The ex plays mind games with the kids. Do any other parents have the same?
17 May 2020 at 5:47 pm #40096
My ex plays many games and has been for many years. One of the on-going games, is to set the kids tech up that he gives them, creates a problem and with holds the details to be able to sort it out, stressing us all out. Its been repeated over and over for years. For instance he will sign them up of apple id and not give them the password to sign back in, changes app permissions on their tech and stopped them facetiming friends (their mini teens) signs them out of i cloud so they cant change their phone or back up phone/ photos. After battling to get them access to the phone passwords) he changed it, then said he couldnt remember the associated emails/ passwords/ I.D’s to be able to get the details. My question is, do other parents have the same problem amongst many others, that repeats and spans over all tech?18 May 2020 at 10:24 am #40109
My first thought is why do you give him the power to do this. Take control back by stopping his access to any media or technology. Set them up yourself and block him out!
If the problem lies with finances and he pays for said technology then save up and buy them yourself or explain to the children you cannot afford things just yet.
Only you can weigh up the emotional abuse on your children verses the need for such technology in the first place.19 May 2020 at 3:34 pm #40141
Thankyou for your reply, any help is appreciated. I don’t give him the power, he takes away my/our options so I have no choice but to react. I once got access to the password so my son could sign in to apple, the latest one is hes changed the password now and kept it from my son. I cant take over the phone because i cant reset it because the ex has the passcodes, changes app permission, littlin comes to me stressed and I try to sort it and everytime he says ‘I can’t remember the apple id/ the associated email/ the passwords ect. So I have to find ways of him to recover this info on his behalf and let him know (although he already does). I can’t afford to replace the tech or get a contract because im not working at the mo because he keeps gas lighting and deliberately triggering off my anxiety and I can’t give the tech back because his phone is his life, ergo the cycle keeps on going. Im trying to change littlins number at the mo but i cant back up his phone because we cant get the details, so littlin doesnt want to lose his bits. Ive had to wipe and re set up the playstation after he’s prented to transfer the kids data (i knew nothing about playstations at time) onto his console, what he did was set up a profile on our playstation without my permisssion, signed the kids out of the playstation network (which at time i couldn’t recover that email address for 1 month) kids were really stressed that progress was lost and he said it was because they wanted to use his play station plus pass between 2 consoles. I wiped and during the restricion codes for playstation were changed (i had them written down, none recognised) so i couldnt access the console, had to soft reset it to default codes. Then next day he drops down a mincecraft disc and probs with that ( said storaage issue and corrupted file) then we received a suggested update to reset consile in soft ,mode but to download it from playstation store update from april 7.50 causes reboot failures and infinite loops on consoles. These things ahve been continually going on since 2013. I try to push back and he finds another way to do it. His current one is hes told littlin hes now buying him a new samsung for his birthday rather than sort it or give me the info to sort it, ergo I change his number he gets to do it again.19 May 2020 at 3:44 pm #40142
I do see what your saying in terms of the tech need though too, but for 2 teens tech is their life, so it’s very difficult to find a way out of this situation. He also plays games with telling the kids they are going to miss out on amazing things like parties ect during our quality time together, regardless of how much i’ve tried to compromise, he’ll continiously book activities like wrestling, days out on our time together and obviously i feel i cant say no because it will upset the kids but he does it deliberately. He tells and (im aware) the kids to ask me to see him and not to tell me his asked them to start with and makes them feel guilty. I tried involving a mediator he said his famous phrase ‘ let me prove it to you, i can do this’ whilst behind the scenes he deliberately does everything he can to get an emptional reaction and my attention, like trying to have a go at me, the day my relative died and telling me it was my fault he was having ago because apparently i’m the only person that makes him feel like this, that my attempts to get on top of the situation are me being controlling. So I pulled out of mediation. He encourages the kids to phone and asks where Iam when i do a dog walk, he tells the kids they don’t need a bedtime at 12 and 13. So i’m not sure where or how to go forward.19 May 2020 at 3:51 pm #40143
He also and has been under paying maintenance for last 2 yrs, although hes been told by the csa he was still doing it before lockdown. He told me a month ago he was being furloughed ( which fair enough), however the school meal vouchers were sent to him by accident he choose to with hold them, I had to ask for this to be sorted out on my behalf because I would have gone to him, he would have denied receiving them and we would have had another game, amd it would have been me being unreasonable, it wasnt him-it was somebody elses fault not his ect ect19 May 2020 at 4:34 pm #40146
I got that. She took all the kids tech and replaced the accounts with her own so she has total control over their tablets and I have nothing.19 May 2020 at 7:41 pm #40151
How did you sort it?