tips/ advice on Dating
3 March 2021 at 6:28 pm #50598
So i wanted some advice or tips on how to get yourself back into Dating
Being a single mum, doesn’t always go in my favour, I don’t have much spare time with working and being a parent .
I was just wondering if anyone else struggles with this ?3 March 2021 at 8:06 pm #50600
ive given up to be honest lol im nearly 40 and its become less important xx3 March 2021 at 8:54 pm #50601
I’m 49 and have a12 year old . And it seems men my age don’t want to be part of a young family again I’m finding it so disheartening to be honest . I’m getting no younger but such is life . I suppose it depends on your age . If you go on dating sites just make it clear you have a busy life and see what comes of it .3 March 2021 at 9:10 pm #50602
Thank you for your comments, I already feel much better knowing , I’m not the only one who feels like dating , is hard work. I am 28 , just feel like i want to get back out there , but then i don’t how to, I’ve tried the online dating , oh my it is just not for me 🙈 i feel like dating is more hard work than going out to work and being a parent. I just can never come across anyone that seems interested, it seems that people are only in it for the fun or maybe i have become so independent on my own that it’s make me become really fussy.5 March 2021 at 7:36 am #50700
I think you ladies are over-looking the fact that to many men, their first criterion on classifying a woman as a potential “keeper” is that she must be a single mum. Don’t take this the wrong way, i live 8,000 miles away.
I am not used to sharing my feelings and dont want to bore you, but maybe you would like to know why a significant percentage of men only want to get together with a single mum. If so pls ask.
That last paragraph was actually a bit of a cry for help, because i am finding being a single dad difficult and, because i feel i am next to worthless, feel i need to offer something useful so anybody would want to bother discussing anything with me
I once took one of my four daughters to a funfair. The ride went vertically up, we knew we would be plunged down in free-fall. When the guy flicked the switch and terrified us, i let go of my daughter’s hand, which she had asked me to hold, and clung on to my own safety straps instead.
Intellectually, I would give my life for any of my children without hesitation. So why did i let go of her hand?
Is parental love just Darwinian b-s, or are my feelings of love meaningful? If so, why?5 March 2021 at 8:30 am #50706
I know exactly how you feel.
As a single dad sometimes you feel like you come with a package and nobody wants you.
Most women thinks your a player and want to use them. Just give someone a chance your life might change for the better. I can assure you there are loads of men would prefer to date a single mum. I think dating someone with smiler saturation as you is easier.5 March 2021 at 3:25 pm #50733
barry79: You don’t ‘come with a package’….You Are the complete package!
Instant family.What could be better in this day and age?!
Like instant soup…pop up tents….cake mix.Can’t think of other time savers but you get my drift. Could be a good thing.
Siramsden: Our microwave had white smoke coming out of it yesterday,so after I cleaned it out and sorted it today I asked my 17 yr old to switch it on to see if it was ok-while I backed out of the kitchen….😉 it’s just human instinct,self preservation etc.Sure I wld do anything for my dghtr….but mbe you really knew you weren’t gna DIE on that ride & I didn’t really think the microwave was gna explode….but….just in case…hahaha!!!! Ppl who take bullets for their kids usually don t have time to rationalize I think.Animal instincts.We’re just not animal enough.😏7 March 2021 at 1:28 am #50807
My wife died in 2010, when our son was 3. 2 1/2 years later I decided it was time to kick start my life again. Had a casual thing for a few months (met via this site), then got into what would become a serious, 5 year+ relationship.
