The only relationship I’ve ever had has just ended

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  • #42797 Report

    Callum T 836
    Participant

    Ive been in a relationship with the woman I loved since I was 15, we were together for 9 and a half years and have 3 wonderful children together. 

    During the lock down she told me she had met someone else online and didn’t love me anymore, to say I didn’t take it well was an understatement. I lashed out in anger and said hurtful things I never should have said, now she wants nothing more to do with me which I understand.

    At this time we are still living together which is difficult to say the least, she’s moved on and seems happy; unfortunately for me I quickly realised that I had built my life around her. My friends were her friends and now are off limits, I’ve never felt so alone in my life and spend all my time I’m not working sat in what used to be our guest room but is now my master suite.

    I won’t bore you all with my spiral into depression because it’s a bit of a sob story and I’m not here for anyone to feel sorry for me, I just need some advice. How do I start my life over? How do I make friends and meet new people?

    My ex is in Yorkshire at the moment spending her weekend with the new man in my life, her parents have taken my two oldest kids as well; because they seem to enjoy my misery. So it’s just me and eight month old Phoebe tonight, and so far the only adult conversation I’ve had all day was a brief word with the pizza delivery driver.

    Is there light at the end of this tunnel?

    #42798 Report

    Effusive
    Participant

    First things first mate, welcome.

    I’m absolutely gutted to hear your story.

    I was with my Mrs 10 years and we separated 6 weeks ago, so with regards to spiralling into a deep depression mate, I’m currently in the midst of it myself trying to work things out. Feel free to share it with me via PM or in this thread if you need to let it out and vent. You’ve come to the right place. We’re all in this together – we’re here to help – not judge.

    I left the family home we own together and I’m now back in my parent’s spare room, which is an even bigger kick in the bollocks.

    If you want to chat about absolutely anything I’m here mate.

     

    #42800 Report

    cara.flannex
    Participant

    Hi Callum,

    I’m sorry to hear you going through a rough time, it really does sound awful. I’m new on here and still slowly digesting what my new life is starting to look like. I’m hoping Phoebe is distracting you and giving you lots of cuddles.  My kids (and the dog) are what make me get up in a morning. If not for the love then the pure noise they give off.

    I know it’s overwhelming picking up the pieces to start again, I would first recommend trying to get an appointment with Citizens Advice Bureau to know your options. They can also inform you of any social things/clubs you can get involved in local to you. Solicitors (family law) offer first 30 mins free so get your questions ready. As far as your relationship i hope you know this isn’t you. It was her choice to go elsewhere and to act on it. Also Speak to doc’s, family, anyone really if your feeling so down it becomes hard to cope. Like Effusive says we are all in this together.

    I thought i’d grieved the loss of everything i had, but i can still feel things are very raw.  You will meet new people, when your ready just put yourself out there a bit. Go get involved in stuff, learn a new skill. I hope your making new adventures very soon. Best wishes

     

    #42801 Report

    Callum T 836
    Participant

    The whole thing just makes me feel worthless, the worst part is she dangled me along for three months after the breakup. She said she needed time to work stuff out, but she already knew what she wanted. I feel like if she’d been honest to me from the start we could have remained friends, but her idea of “protecting” me just made things worse.

    I have her name tatooed along my forearm, which after drinking a little of vodka I tried to burn off (not something I’d recommend to anyone) she’s already covered her tattoo and has had her new fellows name put in it’s place.

    Effusive I know your pain mate. It feels as though a part of me has been ripped out, and it hurts all the more when you realise that you didn’t mean as much to them as they do to you.

    My biggest mistake was trying to end my own life, mixing large amounts of alcohol and codeine. It wasn’t till I hospitalised myself that I realised how selfish I’d been and that if I’d succeded my kids would have to live with that there whole lives.

    And after all this I still love her, even though I know she doesn’t love or respect me; the break up didn’t affect her in the slightest.

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