Teenager emotionally upset

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    Maximax45
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    Hi All – Looking for some advice on child care arrangements that are no longer working. My ex husband is a very  controlling duty father and set the arrangements when we split up over three years ago. My children are lucky that they get to see their dad every Wednesday and alternative weekends but when it is not his weekend, he has them on a Thursday night as well as the Wednesday which means every other week they are back and fourth as he picks them up around 5pm from me. Both Children now don’t want to do this, and I have asked if we could drop this night (Only twice a month)   What should be a parenting discussion between us, normally ends up with a firm “NO” as these are the set rules that he has full control over.  Is there anybody I can speak to, about this as I believe I have a strong case in adjusting the Thursday night due to what works best for the children. Thank you – If it helps my ex is a narcissistic bully and does not co-parent.

    #56483 Report

    Cariad63
    Participant

    When I split with my ex in 2017  (she ended it) we agreed that they would spend their time 50/50 at that point the children were 12/11/9. In the week I had them I’d take them to spend time with her on a Wednesday and when it was her week I’d pick them up for a few hours. This went on to the Autumn when out of the blue she sent me an email telling me that she had spoken to the children and they were not happy with the arrangement and she asked them to chose to live with me or her and spend alternate weekends only. She was quite shocked when two of them chose to live with me! BUT when I spoke to the children about all this I was told a very different story by them, the ex had sat them down, told them that she was not happy with all the messing around (considering it was me doing all the running around it was a bit rich)  and demanded they chose where to live. I was dead set against it as the children would no longer live together full time. After a lot of back and fourth it happened.

    All I am saying is that children can be manipulated, have a bad visit or simply not want to upset the parent they are talking to, it was clear that my ex framed her argument and questions to suit her aims. There were several occasions that one of my daughters did not want to go there for the weekend and a couple of times when she called and asked me to collect her after an argument with the ex, on each occasion I talked her down and she went / stayed.

    The ex then decided to move to Northern Ireland in 2018 and does what she wants (not complying with the CAO which is not worth the paper it was written on), she expected to take all 3 children with her but all 3 stayed with me until the court order where my eldest went to live with her – interestingly she calls me a controlling Narcissist when the opposite is the case (not saying your ex isn’t). She gave off to me about not co-parenting but that translated into I had to agree with everything she wanted and do what I was told. All my communication with her was written (emails) as on every occasion even for the simplest matter I spoke to her she would seize the opportunity to provoke or have a dig. Good luck!

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