tips/ advice on Dating

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  • #51559 Report

    enginer11
    Participant

    Evening! Try to start with online dating, simple flirting, and chatting with other people of the opposite sex. This is enough to tone yourself up and gain confidence.
    Hope you will find the answer!

    #51561 Report

    Peachy
    Participant

    Hi

    I think dating right now is even harder.  I’ve dated single dad’s and childless men and I still can’t decide who is right for me.  I seem to meet childless guys who have no idea that I can’t be as spontaneous as them but on the flip side,  they have a free outlook on life that I love. I also seem to meet single dads who are not sure what they are looking for. I also have concerns that they aren’t over the ex.

    For me I just haven’t met the right person.  I’ve been on a lot of dates and have ridiculous dating stories and when I look back I realise that I have had a lot of fun along the way. So I think it’s very important to enjoy whatever it is that makes you happy. We all deserve love and laughter and the odd dodgy date 😊

     

    #51564 Report

    kathmaria143
    Participant

    <div style=”color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;”>The answer to dating is:… through this website with each other.</div>
    <div style=”color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;”></div>
    <div style=”color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;”>It seems very obvious to me. The only men who will understand the value of a family life with a partner and children are single Dad’s. This website would be an ideal place for Mum’s and Dad’s. So if you all are ready to try again, find a partner who could be the one. Someone who could support you and your children in everyday life. The answer is with all of us. Every day we all are becoming stronger. We all know the pain of a broken relationship has caused in our lives.</div>
    <div style=”color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;”></div>
    <div style=”color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;”>It is either we live the rest of our lives alone and perhaps struggle with one parent. Or we need to consider the possibility of sharing our lives with one other parent who may have their own family as well. Just think u could have an eternal playdate with an extra child or children.</div>
    <div style=”color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;”></div>
    <div style=”color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;”>Looking on dating website. Some men and women want only fun. Some people only want a ‘Friend’ s with benefits’ arrangement. This means having multiple friends with no one being their ‘exclusive’ choice.</div>
    <div style=”color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;”></div>
    <div style=”color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;”>Perhaps this is the change of modern life. I’m not saying I know the answer to what relationship works well, or what personality works best together.</div>
    <div style=”color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;”></div>
    <div style=”color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;”>I am not used to this kind of arrangement. I was brought up in a good moral way. To be loyal to one special friend/partner. I don’t want to be one of a man’s many friends.</div>
    <div style=”color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;”></div>
    <div style=”color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;”>Nursery rhymes, Disney, even at school they never told and spoke this kind of way to live. Traditional values are away to find a stable way for the partners and children. Not having multiple babies and partners running away. Even the pain of having to share a special friend with others. the lies of where that person is going next, to the next friend. Getting what they want and then leaving. Trying to make your friend to choose you over the other friends. when your friend is looking for the women in a million. Of course, who would not that kind of life you may say? Friends with benefits have positive and negative for both parties. The problem I can see is that of that unfortunate thing called ‘feeling and attachment’. Being a friend is one relationship, a friend who you sleep with is different. The lines are very interlinked. Of course, feeling in love in that kind of relationship ends up when u become a prisoner in this arrangement. You cant move on, as your heart and mind is in this arrangement. Again it is like a controlling relationship. The worst thing is most friendships the other friend does not tell you, this is the arrangement he is in, or that you are entering.Once you start developing feeling or fall in love. You idea of a single man having lots of potential others girls, people can say.He is single he is testing the water…He is not ready to commit to just one. or he may be in love with all his friends. Im sorry I cant do this. The pain is too much. I know us as parents we treat our children to share. ‘Sharing is caring’. I think, one Mum, One Dad, many children and one exclusive partner.</div>
    <div></div>
    <div style=”color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;”>Even if you think of the shape of a love heart. It has two equal halves. Not multiple equal halves.</div>
    <div style=”color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;”></div>
    <div style=”color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;”>All I learning is that partners should respect each other, both partners should be open and honest in their communication. The relationship should be equal and both partners work hard at trying to make the relationship work.</div>
    <div style=”color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;”></div>
    <div style=”color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;”>In regards to children, they should live in a safe, respected and love home and environment.</div>
    <div style=”color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;”></div>
    <div style=”color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;”>I just want a loving relationship with someone who will support my children, and I would welcome their family as well. I never thought this idea of a ‘stable family’ is now becoming a fantasy.</div>
    <div style=”color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;”></div>
    <div style=”color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;”>I believe in love and romance. If that makes me a child. I’m happy to stay in a child fantasy world.</div>
    <div style=”color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;”></div>
    <div style=”color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;”>So my message to everyone. This is the time to stop for a couple of moments. Think about what u really want for the real of your life. If u are open to the idea of a new relationship. All of us need to be brave and start making that kind of conversations with one another.</div>
    <div style=”color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;”></div>
    <div style=”color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;”>Good luck with all your decisions. I only want all of you and your children to be happy in all our lives! We only have one life, we are not living a dress rehearsal. Make every second count. XXXXXXXX</div>