I’m now 44, with an awesome 14 year old kid & have come to the realisation that my love life is on hold til he’s a bit older. It is lonely. I’d love to be with someone, especially through lock down, but what choice do we have? Then I fear that I’m going to be near 50 & still on my own. Think I’ll be rusty by then 😁
Part of the issue is being a widow. My Ex once said she ‘felt she was competing with a ghost’, because, unlike most single parents, I didn’t choose to leave my son’s mum. I’m not just looking for someone who can cope with me being a full time parent, but someone who doesn’t think like that. Some folk can go on various dates, try a few options before choosing. I can’t… A lot of us can’t. Time wise & priority wise Vs our kids.7 March 2021 at 12:26 pm #50810
One of my divorced friends told me she would not date a man over 40 without kids bc t hats creepy & who knows what he’s been doing all those years,another friend told me a widow wld be so much better bc you cut out all the bickering and complications with an ex,another opinion was someone without kids is so much easie r,and some would not like the thought of Not measuring up to the first wife like you said.There are people who never even get to first base even without any ‘baggage’,then theres the crazies who just throw it all away! Nothing is for sure in this world but mabe it’s just a matter of being in the right place at the right time and seizing oppurtunities.There could be something great waiting for any of us round the next corner,who knows.11 March 2021 at 8:56 pm #51107
I’m apprehensive about dating too. I’m mid 40s with two primary school age kids and do worry that the men in my age range are able to either get younger women or ones my age with older kids and more free time.
I’d happily meet someone looking for a proper relationship, but my initial experience of meeting people is that the first men I’ve spoken to have been more interested in short term fun!!
I’ve nothing against that if it’s what you like, but I want a partner.
Any advice on how to express this online without sounding boring or needy?11 March 2021 at 9:19 pm #51111
It doesnt sound boring or needy. It sounds just fine. There are so many variables involved that there is no perfect answer. To be honest as im in the “older” category whilst ive not given up im certainly aware that everyone wants something slightly different. Over the years it has changed from needing dating/partner to needing companionship. Guess there’s a difference.11 March 2021 at 9:35 pm #51112
I’m wanting the full package so to speak. Partner, friend, lover, and dare I say soulmate?
I’m not wanting to marry again, I think I’ve proven the piece of paper makes no difference really. An equal though, an ally – that would be fantastic.
Hope you get your companion mstime.12 March 2021 at 7:50 pm #51152
I don’t know where to start. I am now separated. I have been married for 17 years. My husband liked to drink. He then drank more to excessive. Strangely I always felt like he was having an affair with Stella ‘Stella Artios’. He loved her/it more than me to stop. Then I left him due to him hurting my children. I met a guy online. For six months we were friends and helped each other emotionally. I fell pregnant with him when I told him. He told me he wanted me to have an abortion. I started burning up, and hours later I started miscarrying. Later I found out he was a regular cannabis user. I researched that sometimes cannabis users in men the sperm quality is reduced. So in his case. He was in love with ‘Mary Jane’ more than me. I know drugs/alcohol there are positive and negative effects.
I just want to be someone’s drug! I know this may be a funny way of looking at relationships. Humour is sometimes the best well to handle traumatic experiences.
Another point I wanted to make. I was in a co-coercive – controlling relationship. I am now separated. Everyone things around me. You are single, the world is my oyster. However when men and women find out I was in a domestic violence relationship with 3 children. Men run for the hills. A damaged woman with 3 damaged children. Women stop talking to me and grab their husbands/partners and run in the opposite direction.
I felt alone in my marriage, feel alone being single. When all this happened which was not my fault. I guess I could become a Nun, with 3 children. No chance!
Just smilleee!13 March 2021 at 7:53 pm #51206
Hahaha! I’ve often thought of becoming a nun😂at least that way there would be some purpose to this lonely single life…but then I reckoned im just not kind or patient or charitable enough.
ANd btw-so accurate about friends grabbing their husbands and running🙄….thought it was something personal to me..Lol🤗15 March 2021 at 3:58 pm #51311
Hi, hope you’re doing ok. Not the best time to be dating and I’ve never liked the idea of internet dating with a random stranger either. Have tried to date some guys I’ve been friends with for years, or friends setting me up, then I know I can be comfortable with them around my daughter too. Before having my daughter I avoided dating any single Dads- mainly in case they got back with the ex or she caused any trouble. I dated one since my daughter, but got very attached to his daughter. Probably likely single guys over 40 without a significant relationship past are going to be commitment shy though. Good luck and will be interesting to read any advice here x