Supporting my son with not seeing his dad again

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  • #52256 Report

    Maryleigh
    Participant

    My boy is 11 years old and has always had a strained relationship with his dad. We split when he was just under 6 months old and have had reasonably amicable relationship at times but can’t deny there has been many months of turmoil.

    My ex partner was abusive. Mentally abusive for the majority of relationship but physically abusive for last few months.

    I have always encouraged and accommodated a relationship between my son and his dad. We have been to mediation and counselling (which I arranged) the last being in 2017.

    My son never wants to go with his dad. He’s never happy or excited for their time together. He is upset and anxious at the thought of going with him and worse when gets home. He feels self conscious when with his dad and is aware and upset at comments being made that he is not meant to hear. 3 weeks ago on mother’s day it was arranged for my son to be picked up to go for a walk at 11am, with dad and grandparents. Son woke me up at 5am, feeling sick, anxious, begging not to go. Later that morning I reached out to dad to explain how our son is feeling and the response was the worst. Haven’t heard since.

    My boy is doing better a few weeks later. He has no worries and hasn’t mentioned his dad once. I’m worried sick tho and dreading the backlash.

    Will my sons wishes be taken into account and his feelings will he valid?

    #52261 Report

    Ishtar
    Participant

    Hi,

    I don’t know from a legal side but you can’t force your son to like his dad . He is old.enough to know his own mind and all you can do is facilitate the relationship as you were.

    I would recommend writing.lots of notes about everything that has happened so if your ex decides to take you to court for shared custody or anything you can show there was no parental alienation on your side and that this all.comed.from your son.

    Is it worth also speaking to your son’s grandparents about things? How does your son feel about spending time with them? Is it the whole.family on that side that he wants to cut contact with? Is it worth seeing if some other contact could be maintained eg zoom calls?

    Is it worth trying to email your ex ( so you have proof if it goes to court) suggesting a WhatsApp call?

    My kids speak to their dad twice a week on WhatsApp and see him every 4-8 weeks for a weekend. The last.weekend my son ( 10 1/2 ) didn’t want to go so stayed at home with my youngest.

    As they become teenagers parents become.less overtly important and they want to spend more.time.with their friends.

    Good luck . X x

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