Stuck and dont know what to do
24 July 2020 at 11:45 pm #42510
Thanks for reading…
I have a 7 month old daughter and have just found out I am pregnant again.
My partner who I own a house with and live with doesn’t want another child with me, he didn’t want the first one.
He doesn’t talk to me ever and disappears for days at a time and reappears just to sleep on the sofa. I’ve tried to talk to him but he just gives me the silent treatment or walks out. He is an alcoholic and spends most days and nights out drinking.
I’ve offered to buy him out of the house but he won’t leave. I believe it is convenient for him to have a house to come and go as he pleases and although he doesn’t want to be with me or our daughter we are someone who is there so he won’t be alone. He says he doesn’t have any friends so I don’t believe he is at the pub with anyone other than strangers.
I’m stuck and don’t know what else to do, life is lonely and miserable and I cant see a way forward with how to split up and what to do about another baby being on the way.
Has anyone else been in this kind of situation? Unfortunately I’d say my partner is a narcissist and rather than split up and move on with my life he would rather see me suffer. He will not talk about feelings and would never consider counselling.
I cant leave this house I have nowhere else to go.
Any advice welcomed x25 July 2020 at 8:42 am #42512
I’m sorry to here you are going through this,a narcissist partner will never change,him being an alcoholic he needs professional help as he is suffering from depression,it’s a life that you do not want to be stuck in trust me,it only gets worst,you need to get yourself and kids out of that situation,I know it’s scary,but I think you should speak to citizens advice and see what steps are needed to move forward,what you have to remember is would you want your child with a partner like that in the future?25 July 2020 at 6:13 pm #42517
Thank you @jsmoove for your response, I understand exactly what you are saying.
It has been hard because after a few days of not seeing him he just comes in and acts like nothing has happened, me for an easy way out I just carry on and try not to rock the boat. I know what I need to do, just getting there without the emotional mind games he plays is hard for me.
Good suggestion to call citizens advice i will get onto that ASAP, i know what I can do legally but when I’ve tried to do it before he just refuses to look at the paperwork or discuss splitting up. I’m in a very controlled environment with him, its very hot and cold and mentally takes it toll.
Im really feeling the stress today with it, he hasn’t spoken to us since Thursday after a nice day at the beach, he keeps coming back late at night after being out all day and night and its making me feel very down.
Trying to keep strong and positive that I can make the break26 July 2020 at 7:10 am #42526
Hello, sorry to hear about your situation. It must be so difficult.
I haven’t been in your situation but if I was I would probably wait for him to go out, pack all his stuff, leave it on the front, change the locks, get a restraint and involve a solicitor regarding the property. You maybe able to get legal aid to support with that. You can’t live like that especially being pregnant.
Harsh advice but he’s hurting you just being there and the pain your feeling this week will be worse next week etc if this situation continues.
Then I would focus on the excitement of meeting a new person in less than 9months time.
You got this, stay strong.31 July 2020 at 11:01 am #42631
Well, I spoke to bpas just to get all my options and I made the decision not to go ahead with a termination.
I tried to talk to my partner to say I listened to him and weighed up all the pros and cons and how I didnt come to the decision lightly, and he left me.
Family live 100 miles away and there’s no baby groups here just yet, i just hope I’ve made the right decision for me and the babies, I feel selfish but I jusy couldnt go through with the termination. How will I cope?