tips/ advice on Dating
3 June 2021 at 5:03 pm #54867
There is nothing to be ashamed of. None of us wish to be in this position.
Life craps on us from a great height at times and all we can do is weather the storm until there is sunshine again. Though I totally understand your anxieties. I think all of us do.
There are no guarantees, those in relationships may not be as happy as we think they are, we were all that ‘perfect picture’ to others before we became single. No one really knows what another person’s life/experiences are unless they are brave enough to share and then we can only attempt to understand.
A partner does not mean completeness but I appreciate that to be loved is a gift we all want. Friends can give you this in bucketfuls, build those relationships when the rain seems relentless- they will hold the umbrella for you without fail, and one day you will be strong enough to do the same for them.3 June 2021 at 5:38 pm #54868
What Jaekae said 👆, as it was said waaaay better than I ever could.
Ana, You can and will get through all of this, and whatever support we can offer you here we will. Even if it’s just knowing someone is listening/reading what you wrote. That’s a big step in itself.
take care of you xx3 June 2021 at 5:45 pm #54869
@Racingred0, Yes knowing that someone is reading, someone takes her/his time to answer you, to offer advice, it is huge huge help. We all need this kind of support.
I have been mostly alone during past 6 years. I crave for socialization without being labelled. Thank you!3 June 2021 at 5:50 pm #54870
Thank you! We do not know what life has for us, but it is nice when you have a bit of hope for the future.
I must apologise as my English it is not very good therefore I cannot express very well watI actually want to say.
I follow with interest your advices and I appreciate a lot that you took time to answer me. I really need a friend. I wish I could be supportive for you.3 June 2021 at 9:19 pm #54874
the whole idea about this community it to reach out for support when you need it. You are not alone. We all struggle with different things and sometimes it feels like the whole world is happy and nobody notices the pain we may be in.
It doesn’t rain forever.
keep taking on here, each day will get easier, eventually. Look forward to life, see each opportunity to build a new life for you snd your children. It won’t be easy but you can do it and just because you have children already does not mean you are not able to love or be loved again. Just be patient and look after yourself. 😘3 June 2021 at 11:06 pm #54876
Thank you Racingred0! I do feel like there is no light at the end. I am scared and ashamed. Most of us have lots of love and respect to share, but sometimes it feels like nobody needs us.
I am glad I found this community. I thi k is the first time talking to someone in months, apart the doctor and midwife.
Thank you for your kind words, they make a huge difference!4 June 2021 at 6:06 am #54892
Hi Ana, My real name is Justin. I’m glad we can offer you some support.
so you’re near the end of this pregnancy, your other child must be very excited to have a little brother or sister?
despite all the sad things that have happened to you I hope you feel ready to bring a wonderful life into this world.
Seek some support from your friends now so they are ready to help you. Keep chatting here or directly if you’d prefer and make sure your doctors s as dit midwives know how you feel. They will want to support you to.
keep us updated xx4 June 2021 at 10:36 am #54904
Hi Ana, and everyone 🙂
Reading your story, Ana, and the warm responses you’ve received makes me feel proud of this community. I feel like there is a genuine care for each other here. I hope you feel it too.
I’m so sorry for what you’re going through and the position you’ve been left in, through no fault of your own. It seems so unfair. But I noticed that you said it feels like nobody needs us, and I’m sure you know this already, but there are definitely two people in the world who need you entirely – your child and your baby on the way ☺️ To them, you are the whole world.
Also, I hear what you are saying about labels and feeling ashamed for being a ‘single mum’. There is a stigma attached that can feel very uncomfortable. Personally, I choose to call myself a ‘solo mum’. It’s a small change and it might not mean anything to some people, but for me it just feels much more positive. My life circumstances might not be what I would have chosen, but there is a lot in my life that I love – my wonderful son for example! So labelling myself ‘solo’ instead of ‘single’ for some reason just feels less like I’m a victim of circumstances and more like I’m living my own life…. if that makes sense?
It’s difficult to put into words – especially while distracted by CBeebies in the background 😅 But I guess what I’m trying to say is, while we can’t control what happens to us in life, we can decide our own identity, and that can feel empowering and change our outlook sometimes 💚4 June 2021 at 12:30 pm #54926
Hi all I’m new here I’m a single mum off two lovely beautiful children ages 2 and 144 June 2021 at 3:20 pm #54931
Dear Mellow Yellow, you are very courageous !
People here have been very kind to me. I think there is a solidarity among people who suffer. It might be difficult for others to understand our situation.
I admire that you are positive, you found a balance in your life… I wish you and your child a warm and bright future.
Feel free to write me anytime, sending you hugs!5 June 2021 at 7:41 am #54953
Welcome Julie39, hope you have nice plans for this weekend11 June 2021 at 1:30 am #55185
Hi, new here as well – mum to a wonderful 3yr old and separated for 2 yes. Helps to read that so many of you are in a similar situation. Have been trying dating apps but have the feeling no guy is interested in a 40 yr old with a toddler in tow. It seems very hard to meet ppl that are genuine these days, esp the London crowd is quite superficial. Am quite independent so am ok being single but the prospect of getting old alone really scares me.11 June 2021 at 9:01 am #55190
Hi Anne, we feel your frustration as we all have common issues with dating. That said I know it can happen and I’m sure you won’t get old alone.
I have 3 children so it’s a lot for someone to take on yet I do believe I will find love again. I have to believe I will.
Its all a question of perception and compromise, how I perceive myself and my future relationship with my children and the compromises and adaptations I can make to allow someone special to come into my life and I into theirs.
Try to keep positive, keep your eyes open, dating apps don’t seem great, join a social group on Meetup and get on a picnic or something. Meet real people, something great might just happen 🤞20 June 2021 at 12:18 am #55483
Hi, I’m new to this site and live in a little village just outside Swindon. I have a 14 yr old daughter. I would be very interested in meeting with other local singletons 😁20 June 2021 at 6:57 pm #55491
What I want to know is whether it’s always going to be complicated? I mean how do you know when you are ready? I wonder whether I ever will be totally ready again. And if not, how do you get someone to appreciate that you’re not always going to react with a clear calm head? That your history means you’re going to do or say stupid stuff because you’ve spent a long time protecting yourself in a bad relationship, behaving a certain way to protect you and the kids. Those conditioned responses are difficult to unlearn, especially when emotions are high and fear wins over hope.