Third trimester and no support from baby daddy

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  • #54986 Report

    Abbbc66
    Participant

    Hey guys,

    Just wondering if anyone had any advice. My baby is due this month, and the father has not given any support financially, or shown any real interest into baby.
    I am getting increasingly anxious regarding once baby is here – in fact it is making dread having baby cuz I just don’t know what to expect from him.
    He says he “wants to be involved” but he hasn’t so far, and has made little effort. It’s not fair once baby is here, everything is all done for him and he just gets the good life.  Sorry if this sounds wrong, but I am happy for him to be involved it’s good for baby to have a dad in there life, it’s just I wish it was fair.
    Do I just have to get over this? And suck it up, or do I say something?

    #54988 Report

    Timefortea
    Participant

    Hello!
    I was once in the same position as you. I do think you should communicate with him as he may not know how you feel or if he does not realise how much it is troubling you. Some partners/other parent get more involved when baby is there.

    Unfortunately  many things in life aren’t fair however I would say it’s important to focus on your health and baby, the fact that you are finding platforms to voice how you feel is good to! I do hope everything works out for you.

    #55022 Report

    Fluffylittleclouds
    Participant

    I’d probably plan to go it alone. If he does get involved that’s a bonus but he may withdraw even more. Or he could see the baby and totally change his ways. I’d recommend getting in a situation where you are not dependent financially, emotionally or practically. That way you can’t be let down. Its sad but you can’t make someone be responsible or involved or change their ways. You can control you though. You will gain so much confidence and satisfaction from being independent. I was scared when my husband left but soon realized how capable I actually am. Over time it does boost your confidence. I’d suggest writing him a letter / email. That way you express yourself but without arguments.

    #55174 Report

    Abbbc66
    Participant

    I have tried to arrange to speak with him arranged a time he was going to call so we could talk about things but he never called. I also have tried to arrange to meet up at a public place to talk but he never replies with a date time etc.

    i have tried to tell him how I feel and tried to ask him regarding how involved he wants to be, but he never answers the question, I’ve asked Multiple times and tried to break it down for him, by asking like once a week, monthly etc. But never get an answer.

    Obviously, I am worried about once baby is here, cuz I just don’t have any plans or anything, (I have tried)  for once baby is here and feel like I’m going into this blind.
    i don’t understand why he isn’t able to communicate and not sure what else to try. Also if this is what he is like then also worried how hard it is going to be to work around a baby lol.

    he isn’t someone I have trust in as he lied to me as he was seeing someone’s else. But I just think if a person wants to be involved they would make more of an effort etc. And I obviously want to do what it right for baby.

    #55186 Report

    dannii009
    Participant

    I broke up with my partner when I was pregnant and my one piece of advice to you is just focus on yourself and the baby. If you ex wants to be involved, let him make the effort. It he doesn’t, so be it. He’ll be the one missing out…big time. Don’t waste your energy on getting stressed and anxious about it. You tried, I’d leave it now. Like someone else said assume you’re doing it alone then any help physically or financially he may offer eventually will be a bonus. You really can’t force someone to step up and parent when they don’t want to and it’s not worth wasting your time trying to force it…trust me, I wish I hadn’t. You will be an awesome mummy, your baby will be very loved by you and, who knows, you may meet someone better one day.

    #55208 Report

    Sheevss
    Participant

    I broke up with my daughter’s dad 2 days before I gave birth, after finding out he cheated on me. We broke up many times before that whilst I was pregnant, but that was the last straw. Considering our toxic relationship, I knew I had to prepare myself for doing it all by myself.

    Four and a half years later now I know that was the best decision ever.

    I helped him financially more than he ever contributed to his daughter’s upbringing. As someone already said, it’s better to have no expectations and treat any involvement or contributions as a bonus. It is not easy and I wish he would be more consistent with spending time with his daughter, but I have no control over that.

    I am lucky enough to have been in another relationship for over 3 years (with its ups and downs) and, even though we live separately, my daughter absolutely adores my boyfriend and he is a much better paternal figure for her than her own dad.

    I wish you best of luck, I know it’s not easy, but it’s not impossible!

    #55221 Report

    Jess8080
    Participant

    I understand your concerns as I am in a similar position.

    My babies dad called me for everything under the sun when we found out I was pregnant. We broke up and he later came back begging me for another chance, stupidly I took him back as I wanted to do this as a couple and not have to be single and pregnant. Even after we sat down and spoke and he made a bunch of promises he was very distant and felt like he was doing what he felt he ‘had’ to and nothing more it was clear for me to see he didn’t want me but his family have told him to stay close to me so that he’s involved with baby.

    I recently broke up with him again and told him that I can’t take the stress of focusing on him and our relationship and been pregnant and trying to be healthy for the baby.

    The best advice I can give is try your best not to think about him and think about doing this on your own. If he steps up after the baby is born and takes a interest and contributes then that’s a bonus but you and your baby come first so try and enjoy this. My ex has ruined the first few months of my pregnancy I am going to do all I can to enjoy the rest of it!

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