The Little Things That Hurt

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  • #18577 Report


    Compared to the many big issues myself and others on this forum are dealing with, the things that have upset me today are really minor and trivial but I feel like I need somewhere to express them as they still hurt just the same.

    Yesterday as I was putting my son to bed he said he wanted to send some Christmas cards to members of his class as others had been giving them out this week, being frugal/tight we go out each year in the days after Christmas to buy our cards for the following year when they are on sale 50% off so this morning before heading to work I got out the box with the cards in to find some for him to write.

    That simple act turned out to be a bit of a double blow to me as at the top of the box was the thoughtfully selected wife card I had bought last year that now won’t be sent after my wife walked out on April Fools Day. When she left and I was wanting to fight for our marriage, reference was made to the fact this wasn’t a snap decision on her part and that she had been planning it for some time, looking back I can see that now in many of the decisions she made and this morning reinforced that horrible truth once again.

    In the bag of cards she had bought last year there were ones for every member of the family, school teachers, work colleagues etc. with one very notable exception – the distinct lack of a husband card. It hurts to think that a year ago she had already mentally checked out of the relationship when I am still struggling each day to cope with and accept it being over.

    One of the other things my son said last night was how Christmas this year wasn’t going to be as special without everyone being there (we’ve lost my grandfather to cancer and my wife to adultery), last night I tried to comfort and reassure him but this morning it has really hit me how very right he was.

    #18599 Report

    Hi SCS.  I can hear from what you are saying how things can be tough for you at times.  The forum community can be a useful way of sharing experiences and making connections with other lone parents.  You talk about what has upset you as being trivial.  Please remember that an event which is seen as minor or major becomes irrelevant if your emotions are affected.  Please continue to use the forum to gain support from other people here and I wish you the very best for the future.

    #18601 Report


    Hope ur ok

    #18724 Report


    My husband, who I thought I knew better than myself , turned out to be an extremely good liar too and devestated me beyond words last month when I found out about the other woman. He has moved out into a flat locally and we are working on a visitation routine. I’m generally managing okay but find the little ‘trivial’  things absolutely heartbreaking and, like you, am trying to manage our two little girls expectations of Christmas when I’m still finding my feet in the awful circumstances I have found myself in.

    With the idea of trying to make it special perhaps could you try and start one or two new ‘traditions’ that you two can do together that he would enjoy? Maybe a Christmas daddy/son board game session or maybe something arty you could do and make together?

    Feel free to pm me if you want to chat x

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