Struggling with split/effect on daughter

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  • #42824 Report

    Mr455
    Participant

    Hi very new to this, myself and my ex of 10 years split a little over 3 months ago as she was cheating. At the minute i am seriously struggling being apart from my daughter (1 year old) to the point my ex suggested we try again which i dont want to but i feel like this is the only way i can be there for my child? I am sleeping very little/eating very little and have no idea how to get out of this hole thats been left being apart from the little one.

     

    Suggestions? Have any other dads/mums experienced this?  Shes my only child so im presuming this is completely natural to want to be in her life as much as i do but im not sure i can cope being apart from her this much and feel selfish not getting back with my ex……

    #42839 Report

    Robsheffield
    Participant

    Hi, hope you are ok.

    i can certainly resonate with your situation in some ways. I separated from my wife for my own reasons and we have a now 3 year old son.

    i have found it incredibly tough as time has gone on. So I would tell you this….you daughter will be fine no matter what, as long as both parents are in her life. My son is happy as Larry, there have been the odd moment where he cries if I leave and that is a pain I hate myself for! But in general he is loving life and coparenting effectively is key to that.

    however, my sense of loss has grown – the future family, being with my son 24/7 ect.
    so I would be questioning whether you could continue? With counsellor help?
    do what makes you happy. Understand your daughter will be fine.

    happy to chat whenever you feel.

    cheers

    rob

    #42872 Report

    I’m sorry to hear of your circumstance.

    Could you suggest going to mediation? They are specialist in trying to organise an amicable arrangement to suit your daughters child care without you both having to go court, they will speak to you both seperatley first to desifer what your thoughts are regarding, it is worth trying to think ahead also ie. With regard to Christmas, birthdays after school arrangements, the more you can put on the table will save you later in the long run as you will have already made the arrangement when it comes to it later on along the line (years ahead) . If you can both agree to an arrangement you can then ask if there is a possibility to get it legally binding by a solicitor to ensure you both adhere to it and potentially saving you having to go to court or to be back to square one again.

    If your work is flexible and you are compitant, there should be no reason you couldn’t have your daughter 50/50 for instance your ex has your daughter half the week and vice versa, first and foremost tho the consideration of your daughter needs to be paramount and whatever the arrangement must suit your daughters needs first and not to suit others and so not to disrupt her routine, so I would suggest also arranging suitable times for her to be picked up, dropped off and bedtime for you both to adhere to, again so your daughter is keeping to a structure with you both.

    I hope you are able to come to an agreement.

    Hope this helps!

    Best wishes

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