I have twins who are nearly 18 and one will be off to univiersity September 2021.
I have been divorced from their father for nearly 4 years and for the last 12 months I’ve been dating someone who they have met a handful of times. I have let my daughters know that he will be moving in, in 6 months time so I thought enough time for them to get used to it but one of my daughters has reacted very badly.
She is a recovered annorexic (not sure if relevant) and can be a bit controlling. She has screamed and shouted at me to not let him move in. She has said it wouldn’t matter who it is, so not personal to him but that he is a stranger and he should wait until she goes to universaity which is a year away. I’ve refused this and said over the next 6 months we need to work on him not being a stranger and reassuring her we will have time together. He leaves for work early and gets home late and has other activities.
She has threatened to move out and also that she will be nasty to him. She has said that if I continue that her eating disorder will return.
My partner works with teenagers all day so he says it doesn’t worry him how she is with him but he agrees it is better that she gets to know him rather than waiting until she leaves.
I haven’t been through this but it all sounds quite difficult. Eating disorders are often a way of keeping control where she can’t control the things around her. This situation is out of her control. The threats are obviously because of high anxiety around this. If she feels that he is a stranger and doesn’t know him very well then try and look at that from her point of view. If I lived in a home where I felt safe and secure would I want a stranger to move in and possibly change all of that. I think the only way to solve this is to get them to know each other a bit better and to reassure her that things won’t change, she may be feeling a bit pushed out. If she’s close to her sister could you get her to have a chat with her about it? I hope things work out for you all.