I seperated from my daughter’s father 12 years ago, when she was 3. At first it was really tough financially (he never made any financial contribution) & emotionally, but as the years have gone on, it’s got easier as I got better paid jobs & my daughter matured into a well-balanced, well-behaved child who was a credit to me. I maintained a friendly relationship with my ex for her sake, then 5 years ago he was diagnosed with cancer & I supported him through all the treatments & hospital admissions & we became close again (although only as friends).
He died at Christmas. I’m really struggling. My daughter is now 15 & shrugs his death off with the attitude that he was a “drinking, smoking waster who never did anything to help himself or anyone else” which is not untrue, but I’m feeling his loss terribly, both for her sake & my own. She’s now showing signs of teenage stroppiness (?reaction to his death?) & I’m not managing it in the calm & adult way I’d like to but am gettibg upset & angry. I can’t talk to friends as it feels a betrayal of her in some way & they all know what an uninvolved fatber he was & can’t understand how anything’s really changed for me. My daughter’s been my sole responsibility for all these years & I’ve been a strong succesful single oarent but it feels different now he’s dead & I’m REALLY on my own with everything. And work is stressful & I’m premenopausal & I just feel so alone & tearful all the time. I’m aware this is just the normal grieving process but it’s getting harder to keep going. I feel like I’ve been strong & adult & responsible for too long & I’m expecting too much empathy from a self-absorbed teenager & I can’t do this anymore. I know I need to move on but am too tired & tearful to manage anything other than maintaining the basics for my daughter & myself (work, laundry, housework, food, etc).