Teen with anxiety refusing school for over a Year but I need to return to work

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  • This topic has 9 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 2 weeks ago by ES.
Viewing 10 posts - 1 through 10 (of 10 total)
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  • #64310 Report

    ES
    Participant

    Hi,

    I have been able to work from home for the last year while my child has had anxiety issues that have meant that they are not regularly attending school.  CAHMS, Early Intervention are involved but crunch time is coming.  I have to return to face-face work next week.  I have no family around me and my child’s father solution is that we should move back into his place to solve the issue.  This is not going to happen.  I have not set foot outside for 7 days due to a bad bout of anxiety on my teens part.  I have done everything I can think of.  My child is refusing therapy.  We joined a gym to keep them active and swimming to keep them calm.  I need to go to work to pay for the bills and the mortgage as a single parent.  My child refuses to stay with their dad.  I feel as though I am being squeezed on every side.  I have just told my child that I will have to bring in childcare as they have started self-harming and cannot be left alone.  I just don’t know if we are going to make it out of the situation.  I am exhausted, worried and financially sinking.  How will I even afford this childcare. How will I keep up payments on the mortgage if I can’t work or afford childcare.  I don’t qualify for any government support.  I just need to let the worry out as it is a lot to deal with on my own.

     

    #64312 Report

    sirtobi
    Participant

    Hello ES,

    I know a bit about the hell you live in from the inside and how it looks and feels. So what you hear is survivor bias and may not suit you at all, or you might not like it at all. Then just ignore it.

    First, you need to survive. Your needs have to come first now. If you can’t survive, you won’t be able to help anyone any way. The question is, which requirements will have to be satisfied for you to survive and live a healthy life. This needs to be determined. And probably not on the bases  of status quo but in a process of thinking out of the box and elimination.

    How much responsibility are you willing and able to carry. Where able is the key, and when do you have and want to let go.

    We can only make so many decisions for other people’s lives, no matter how much we love them. Sometimes we need to let go and trust and live with what comes up. It boils down to the question of, what is the lesser harm in the long run, and this question means for you in the face of every possible outcome. Where will you end up, in any case.

    No matter, what other people think of you, you have to live with your decisions and as long as you can justify them on the grounds of moral and facts, not assumptions, you should be able to do so.

    When all the walls are caving in and the roof is coming down, the number of choices are limited.

    #64318 Report

    sirtobi
    Participant

    I did forget one of the most important requisites. Contrary to common belief, failure is an option, and we can forgive ourselves, and we will be forgiven. Sometimes. Because we are not perfect, don’t have perfect knowledge or unlimited resources. We are just human.

    #64321 Report

    Kay26
    Participant

    Hi hun, I am in similar situation, I have 2 sons with anxiety and one also has asd. They both refuse to stay anywhere else, it is draining, I feel I don’t get a break also. It’s so horrible to see the children like this x what do we do x hope your ok

    #64345 Report

    wobblecrank
    Participant

    Hi, I do understand your situation,I too have a teen who has been very unwell for a year seeing camhs, in and out of  hospital ,not at school much etc  it’s a struggle to survive with being a full time carer and single parent of 2, working from home and no family to support also friends backing off.  I have learned through experiencing  my own mental ill health due to burn out,  the stress and lack of privacy and freedom , that it’s a priority to stay well to support my teens, it’s tremendous pressure and not really acknowledged by camhs that you are a carer to your unwell teen ontop of being a parent,theres lack of support for us !  I have decided something has to give and that’s my job.  I’m claiming disability for myself and my teen which also triggers enhanced tax credits so although a drop in income it will be ok for now ( I also have mortgage ) just for now .  Im not saying at all that this would be ok for you, I’m just saying you have to put your health first in order to be able to care for your teen ,they need you right now.  I’m treating this time as self development and nurturing my relationship with my kids.  Im learning about eating disorders, DBT and mindfulness skills etc.  I’m going to take up art as a self soothing hobby.  This wasn’t my life plan but I’m going with it for now and who know s it might lead to a better place for me.  I can try get another job later when things improve for my teen.  I’m kind of self justifying my decision here to stop my job! As I said this may not be what you need , but i also dismissed the idea until I realised I  may not be able to continue like this.  Your teen needs you now xxx Camhs family therapy helping alot with communication  with my teen regarding self harm, suicidal ideation and past suicide attempts. I think parent teen  relationship is key to recovery, they are  scared and it takes a huge amount of energy and resources to support teens with anxiety and other Mental illnesses XXX you are doing such a great job

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    • This reply was modified 2 weeks, 1 day ago by wobblecrank.
    #64380 Report

    GingerbreadHelen
    Keymaster

    Hi @ES, I’ve sent you a private message. Helen

    #64440 Report

    ES
    Participant

    Dear Sirtobi,

    Thank you for sharing your experiences.  It really got me thinking about what I need to survive in order to help my teen.  I am going to do some out of the box thinking and see where it takes me.  I think I have been too stressed to actually look at the ‘what if’ scenarios, but you message made me realize that I need to.

    Thank you again

    Es

     

     

    #64442 Report

    ES
    Participant

    Hello,

    Thank you so much for your message.  I am sorry you are in this situation as well. However, hearing that you have been able to cover your mortgage and get by (This is my biggest fear, I have really fought to leave my partner and move out and this space is really precious to me) gives me hope in this situation.  I really hope your teen gets better.  You are doing an amazing thing by prioritizing your teen.  Hang in there xx

    #64445 Report

    ES
    Participant

    Hello,

     

    Thank you for your reply.  Know I am sending you support virtually.  Hang in there xxx

    #64446 Report

    ES
    Participant

    Thank you Helen 🙂 I have seen it and replied back.  It is very thoughtful and very helpful:)

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