself, did I say something wrong, is there something on my profile that put them off. Unfortunately, they are answers I won’t get, it’s just straight rude if you ask me.
Also, the other thing for me is, you’re both on there for the soul purpose of finding a partner (unless you state otherwise), so there is none of the, just bumping into someone and feeling a spark, no spontaneity. I get that it’s a good way for busy people to meet others, but I don’t find it a pleasant place to be.
Any lasting partners I’ve had, have been through meeting them through shared interest groups, meditation, martial arts etc, and it’s a good way to meet people, and get a better idea of who they are before you decide to pursue anything further. Hopefully it won’t be much longer before some groups will be open. I’ve been single now for 4 years, so I’m in no rush.
I think in men’s case, having no kids can be for a variety of reasons. I was with an ex for 7 years and she didn’t want any more kids, which was fine for me at the time, but that meant I didn’t have any of my own until some time after we split and I was 39 by that time.
I’m surprised more single parents don’t get together if I’m honest, at least there is the preloaded understanding of time constraints and responsibilities, that and they want the best for their kids.
Anyway, that’s my two peneth for what it’s worth. Have a good one😊2 April 2021 at 7:34 pm #52291
I think you are spot on. I miss the days of spotting someone across a lecture theatre or at a party, where you could read their body language, gauge their interest and see if there is that je ne sais quoi!
Dating sites are quite sterile and encourage judgement. Plus, photos can be misleading both ways. A person can be beautiful when they smile and laugh but you can’t really capture that sometimes in a picture. You need the energy of real life.
Problem is, how long is it until we can meet people face to face again and get to know someone the ‘old fashioned way’?
I have to say I’d rather meet up with someone and actually see if you click than get too involved. Friends online- yes, but to move beyond that, you have to meet first.4 April 2021 at 9:45 pm #52327
Hey fellow parents.
I’ve never dated as a parent yet. I split from my son’s dad while pregnant. He’s now two and I find myself wondering if there’s a chance I could find love again.
It’s been quite reassuring just reading these posts and knowing there are others like me – I’m not alone in this mad journey!
To the single dads feeling low self-esteem, I twice dated single fathers before I was a mum. One guy I actually met while he was with his daughter (7 yo), it was just a matter of fact, oh he’s a dad. Not a problem at all, assuming you treat your kids well. In fact it can be a sign of maturity, kindness and gentleness that can be attractive. I guess this goes to the single mums too.
I know this isn’t the case for everyone depending on your circumstances, but to be honest I feel like I am my best self right now. Becoming a parent has given me a focus, has helped me realise my strengths. I’ve joined some creative group therapy sessions to help me overcome some background baggage and get to know myself again after kind of losing my identity along the winding road, and to anyone who feels a little lost right now, I totally recommend it. I underestimated how powerful a bit of creative therapy can be. I feel like I know myself better than ever and feel a sense of self worth again.
Having had some awful dating experiences in the past which crushed my self confidence, I feel that knowing your worth and having a sense of your self value is so important before you start dating again.
You deserve the very best, my friends. Solo parenting is hard, and it can be so lonely. But you are doing the most important job in the world, so don’t sell yourself short, and don’t settle for anyone who doesn’t respect your full value.
I don’t know why I felt the need to say all this – I suppose I am telling myself all this first and foremost! But I believe in what I say 😊5 April 2021 at 5:17 pm #52343
Mellow Yellow – excellent advice, I’m glad you felt the need to say it.😊
I have to say I found becoming a parent meant I had to redefine who I was but I am impressed you have been able to do so with everything else you’ve had going on.
I’m going through that process again now as a single parent. I hope I am becoming a better parent but the rest is still a learning curve and one I suspect will be for life. Our lives constantly change and evolve no matter how much we fight it at times and that in part causes some of the worry and stresses we are all raising here.
None of us want to reveal our vulnerabilities to someone new who we hope will like us, but if we don’t then we are not allowing them to meet the real us – scary as that may seem!
I’d rather someone said to me ‘I find it hard at times’ – it means they care about getting it as right as they can for them and their kids, because all the great people/parents I know (single or not) do find life hard at times.