    #51647 Report

    Katie362
    Participant

    Am I the only one who hasn’t got time? I work full time, my little boy goes to dads on Tuesday nights. I usually Hoover and by time Iv done my tea I am exhausted! Then he goes every other Friday morning  Saturday night. I usually use that time to clean and food shop. I sit down at 4.30 on a Saturday for an hour. When on earth am I going to fit somebody in who

    will accept my wobbly body now. will accept how stupidly protective I am . Will accept my emotionally damaged heart- and be happy only seeing me a handful of times.

    im 36 my boy is 2. Me and his dad parted just after his first birthday. We had planned a wedding. It’s very sad. I often feel lonely. Let down. Isolated. Scared. Bitter.

    my friends say oh but he’s great he gives you money he has contact your boy is happy. Yes on paper. He’s a fab dad to co parent with and ultimately my boy is happy.

    I am heart broken. I would have loved a marriage. White fence and to be pregnant again now.

    My friends say oh you have your own house. Car. Good job. Happy boy. ABSOLUTELY. But my heart hurts. I have no time for dating sites they are a full time job. We have no social life and I can’t see how it will be when things open up again. I haven’t been a single mom outside of a pandemic.

    life is lonely and scary.

    #51660 Report

    kathmaria143
    Participant

    Hi Katie

    You are right that we live in fast times. Life is going by every second. Our children are getting older as well. If everyone is honest. Everyone has these feelings of doing things alone. Being Mum and Dad. My point is. We were all in a relationship at one time. One positive aspect of a relationship either as a live-in or live- our partner. Is to give support. Either that be

    *Emotional support

    *Practical support

    *Everyday advice

    *Comfort by hugs, tactile affection

    *Even having adult – sexual relationships. I knew that point is a whole different topic. Sex is a basic human need.

     

    I would urge everyone to revalue their lives. Relationship is two ways. You help make better someone else’s live, and they can help support and make your life better too. Even if we think we do not need help in anyway. It is always better to help eachother.

    Again I am saying the answer to find someone who share the same values as own is through this website and with other single Mum’s and Dad’s.

    Everyone has baggage in their lives from childhood, living, relationships, children…That is the life experiences we all learn.

    I wish you all luck, and just don’t give up luck. You fate has brought you to this website, and we are having this conversation.

    Have a good day. I will talk to cupid to throw some arrows around. I hope it hits you! Just be open to this idea, and keep your eyes and heart open. You just may see someone in a different light, whilst we were all asleep in own our little worlds!

     

     

    #51666 Report

    Racingred0
    Participant

    Dating as a single Dad is tough too. I’ve met women who don’t want kids at all, women with children, women who think they can deal with a dad who has other responsibilities.

    i can offer no advice as I’ve kind resolved to maybe not meeting a full time partner again. It’s not what I want but it’s been a few years and I can’t seem to find the one

    #51669 Report

    Jaekae
    Participant

    I’m getting the impression we should start our own dating group!

    I tried this weekend to set up a profile online but I can’t do it.

    It seems wrong to be judgemental about someone on such little info and I have no idea what to write about myself to sell myself!

    I’m South coast way so would happily attend a distanced gingerbread meet up on the beach if there were a group thing arranged.

    I don’t want to give up on the chance of something yet.

    #51713 Report

    Minestrone
    Participant

    Hmmm, what’s the exact problem? Are you shy or you’ve weaned yourself from dating? If it’s the first date, it will be easier to you to treat man as a new friend – just like this, nothing more, nothing less. Don’t treat every man as a partner for life from the first date. Be the interesting (and interested) person and put the boundaries where you want – don’t convince yourself by force to anything just because there’s someone. It’s not the only man in the world – if he doesn’t fit you, there will be next one.

    #51714 Report

    Coz1872
    Participant

    Jaekae,

    I’d be more insterested in that, if Gingerbread’s forum was not so open to the public & non-members, with little to no security.  I’m guessing that is why so many don’t have profile pics/details.

