Teenage son struggling with exams and won’t open up for help

[LennyD]

Hi all. My first post! I’m feeling a bit lost and helpless this morning. My ex ended our marriage on xmas morning 2 years ago. It came out a few weeks later that he had been living with someone for over a year (he works / lives abroad while I was at home in uk with the kids). Both children (13 & 15 at the time) took it very badly. Youngest began self harming and got herself in a grooming situation so lots of intervention from counsellors and police. CAMHS crisis assessment but no support available til a year later & oldest portrayed himself to be fine & wouldn’t open up but then wrote desperate / suicidal comments all over mock GCSE paper & so school counseller intervention followed but he was reluctant. Things have improved with youngest and she is stronger than ever but I’ve always feared eldest isn’t / hasn’t dealt with his emotions but he is reluctant to open up and has finished counselling. I guess I feel it’s all come to a head as he got AS results yesterday. I can only assume things went badly as he had said he’s not ready to tell me. I can wait for the results that’s fine but I’m very concerned for his emotional well-being and I dont know how to reach him when he shuts down like this. He’s not the most open or talkative / sharing person anyway! I guess I’m looking for advice as to how to handle the next few days / weeks. My mind immediately jumps to harming scenarios after previous experience with the other one. Your thoughts would be gratefully received

thank you

[Abbeydad]

Hi I often think how my now 6 year old daughter will cope in her adult life, blaming me for the breakup, feeling insecure that could lead to bad situations…  I often think what helps is doing things together one on one, I know my daughter is 6 and I can’t speak from experience with teenagers but I was one and I remember when I was moody or communicative.  The real times came when there was connection with my parent or relative, this happens when you do things together, so take him out of school for the day, its therapy or whatever you want to label it as to the school, do something special, amusement park, go karting, air kicks , I don’t know let them choose it or make it a surprise.  I don’t know if this helps but it might give you some inspiration for your own solutions, good luck.

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