Thoughts on my situation

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  • #56935 Report

    Forthebest
    Participant

    So where do I start.

    My ex partner and I split up at the beginning of the year, due to him cheating on me and abusive behaviour.

    We have an 18 month old son who he sees every Wednesday night, Friday night & Saturday day every week.

    I have recently received a letter from his solicitor’s saying he wants 50/50 bearing in mind we both work full time and son is in full time childcare and his suggestion is ridiculous for a young 18 month old going back forth, I am primary carer and have been since birth.  I am flexible with swapping days and have done on two occasions.

    He said he will be taking me to court.

    He threatened to kill me ( reported to the police ) and sent me a whole host of abusive messages on night whilst he had our son ( reported to police )

    He has a criminal record of assault, has been violent with me and ex’s and also threatened to kill the mother of his other daughter ( police turned up and arrested him no further action ) a daughter he has not seen ONCE since her birth in 2019 and had to go to court to for CSA payments.

    I have texts saying he is going to kill himself, Facebook posts about his depression, texts about how much he wants me dead.

    Can I ask everyone of their honest opinion about how a judge would consider all of the above?

    Thank you

     

    #56936 Report

    steve3334
    Participant

    hi,

    I think its very unlikely court will give 50/50 due to childs young age, and ex’s bad police record. I think there won;t be much change to your current arrangement.

    #56937 Report

    Forthebest
    Participant

    Thanks Steve for your thoughts.

    #56938 Report

    Forthebest
    Participant

    Have you had a similar experience or know people that have?

    #56945 Report

    Forthebest
    Participant

    Please anyone else’s thoughts? Or does anyone know any where I can ask with people with legal backgrounds?

    #58223 Report

    Forthebest
    Participant

    Is there anyone that would give me their thoughts on this ?

    #58228 Report

    JBLA
    Participant

    So sorry to hear you have experienced this! nobody should have to x

    for legal or professional advice you need to call the gingerbread helpline, this is for peer support to share personal experiences x

    Highly recommend the national domestic abuse helpline… they can connect you to your local dv service Home | Refuge National Domestic Abuse Helpline (nationaldahelpline.org.uk)

    a court would likely take all this into consideration; but they will have to be made aware. Its very important to make sure your solicitor is trained in domestic abuse.

    Unfortunately, like with some of their failing with police, there can be failing in the court too; so its best to get expert professional support xx

    You deserve to live without abuse or threats x so does your child. You can xx

    #58229 Report

    JBLA
    Participant

    Rights of women may also be able to connect you with legal advice & provide a host of support. Rights of Women – Helping Women Through The LawRights of Women | helping women through the law

    #58232 Report

    Vintagedresser
    Participant

    The child should not be left alone with him he sounds like a bad one. You can just walk into court and they will see for themselves. For your safety  hun I would try and get away from him taking the child too if I were in the same situation. Somewhere far enough to start again. Be safe 🤔🙂

    #58234 Report

    Forthebest
    Participant

    I wish I could just get away but unfortunately I can’t . He has contact already and wants more and more .

    court papers are through and cafcass are now involved .

    my anxiety is through the roof as he is so cunning I suspect this will go his way .

    #58238 Report

    Vintagedresser
    Participant

    Do you have proof of the things he has done, you may need to start getting some ASAP because he sounds like the kind of man I would need to bring out my frying pan if I met him. If your scared you can get all the help you need, you just need to show the proof. When it comes to anxiety, there is nothing here that can’t be solved hun ok, nice large Yorkshire tea and a few biscuits and then tell the relevant people what they need to know, when it comes to safety people take that seriously. ❤

    #58259 Report

    JBLA
    Participant

    Actually you can get away… but you’ll need expert support. National domestic abuse helpline & many dv services can help you with this.

    your right to not be complacent about the court. We’d all like to think they recognise abuse, but as family law & courts are entirely separate to criminal law or courts you’d be surprised what gets missed. it should never happen, but abusers are frequently granted access, especially if a survivor doesn’t have all the support they need.

    Its very good cafcass are involved. trust them, explain everything & that you’ve tried your best and are reaching out for expert support, the more they know & the more they understand you are trying to get healthy support, the more they will be inclined to support you. It’s important the kids are heard in this, they will likely be assessed for exhibiting any signs the abuse is affecting them too. It worth contacting their school or nursey who can provide additional support, like access to counselling for the kids.

    with everything that’s gone on – with support from rights of women, you could also apply for an injunction, which will be recognised in a court.

    totally agree with Vintagedresser 🙂 yessss… it’s a metaphorical frying pan job for sure, i’ll bring the shovel 🙂 let’s grow roses from these abusers crap & live our best lives free from all the BS.

    just imagine everything we could be doing with all this energy invested in escaping, once we are out & free to live a healthy happy life 🙂 It is possible 🙂

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