     

     

    #51716 Report

    Jaekae
    Participant

    Ooo, that’s put me on the spot!

    No, not shy, I just don’t like having details of me out there online, I’m quite a private person.

    Especially after I went on a site about 6 months ago for the first ever time and met someone but they wouldn’t meet up even for a walk. They wanted to get quite involved, and I said can we wait until we meet and see if we actually like each other face to face – their response was to get cross with me saying how they’d chosen me, come off site etc and I had let them down! How on earth can you say ‘you are the one’ when you haven’t even met!?! And they say women are intense!

    I’m not going full on straight away with anyone. More than happy to meet someone as a friend and then see ‘if’, or simply have more friends! Win:win.

    As for online dating, not ready for meeting more crazy just yet!😄

    #51722 Report

    kathmaria143
    Participant

    To Jaekae

    The reason why this person only wants to meet you is that this person wants a ‘Friends with benefits arrangement’. They don’t want a relationship. They just want what they want, and then leave to the next women.

    I wanted to meet and go for a walk, and get to know each other. Sometimes these people have partners or a wife in another country. They want free fun. To use and abuse. You should not take it personally. I never even know about this kind of arrangement. I thought we would spend our lives together. He said he loved me, then he did not. It turns out he was and still smoking cannabis.

    I can only advise all of u who are reading my thread. One important thing for all our future. If a man or woman does something very early in the friendship or relationship, which u think is not right. Little red flag. No matter how you feel. Question it with yourself. This is not normal or acceptable behaviour. Don’t ignore it, as u may think u r wrong or it may go away.

    If u friend told u this about their new friend. You would definitely say. Stop that relationship, forget about them.

    Why in our own relationships we would continue. Love is blind. But we need to learn our life lessons, not to continue with similar men or women, as it may feel comfortable or what we are used to. People say history repeats itself. The history of bad relationships does not need to continue. The next time we should be more aware, and question things, listen to our gut or instincts.

    Different people have different agenda’s. Not everyone is looking for love. Not everyone is looking only for fun. Fun can end up in women getting pregnant, and the pain of keeping the baby, with a man who may not want to be a father. They may even run away.

    We all need to love ourselves, have self-worth and self-confidence to not stand for bad behaviour in a relationship. Why we don’t think we deserve the best from someone else. We are all unique and special, and we deserve to be treated as an equal and be loved with no conditions.

    #51971 Report

    Racingred0
    Participant

    Find friendship first, it it’s meant to be the other parts will fall into place.
    It’s a big ask I know but having a lover that can’t support you when you need them is no good long term.
    A good person who becomes a friend who then becomes a love, would be just amazing!

    i agree with the earlier comments about profiles, I posted my picture as I am what I am. I’m not embarrassed to be a single dad, I’m not embarrassed to say I’m hoping to meet someone who understands what being a parent is. I’m just a little confused as how to make it work 🤣. Mixing families seems so complicated.

    #51991 Report

    Jaekae
    Participant

    Racingred

    I agree in many ways, you need a friend and someone who has your back when in a relationship. But you also need that spark!

    My experience has been having one but not the other. Would be fantastic to find both, and as you say, someone who sees and accepts the whole package, kids n all.

    I’m okay on my own, so am happy to wait for that right person. When first single I thought I needed someone but now it’s a case of it being an added bonus. I’ve realised that’s the best starting point.

    Going out for coffee or a meal with  a friend sounds awesome at the mo, and if it led to more, then as I say, bonus!😄

    #52245 Report

    Jaekae
    Participant

    Hello everyone.

    Hope you are all looking forward to the long weekend.

    Thought I would update you on my recent ‘fun’ on gingerbread  – I received a private message to chat from a member (not someone who has commented here). I happily  exchanged a few messages, all very cordial and general conversation about jobs, hobbies etc. However, I started doubting the individuals honesty when certain things they said didn’t match up. I checked with another member and she had had the same experience with this chap.

    I wanted to share a warning to be wary of sharing personal info unless you are comfortable with who the person says they are.

    As for me, happy to make friends here – just be who you actually are please 😁

    #52270 Report

    Jsmoove
    Participant

    Dating or trying to date is hard work,but it is a step forward by getting yourself out there,I think the expectation is set too high,and people put to much pressure on themselves,from my perspective I’ve been separated for 18 months,I have a decent co parenting relationship with my EX,but I start questioning myself who wants to be with a dad with 3 children who has them 50% of the time and what can I offer them

Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 168 total)

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