If it was easy, therapy would not exist!6 April 2021 at 12:29 am #52346
I have to say that I’ve met a couple of nice genuine men through dating apps. My preferred one allows you to add info, such as “have kids, don’t want more” to your profile. Obviously you still have to turn your BS detectors on full blast but it seems like there are plenty of men who have kids and are feeling just as lonely as us single mums. I’m seeing someone at the moment who has kids the same age as mine and it’s going as well as it can under the circumstances. I’m not looking for husband no.2 or anything just someone to spend time with when I don’t have my kids. My only concern about the relationship is that because he is a good guy and pulling his weight as a co-parent we might not actually get to see each other enough for it to work. Anyway good luck x6 April 2021 at 11:59 pm #52427
Quite frankly, it’s a tiny bit frustrating.
I’m sure if is the apps that I’m using or I don’t filter well enough … Seems to be incredibly challenging.
They now have this thing called “hook up culture” … Damm; I’m about to give up.
Any tips to London dating? Send it my way.7 April 2021 at 2:51 am #52434
DamN, don’t give up.Unless you have something better to do.
What’s wrong with ‘this thing called ”hook up culture’?
Is London dating different from anywhere-else-in-the-UK dating?7 April 2021 at 7:43 am #52441
Apart from dating, ofc there are other things to do, I just thought the topic was appropriate for the thread, hence sharing my personal experience.
Perhaps I was expecting individuals to be more upfront as to what their true intentions are but instead, seems that most ( and not all) are looking for this relationship type where, we are committed but not really because of possible “past traumas” and fear of heartbreak.
Sometimes, when you are based in a metropolis, the options tend to become wider and therefore, the “swipe left” attitude is even more frequent..
But ofc, not exclusive to one city.
Hope the above makes sense to you. 😌8 April 2021 at 7:56 pm #52524
‘we are committed but not really because of possible “past traumas” and fear of heartbreak’ – I love this, you are spot on!😁 Why go on a site if you’re not prepared to face the risk of it not working!?!
Plus I despise the swipe left/right thing, it becomes almost a consumerist exercise – where is the romance? Plus, how do you describe yourself? Do I tell them
a)I love gardening, reading, meandering around food markets and Harry Potter – steady on girl you sound a real thrill seeker there
b) Sea swimming, running, have a deep ambition to go rally driving and am really quite competitive. Which if you met me I don’t look the type!😁
Both are true, but both will appeal to different people. If I put all of it do I sound contrary or a show off!?!! It’s all too much of putting myself and others in a box and reality is we are all much more complex then a tag line summary.
Apologies, rant over – can you tell I’m not keen on dating apps?😂8 April 2021 at 9:00 pm #52531
Its a total nightmare! I’ve almost given up. Never enough time or energy and blokes that seem to just not have any real compassion. I’ve now decided to join a few single parent groups and socials and if I meet someone that would be great.
I do think as others have said that friendship is a really good starting point but I haven’t dated anyone yet that agrees. No patience and not prepared to wait and see what develops.
I think I’m a lot less tolerant now and have many interests to occupy my time. Sorry no answers but just find dating a nightmare especially at the moment.8 April 2021 at 9:09 pm #52532
Ive been a single parents for years due to children dad having an affair with my best friend.
A year later a friends brother was there to support a very broken person and I let him into our lives. Unfortunately I was with him for six years before we split.
I don’t regret it for the fact he plays a huge (dad role) to my children, just he wasn’t really into being part of a couple. We are still good friends. My ex husband the children dad doesn’t want to know his kids.
So I’ve been single mum for a while and by myself for five years.
I agree with so many of the posts that internet doesn’t feel the best way but in your mid 4os how do you meet someone.
My life is busy with full time job and children in high school but to have someone to build a friendship initially to move to more would be so lovely.
I think about when my kids are off busy with their lives and you have no one to share life’s experiences with. I’m such a chatty person I don’t feel I’m right to be alone. I like to chat, have fun and care for someone.
Do you chance to fate!! I know I never expected my life to run the road it has.8 April 2021 at 10:13 pm #52534
I love hiking, films and arquitecture so, I have decided to join clubs that dedicate to that and, keep myself busy when baby is not around.
Really not expecting much out of it but, I do think friendship is a good starting point.
The problem comes when we expect something to come out of these interactions… That’s when we disappoint ourselves.
Ladies and gents, let’s keep it positive and also try to become at peace with the thought that, perhaps, we will be single for a little while.