This isn't how my life was suppose to turn out…..

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  • #8349 Report


    Ok as stated in my title I am really struggling to come to terms with being a single mum. I’ve been separated for nearly 9 months. Don’t really know what happened, my husband got into drinking too much and wanting to live a wild weekend every weekend and got hostile towards me so I walked away (this was after our give it another go). My husband since has got with someone else who I have heard from his mum is very controlling.

    He’s not speaking to any of his family, is having problems at work and hasn’t seen my son since before Christmas and my daughter twice. He won’t communicate with me at all unless it’s by email and about the sale of the house.

    I’ve literally been dropped from a height and struggling to stand on my own.

    Every day is a effort, it’s like ground hog day over and over again.

    I’m trying my hardest to keep moving forward and to not let the kids see how at a loss I am but it’s so hard!

    Storm Emma


    #8355 Report


    Wow, what can we say? We’re all in different variations of a similar story. I hear so many parents here struggling with kids as a single parent and yet here I am with my wife having taken the children away and no contact since, even though I long for it. I’m learning neither option seems to be pleasant. I echo the title of this thread. I never saw this coming, never wanted it, don’t know what’s going on or what the future holds.

    But that’s what Gingerbread is good for. We all lean on one another for some strength from time to time. If we can help, let us know. If you can help others, let them know.

    Take care Emma and let’s all get out the other side…

    #8369 Report


    Thanks for your reply. I’m sorry to hear your not getting to spend time with your children. I just wish my ex had the same passion to see his kids.

    I hope you can sort some arrangement out soon.

    My mum told me about gingerbread, she’d heard about it somewhere

    #8411 Report


    Hi sorry your feeling like this do u have much family around or a bestie. I’ve been separated  for 4mths now and without my family support I’d b nowhere. I talk regularly with my bestie and meet up and don’t get me wrong I feel like u most days and there isant a day I don’t think about my H or us. But I get on with things 4 my boys and I know it’s easy said but try and keep your mind active could b a new hobby u like or anything. It will help abit!

    As for your kids it’s hard them they might not show it but we all go through it. My eldest 13yr won’t c his dad (his own reasons) but my 10yr will. I’m not for one not letting them c him, I believe both parents should still carry on there responsibility regardless the situation.  Give them plenty of reassurance and love & cuddles which I’m sure u do 😊 and try and surround yourself & kids with people u love like family. It will definitely help xx

    #8434 Report


    Hi Emma, I know it doesn’t feel like it right now but it will get better.

    My now ex husband left me 3 years ago and I can honestly say he was my life but I look back now and think I’m making it on my own. I still have bad days and still struggle with saying I’m a single parent but how I was 3 years ago and how I am now I’m like a new woman!

    Concentrate on the people that matter the most and take it one day at a time x

    #8551 Report


    I know how you feel, I became a single parent to 4 children in October last year.  It wasn’t my decision forced on me by social services (older children made accusations about their step father)  I find life incredibly  lonely and some days I can’t see any light at the end of the tunnel.  Mother’s Day today has been very very hard my 7 & 5 year olds tried my 17 year olds seemed to not give a monkeys so today has been a non event really.  Went to church where I was serving loved spending the morning with the children felt very valued.  Came home to continue with a normal Sunday put food delivery away and cook a roast dinner.  Fed up of my life and like you didn’t see this coming 6 months ago.  Feel very broken. Xx

    #8553 Report


    Happy Mother’s Day Caz and all the Mums on Gingerbread. Don’t think about the “broken” bit. Remember the “valued” bit.

    #8557 Report


    Happy Mother’s Day to all … mine was pretty rubbish as it was her dads weekend so I spent it alone.

    I have depression and anxiety which just makes things even harder.

    Im going to bed with the thought tomorrow is a new day.

    #8820 Report


    Hi  Emma,

    Just another voice to say you aren’t alone. My husband left completely out of the blue about 6 months ago leaving me with a three year old and 7 months pregnant with our second child.

    It just feels like this isn’t my life and I really struggle to tell people that I’m a single parent because I feel like I will be judged, even though we had been together for 12 years and I would have (and probably still would) try anything to make our marriage work.

    So I can’t offer any advice; but you are definitely not the only one to be feeling like this.

    #12034 Report


    Hi Emma,

    I am now divorced 3 years, 5 years since I separated. I was married for 16 years….I would like to think I was a good father and a good husband – well, the second part must be questionable -otherwise why am I where I am today?  My kids are now 17 and 20, and the 20 year old (girl) never visits me (even though I live less than a mile from our family home) and my 17 year old son, I hope we have a strong relationship, but he tends to pop around to use the xbox!!

    I found starting again, was a nightmare. Cooking, school, washing and my ironing is still very bad…and yes even now I hate telling people I’m divorced/a single parent…to me it shouts out a failure. I doubt either kids will even remember about fathers day.  I don’t think I deserve this, but this is it, life is not like a Disney film.

    My advice – speak to close friends, keep in contact with your friends. The “firsts” (after the separation/divorce) are the worse…first Christmas, first birthday, first anniversary, first holiday….but after some time you have to run out of the “firsts” 😉 phew

    I find going for a run helps me cope (exercise is very good for kicking the blues), don’t play sad music in the house, try and think about the smallest positive that has come out of the whole situation and hold onto that thought cos we only get one chance in life and whatever life throws at you – it can and will get better!


    #12069 Report


    sorry to hear about your seperation, I’ve been apart about 1 year now, I had to take my daughter who is 6 now, away from home because my wife was being abusive, I put up with it toward me, then she hit our daughter in the face for not sitting on a chair properly, along with other things it was the last straw.
    I don’t have family close by that can help so that’s a challenge for me. My ex controlled all my activities and that means I don’t have many friends close by either, so I’m on here to connect with people and share stories and future goals, dreams.

    Has any one been to a gingerbread group or started one, it would be a good thing to get involved in, I’m in Essex, Waltham Abbey.

    I found sharing with parents at school helped, some offered to look after my daughter sometimes. Making new friends with hardly any time on your hands is difficult.

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