Taken to court by father for child access
28 March 2021 at 1:52 pm #52073
Hi all I’m going to try and make my story short.
I came out of an abusive relationship 5 years ago and took my two children with me, 5&9. Over these 5 years I’ve managed to slowly hold my ex and arms length, as he still was very controlling after we had split, ie he would just walk into my new home if I had forgot to lock the door and sit in the house with my eldest whilst I was putting my youngest to bed. I eventually met someone new and he had his nose pushed out, he still had weekend access and whenever he wanted during week if he finished work early. He met someone else two years ago and it all seemed to go wrong, the amicable relationship we had, given the past events, became strained and stressful. I asked to meet this new partner because I wanted to know who my kids where spending time with, anyway she met me once and decided to dislike me from then on. Various messages sent through my youngest from her telling me to cut his nails, and that she was his weekend mummy. Anyway lots went on, and he became abusive again. I had to call the police over one incident outside my home, police advised me to get a mediator, which my mum became. Anyway a year on he decided to take me to court for a live in order. I got granted legal aid and he was paying for a barrister, he got weekend contact which he already had anyway and a Tuesday . He requested that his partner pick my children up when he would be late, I said I could pick them up as I’m here and it sort of defeats the object if he doesn’t, and that I would drop to his address when this happens, and he still also resided in the same area as me at the time. So the judge granted that I drop the children off to him, and also weekend contact too! I only agreed to the Tuesday if he was late. So after court he announced that he would be moving over 25 mins away, and I have tunnel fees and petrol, but I’m still expected to run the boys over. And now he has just announced that he has moved again and purchased a house, an hour away. So Tuesdays he still wants to happen but I’m to meet at the usual point if this helps, which is still 25 mins away and costly. The boys finish school and get to their father for 4.30, he then has to bring them back for 6.30, they get an 1.5 if that with him on a Tuesday. I’m so at a loss as to why I have to do this. I’m a single mother currently on UC because my business cannot continue in the current climate. Anyway else had this situation? Or can give me any advice. I’m so low and at the end of my tether. I feel he is only doing this to get to me and make my life difficult. We have a final hearing around July. Thanks28 March 2021 at 2:02 pm #52074
Because he has moved a hour away the court order is no longer workable. Ideal solution would probably be for him to pick up from school and drop them back to you at 630pm or drop off to school in morning. Weekends you could get him to pick up from school and either have them back sunday or drop off to school monday. You are no longer required to do any hand overs or drop offs due to him not once but twice re-locating. Clearly not being child focused when making these decisions.
I also see you have a final hearing July so what a silly move to relocate a hour away. As you got legal aid you can get your solictor/barrister to contact your ex anyway advising that you wont be doing handover or drop offs anyway due to moving a hour away. It was only agreed as it was local to yourself.28 March 2021 at 5:15 pm #52075
Thanks for your response. Yes that would be ideal if he could drop off for the school runs and pick up, but he’s refusing to as he works long hours 6-6, apparently not on a Tuesday though.
I raised this issue with my solicitor and she’s said that because I agreed to drop off to the home (only to the local address though, which I did state) then there is not much I can do about it. Even know I did say that this was only agreed to assisting locally. I’m about to submit my position statement and I’ve noted all this down, I’m going to get in touch again with my solicitor tomorrow to inform of the new address which has now come about. I can’t understand why he would move so far away from his boys. They also have football starting up next weekend, and he is due to have them, matches start at 10am sometimes earlier, no idea how he will manage it, but I know that I have to leave this to him, I just feel sorry for my boys if he lets them down and doesn’t take them28 March 2021 at 6:33 pm #52081
I know its not what you want , but even if his partner done drop offs now and then to school it would make you come across as more than reasonable. I would definitely speak to your solicitor as if your ex a hour away you have extremely good grounds to refuse to do drop off and hand overs . It would be down to himself to do all the driving .28 March 2021 at 6:39 pm #52083
Yes I understand what you are saying, neither have asked to do drop offs to school, only pick ups, but I suppose I have to come to the realisation this may have to happen.28 March 2021 at 7:27 pm #52090
If it takes longer than a hour to travel your ex partner is going to be facing a lot of problems at final hearing. Firstly he will have to do all the travelling.
Where your youngest is 5 if its under a hour travel they may be ok with drop off to school in morning. Just to have midweek contact it would need to be pick up from school and he may well have to stay locally . Your solicitor will pick up on all of this when u contact her.28 March 2021 at 8:30 pm #52094
Ok thanks for all the info, are you a solicitor ? If so I wish you were representing me, as my solicitor I haven’t got much faith in.28 March 2021 at 8:35 pm #52095
No , i am not haha. What i will say is with solicitors you kind of got to get your moneys worth . I.e it can be easy to go on a massive rant about everything thats going on and suddenly forget all the important issues. Also you can also forget things you were meant to say and they arent always forthcoming with suggestions around contact etc. They kind of prompt you what you want and they dont get involved with the dreaded cafcass calls u have either.28 March 2021 at 10:44 pm #52100
Ahhh what a shame, you give good sound advice!
well I’ve been asked now by the father to meet at the first address which took me 25 mins to get there, it’s definitely not ideal and I will be highlighting this in court, whether I get anywhere is another thing. I kind of feel that because I’m receiving legal aid, I’m not getting properly represented. It was mentioned to me that basically because he’s paying and has a barrister, and I’m receiving legal aid, then I should really just put up and shut up! This wasn’t said to me in these words, I’m just interpreted it this way.29 March 2021 at 10:44 pm #52151
agree with previous posts. for your next hearing, highlight to court the changes where he has re-located and contact and travel times have become a big issue now.