14 March 2021 at 2:09 pm #51239
Hi all, I’m really struggling with my mental health right now, I have an 11 (nearly 12) year old son who is very abusive towards me (mentally, verbally) we did have social services involved but they were as useful as a chocolate teapot. I’m not really sure what I’m ment to do anymore I’m absolutely exhausted and I keep having intrusive thoughts. I can’t cope but nobody listens.14 March 2021 at 4:54 pm #51242
Sorry to hear of your problems it must be so hard for you. I dont have exactly the same issue but similar. Just a lack of respect from son to father. Long story which i wont bore you with. I have some trouble sleeping and sometimes wake up thinking how badly im being a father to him and sometimes ive got to sit my own self down,have a coffee and tell myself that im doing the best i can and will go on doing so. Id never let him down but sometimes ive felt like just walking away. I wouldnt of course but there have been moments. Your right about Social Services ,they usually just pay lip service to this kind of problem. Your tired as your poor head is constantly thinking. Constantly on alert. Constantly worried about the next abusive attack. Constantly worried that there is only you to deal with these issues. Please try your best not to feel too down and remember your doing so well regardless of how often you have bad days. Keep going. Youve got this far. Sorry i cant be more help. Take care x14 March 2021 at 5:05 pm #51243
Sorry to hear you are having such a hard time.
Have you spoken to your GP, for some support for you and perhaps a referral for your child?
Sounds like you have coped and coped some more…14 March 2021 at 5:23 pm #51244
Thank you for your replies guys, I try my best I really do it just seems nothing I ever do is good enough, it’s more like an abusive relationship than a mother & son relationship. I find myself waking up at least an hour before I wake my son up to drink copious amounts of coffee to prepare myself for what mood he will wake up in. I flinch when he comes near me because I assume he’s going hurt me or scream at me!! His father hasn’t been in his life for about 9 years so I’m literally doing this all on my own. My gp calls me every now and then to check on me as I take a fairly high dose of sertraline daily and he’s aware of how I’m feeling. I do often wonder why I’m still bothering I’m so tired 😢 xx14 March 2021 at 5:24 pm #51245
I have got a referral for my son to the lighthouse centre in Essex for some tests etc just waiting for it to come through xx14 March 2021 at 5:35 pm #51246
Its nice of your GP to call you every now and again ! Wow where did you find a doctor like that? Must be private . Glad you got a referral and hopefully things turn out well. I know what you mean about waking up early to prepare for moods. I do that. Get up earlier,coffee,prepare. Its like being in a bloody war. Hopefully he doesnt hurt you and i hope things get better for you soon. It cant be easy on your own.14 March 2021 at 5:59 pm #51247
Nope he’s an nhs doctor but he likes to call regularly to see if I’m okay as I have suicidal thoughts fairly often 🙁 I’d never act on them but you can’t help the way your brain works unfortunately. Thank you for your kind words x14 March 2021 at 6:15 pm #51250
Well you sound like your doing everything that you can and you should be proud of that. Your right of course,you cant help the way your brain works. My brain works around the fact that as a male im hardwired to watch football,drink beer,have some mates round but ive had to adapt. Have the children now and i need to relearn everything ! Im like this bloke that i wouldnt have recognized 2 years ago ! Inside though, regardless of the problems ive learnt to rather like this bloke. Hes alright. Bit boring maybe but hey,hes ok.14 March 2021 at 6:18 pm #51251
Why’s he not referred you to a helpful therapist?
In this day and age you Can change the way your brain works if you set your mind to it.You don’t have to just accept whatever’s thrown at you and struggle.14 March 2021 at 6:24 pm #51252
Y’know what they say… “If life gives you lemons…throw them back and ask for chocolates”…😉
I just mean there are simple ways to retrain your brain so you think differently,then you act differently,so you make changes in your life and t things have a chance of working out better.14 March 2021 at 7:38 pm #51258
Beside of all messages I want to tell you about kids behavior.
Maybe we don’t understand it but all kids will see their parents first! What I’m saying is you need to be really careful about your behavior coz kids imitate parents behavior and it’s so vital for you to be kind with yourself and control your emotions in front of him. I know it’s so so difficult but I think if we can show them the good behavior, they’ll imitate that.
Hope things get better for you.
Stay safe!14 March 2021 at 8:10 pm #51263
We as the gingerbread family are listening. We will help you.
I just want to know what is the reason why your son is speaking to you in an aggressive manner. I have 2 sons. One son is damaged due to listening to my excessive drinking controlling husband. His school has a counsellor to help him.
My other son was diagnosed recently with autism. I have been advised to go on a parenting course called ‘Incredible years with autism.
<span style=”color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;”>I’m sorry if you feeling low. Sleep is a big part of feeling low and exhausted. Could you ask any friends or family to look after your son for a while. Or if he could do some extra club after school or at the weekend. It seems you need to have some time for yourself – a mental and a physical break. </span>
<span style=”color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;”> Everyone has good and bad times. I do care if you are alright. You are not alone. You are a special person with unique qualities one being a good Mum. We can help you to sort this out. Lets tackle the problems, one by one. Lets take baby steps. </span>
For your son to get him some help to control his aggressive and verbal behaviour. Maybe cognitive behaviour therapy/counselling – talking therapy.
Aggressive behaviour is a taught behaviour which means it can be untaught.
Second focus on your self to get some rest, help from friends/family/clubs/child minder…
Please let us help you, you will get through this. The greatest gift I can give you is that of having ‘hope’. Remember you are great!
Thanks Katherine,15 March 2021 at 5:15 am #51288
After every negative interaction with your son, say, “I love you, thank you for being my son”, don’t be afraid to say I’m sorry I don’t know more…..
My daughter is 12, and has to deal with the back & forth between two households….these words seem to help her at least some, we havta be the concrete in our children’s lives….they need a kind word to rely apon, to base their reactions on….they need to see a consistent reaction to whatever they are dishing out (or dealing with)…
15 March 2021 at 7:52 pm #51318
- Take it, and take it….our children are the sum of both parents, be strong but kind….ask your son what he is feeling, don’t worry about the why…just get him talking, and just listen…when you talk to a doctor, at least you will have more information to impart…..
Glad GP is helping and you have referred your son so he gets professional help as well as all your support.
I hope someone looks into what his triggers are and what is mentally and emotionally behind all the anger. Not familiar with lighthouse centre, do they have a wholistic approach? I hope your son co operates enough for them to help.
My thoughts are with you, do you yourself have any support? Bubbles? Family/friends? I hope you have supportive people around you.