Struggling with my new partner being a part of my daughter’s life

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  • #37009 Report

    Nbl1251
    Participant

    Hi all

    I’m really struggling to make sense of my emotions and feelings at the moment and hoping to find some advice here.

    I have a 5 year old daughter who I have brought up on my own since birth. We are incredibly close and have always done everything together from holidays to day trips, often just the two of us.

    I am now in a new relationship with the most incredible man. I waited for some time before introducing my partner to my daughter as wanted to make sure I was absolutely certain he was the right man for me, and I feel certain he is, and I have fallen in love with him and can see a future together. All sounds perfect until we went on our first little trip away together and I really struggled with it.

    The thing I really struggled with was having another man in my daughter’s life and being like that father role. My daughter really likes my partner and is happy around him with no problems, but I really didn’t like it if he held her hand or tried to carry her etc. I didn’t like him as acting like a dad would to her when he isn’t her dad. Is this normal? I felt really bad feeling this way as he means well but is quite sensitive and I am worried he will be really upset when I tell him.

    Any advice would be appreciated

    #37010 Report

    Sherinam
    Participant

    He showed love and care towards your daughter didnt he? That is completely different to him trying to be her dad and telling her off etc… My friend is loving towards my daughter,  for example spoiling  her at Christmas, turns up with drinks and biscuits which is quite sweet. I said to my sister my daughter is missing a father figure in her life and my sister told me not to be silly. Like you I bought my daughter up on my own. My friend is just someone to share take outs with but he adores my girl like she was his own

    I would struggle if someone was aloof with my child

    #37011 Report

    Nbl1251
    Participant

    He did show love and care towards her yes, and of course I would rather that than him being aloof as you said. However, I did feel he was trying to act too much like he was her dad and it was that which I struggled with. She has a dad who she does still see and I do feel there should be a boundary? This is all new to me so maybe it is just unfamiliar to me but I do know that I struggled with it. He doesn’t have kids and I know he would love to be a dad and I felt like he was trying too hard to take on that role.

    #37012 Report

    Sherinam
    Participant

    If you were to have this conversation with him he would be deeply hurt. Obviously you feel uncomfortable about him trying to act like her father. Perhaps you might be reading into too much?

    . You have gone away like a family and you didn’t like the situation so maybe next time you try not involve this man too much with your daughter until you feel completely at ease. It. Wasn’t like he was trying to discipline her.

    I would never bring anyone into our home unless it was for keeps. My friend is just someone who I get on witb. I kne him long before my daughter was born.

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