Struggling with letting children stay at my ex house

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    my husband of 17 years left me in January following him having an affair with a lot younger woman. We have 3 children together 15,12 and 3. They met in Middle East where he was working and  She has now moved here and their have a flat together. She acts really young and when my girls are around he has to please her more or she gets jealous to a point he got my 12 year old a pair of trainers so he had to buy her 2.
    He hadn’t seen them for 5 months due to work comments then when he was home this time he went away with her family and had a region wedding even tho we still married (not a legal wedding) then went on his honeymoon to Dubai. He texts the older two now and again but ends up getting angry with them as their really don’t like his girlfriend. He doesn’t text or ask about the 3 year old. I have tried to get him to see to begin with he needs to spend time with the kids on his own and build his relationship with the kids but he wouldn’t have it and says the kids need to get used to her end of.
    he tried to say it’s me getting in the kids head but I honestly don’t say anything to them and try and get them to text him so he knows their still care.
    my problem is I do without my children knowing struggling with them spending time with them as I work full time and doing a degree then have to do all the parenting n boundaries their will do nice things with them and my children will like them better and when their come back can be horrible to me. I feel selfish thinking like this but struggle at the fact someone else is having fun with my children. The other thing is my 12 year old is diabetic and I am watch what she eats but her dad gives her anything and it takes me weeks to get her levels down. How do people cope with their children going to dads and girlfriends?
    mu oldest daughter has nothing to do with him as she feels like the girl is not much older then her and her dad is totally different around her and horrible to her in front of his GF. He is also spending loads of money on her 2k wedding ring (yes we are still married), loads of holidays, presents all the time and hair and make up, new car and she isn’t working. Yet my daughter asked him for help towards uniform n he said no and never got her anything for her birthday as he said he not made of money.

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