Struggling with separation

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  • #20876 Report

    Mummaquaver
    Participant

    Hello I’m new here but looking for some advice from others. I have recently separated from my ex boyfriend boxing day last year I finally managed to pluck up the courage to walk away from him taking my daughter with me who’s 15 months old and we both moved back to my parents, he’s still living in the flat we both owned together as he’s in denial he’s done anything wrong. Going back to the reason we split I found out about him gambling, which he tried to blame me for why he started it again even though he done it 5 years before I met him. I did everything I possibly could took control of finances, went relationship counselling, went counselling myself to try and understand how to help him, I also supported him in trying to get help but now since we’ve split that all got thrown back in my face I’ve done nothing. So now not only have I been forced out of my flat because of his actions and him being completely clueless to how he’s hurt me but now he’s making my life hell and still trying to control me over access of our daughter despite everything that’s happened between us he’s never not seen his daughter and if he hasn’t it’s because he’s put playing football before her and me even when we were together. Since the split on 26th December 2018 I’ve already recieved 3 solicitors letters regarding access but nothing about our property and attending our first mediation this week, everything is always on his terms and where he’s so controlling and manipulating as well as a liar I feel scared for what he’s going to do. All he’s doing is pushing for overnight access when he can’t even keep her for a couple of hours on a Saturday he’s always dropping her back early so he can go off to football but uses appointments as an excuse. Sorry to ramble on and for not making much sense but just looking for people that have been in a similar situation and how they dealt with it

    Thanks

    #20892 Report

    Twinning22
    Participant

    Hi there

     

    Has your ex ever had your daughter over night alone? Do you have concerns if he were to have her overnight? From my experience a court wouldn’t just give overnight access without the access alone in the day etc being built up first. Babies best interests should always come first and as your daughter is still young and vulnerable I cant see a court agreeing to separate from mum for long periods. Sounds like you may need to get legal advice but I found women’s aid a really good starting point and helped get the ball rolling for me.

     

    Hope you get some help

    #20893 Report

    Mummaquaver
    Participant

    Thanks for your reply, no he’s never had her overnight by himself because his football and gambling has always been more of a priority even when we were together and still now, yes I would have concerns as he’s only having 3 hours with her on a Saturday which is always cut short to 2 hours his choice so he can go to football and 4 hours on a Sunday he wants to start overnight next weekend but I’ve tried saying day time access needs to be built up but he’s threatening me with court which I can’t afford at this moment. Thanks I have been in contact with them the problem I feel like is I’ve got to really prove how he is his lack of concentration and lack of interest in her development and the lies he still continues to tell me even though our daughters involved who has no voice as she is so young and seems like how he’s treated me isn’t going to have an affect on how he’s going to treat her I disagree he will never change but is so clever in being careful to say things to my face and not written over texts so it’s my word against his and I feel like I’m being disbelieved and punished for something he done

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