The beginning of seperating

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  • #44105 Report


    Hi All,


    I’m in the process of seperating from my husband of 7 years with a 2 year old. He has agreed for me to stay in the house whilst he rents a flat nearby. I have no family near me and I’m finding the whole thing really overwhelming. I can’t sleep at night worried about how I will get by- I work 3 days a week in a decent job and I’ve applied to universal credit which luckily said I’m at least entitled to help with costs towards childcare. I spoke to a solicitor who said that if we’re considering selling the house then I should push for more equity.  The house is 50/50 but if I agree to that, I wouldn’t be able to afford to rehomed me and my daughter. Has anyone got any experience in how this works? I know it will be a very uncomfortable conversation to have with ex as I think he expects me to go down the middle but there’s only about 100k equity in the house.. I worked out on a 70/30 with me going back full time if she’s at school it could work. He earns a good salary and lots of OT opportunities so he won’t struggle.


    I’m also worried because my mortgage term ends in January. At the moment he’s agreed to enter into a 2 year fixed until little one is at school but after that he will want to sell.


    Does anyone have any advice?


    Many thanks

    #44107 Report


    Hi,usually if there is children involve the split of a house after sale usually ends up favouring the prime carer 60/40 usually,I would go to mediation with him to discuss everything as then you can discuss him staying on the mortgage for  2 years with an option of buying him out of his share after 2 years,they go through everything from financial,kids,divorce

    #44129 Report


    Jsmoove, thank you for your advice. I definitely want to go to mediation as he usually will take anyone else’s word but mine.. A 60/40 split would be hard for me to get a home on my own whereas a 70/30 would be a lot more doable though I know that’s a big ask and I don’t think he would take too kindly to that at all! I guess a mediator would be able to figure all this out?


    #44150 Report


    Can I ask one thing, you said he can do OT at work and will be fine, if he did surely he wouldn’t be able to see his 2 year old daughter? I really hate the shovanistic mentality of today’s world where they think men have to work and pay for everything.

    If he is a decent man and you talk to him and express your concerns surely he would come to agreement. But please don’t expect people to do extra and assume they will be fine with it. Ask him if he is, how would he cope, when will he see his kid? He may have a job and a little bit of money but your have the kid for most of the time. I know currently all they do is keep you busy and cry lol but their beginning their own little person. I have a 7 year old daughter now and my god she makes me laugh 🙂

    Financially your going to be fine.

    Your the main career for the child so the government is going to pour money at you.

    Child benefits, child tax credits, universal credits, council tax reduction, housing benefits, check gents at your local council. If your going to be homeless (as in you have to sell as your seperating) apply for a council property, as a temporary setting till you get on your feet.

    My ex receives alot more benefits that I do just because according to the government she is the main career, even though she stay with me sometimes more than half the week but nope I don’t count just the mum.

    Basically just talk to you ex and express how you feel but know this won’t be the end.

    #44152 Report

    Tina 2020

    Daddypig- thanks for your input but you’ve made a lot of assumptions on not a lot of information I have given. To start with, I would never and have never just expect him to do OT- he knows if he does it, that’s is child maintenance paid for one day’s work or half his rent. He chose to do over time in the 5 rest days he gets off- 3 of those in which he will see his daughter so please don’t assume I’m forcing him to do this.

    I secondly do not expect the man to pay for everything what a ridiculous comment to make.. I have a good job and I haven’t relied on him financially at all but like a lot of mothers on here, I put my career on hold to raise our child. I cannot get into full time work until she’s at school, partly as I want to spend this time with her and secondly because full time nursing fees are crippling. I’m sorry that you have a warped view on things given your situation but not everyone is the same…

    A lot of the benefits you mentioned, I am not actually entitled to, so again-assumptions made on your part.

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