Teenager distraught at moving home

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This topic contains 33 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  GirlFriday 3 months, 1 week ago.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 34 total)
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  • #22993 Report

    SingleT
    Participant

    Hi All

    my 15 yr old son is so upset at having to leave the family home. His dad walked out 15 months ago, and as horrific as that was, we’ve settled into a routine. I told him at the time the house would have to be sold, but because it’s taken so long to sort out finances I guess my son got used to us being here.

    I’ve gone from PT to FT to maximise my earning capacity, but changing jobs to earn even more isn’t an option as that will affect my credit score to get a mortgage.

    I don’t want to move out the area as he has a life and friends here. One of his friends was in a similar situation. They moved out the area and now he can’t join in with simple things like going to the park if his mum’s not around to drive him and I don’t want that for my son.

    I don’t want to rent as it will be double the cost of a mortgage and that’s my son’s inheritance, but with the area I’m in all I can afford is an apartment and that’s what my son is struggling with as all his mates have a house (as do we currently). He’s not spoilt by any means. But I remember (jist sbout) what it was like at that age, and image was everything.

    Ive even offered him to live with his dad and girlfriend as they’ll be able to afford a big house, even though that will break my heart.

    Anyone that has been through it, I’d love to hear from you.

    Thanks x

     

     

    #22999 Report

    SOLOMUMMY
    Participant

    Hi

    I’m not quite in the same situation, but am in the situation where my child is quite vocal that we have the smallest house and garden – that in itself has issues which make it far from ideal. So I sort of get the “issues”.

    I would try and look at this practically.

    What do you actually lose out on by moving to an apartment?

    How much time is spent in the garden? I presume at best weekends and school holidays? Maybe the odd kick a ball around. Odd barbeque or al fresco dinner? Lots of time pondering when to do the gardening/mowing the grass etc?

    So in real terms, I imagine there’d be more of an issue if say you couldn’t afford wifi to play whatever games gadget your son’s attached to etc?

    And as harsh as this is, he is fifteen so could be off for uni or a job etc in only 2-3 years.

    I would try to turn this into an opportunity. An opportunity to find a home together that he gets to have his voice heard about. One where you make the best of your money. Where you’re no longer tied to a garden that requires maintenance etc. Maybe get the best of both worlds with a terrace or balcony that you can sit on? A new home where he gets to assist with colour choices and decorating etc.

    Hopefully somewhere that is still within a reasonable distance of the main locations that your son socialises in.

    How imminently do you need to move? If a different job would get you a better mortgage you may well find that this only takes three payslips to be relevant or at worse a six month probationary period.So a new job is an option, but personally I wouldn’t overstretch yourself for a garden that may only be to meet the peer pressure that will only be for the short-term!

    #23000 Report

    GirlFriday
    Participant

    Hi, unfortunately I am in the same boat. My DD (almost 15) and I moved out of the marital home 2 weeks ago, stbx left Aug Bhol, house of my dreams sold really quickly (it was a lovely 4 bed detached). We are currently staying with my parents whilst looking for a small 2 bedroom house poss 3 (similar to my first house 25 years ago 🙁) in the same area as I like it here & DD has all her friends who are mainly in the next village which is v affluent. I have taken on an extra day at work to increase the amount of mortgage I can get as renting is approx £200-£250 per month more but I have now lost my UC.. give with one hand take with the other!! DD has been brill this week as we missed out on a house last week & she had been v stroppy about wanting to see her friends rather than houses.. think she felt guilty when she found it had sold as she knew how much I liked it. Going to see another one on Sat so 🤞. She does seem to understand things are different now especially as she has not seen her Dad since Oct & he hasn’t made any effort with her. Onwards & upwards I keep telling her x

    #23001 Report

    welshdad
    Participant

    I’ve moved a few times since I separated and I can honestly say the most important concern for me is somewhere safe.  Having moved somewhere initially where a someone was staying with the neighbour whose mental health issues posed a safety issue, and due to being tied into the remainder of a lease and hard up for cash at the time due to the split I had to have all visitation at my parents house instead, before finally being able to move out to a nice safe environment.  If I had been a homeowner at that point I would have been in a much worse situation because of the lack of flexibility.  While I understand wanting to maintain inheritance as you put it, and yes renting is dead money… Until you find your feet it does give you flexibility.

    From a cost perspective it’s definitely something I’m aspiring to as well however as renting does have its drawbacks.  It would have to be the right place however as renting has certainly been an eye opener.  When discussing any move with my son though all he ever says is he wants somewhere safe… and his room is the main thing he asks about…just wanting somewhere a bit bigger, which is understandable as he is growing up fast.  The experience of my first home after the split has made him appreciate location more than anything…safety and comfort and proximity to what he cares about.  Family above all,  as his friends are near his mother’s house.

    Focus on the things that are constants as opposed to transient …and as Solomummy says above try to involve him as much as possible in the process.  He will appreciate that.

     

     

    #23031 Report

    Kathymumofone
    Participant

    Good things are he won’t have to mow the lawn, do weeding or paint fences.

     

    Or can you get a garden flat or a maisonette?  Or at least somewhere with a decent balcony so you can sunbathe.

    #23208 Report

    SingleT
    Participant

    Thanks all I really appreciate your replies. I agree Welshdad. I was brought up in a not so nice area but I didn’t know any different and my parents knew everyone so it was fine. My son has never known that and doesn’t have an honest concept of what it would be like, even if he thinks it does.

    i decided yesterday to rent for 12 months. I want my son settled ready for his GCSEs and this takes pressure off panic buying something I’m not 100% happy with x

    #23209 Report

    welshdad
    Participant

    Sounds like a good plan SingleT you can always re evaluate the situation later down the line 🙂

    #23211 Report

    GirlFriday
    Participant

    That does sound like a plan! I must admit that was my original idea as my DD is 1 year into her GCSEs and we aren’t sure where she will go after at the moment but I need to use the current CMS to get the mortgage I need for something half decent. Am convinced STBXH will increase his pension this year which will reduce next years payment so do need to buy now why I can. Have seen a house 3 times and think I am just about ready to put in an offer, it’s just such a big decision .. watch this space 🤞

    #23257 Report

    SingleT
    Participant

    That’s great news GirlFriday. Good luck x

    #23260 Report

    GirlFriday
    Participant

    They accepted the offer… OMG I bought a house 😆Onwards & upwards for me n DD realty hope it all goes through swiftly can’t wait for us to get the keys ☺️

    #23261 Report

    SingleT
    Participant

    That’s amazing news! So pleased for you both x

    #23262 Report

    GirlFriday
    Participant

    Thanks, am really impatient 😂

    #23344 Report

    SingleT
    Participant

    So…. I accepted an offer on my house today. And I showed my son the place that’s caught my eye to rent and he’s okay with it.

    Thanks all for listening and the advice. GirlFriday keep us posted on your move x

    #23346 Report

    welshdad
    Participant

    Fantastic!  Hope it goes smoothly for you 🙂

    #23349 Report

    SingleT
    Participant

    Thanks Welshdad. My buyers are FTB and as I’m renting should go well. Although me and my neighbours ended up in tears when I went round to tell them. But I promised them I’ve sold to a lovely couple.

    Now to plan a few garden parties before I leave 😂🍾🎵💃 x

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