Struggling with grief aftrr death of ex

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    Jonnie
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    Hi,

    I seperated from my daughter’s father 12 years ago, when she was 3.  At first it was really tough financially  (he never made any financial contribution) & emotionally, but as the years have gone on, it’s got easier as I got better paid jobs & my daughter matured into a well-balanced, well-behaved child who was a credit to me. I maintained a friendly relationship with my ex for her sake, then 5 years ago he was diagnosed with cancer & I supported him through all the treatments & hospital admissions & we became close again (although only as friends).

    He died at Christmas.  I’m really struggling. My daughter is now 15 & shrugs his death off with the attitude that he was a “drinking, smoking waster who never did anything to help himself or anyone else” which is not untrue, but I’m feeling his loss terribly, both for her sake & my own. She’s now showing signs of teenage stroppiness (?reaction to his death?) & I’m not managing it in the calm & adult way I’d like to but am gettibg upset & angry. I can’t talk to friends as it feels a betrayal of her in some way & they all know what an uninvolved fatber he was & can’t  understand how anything’s really changed for me.  My daughter’s been my sole responsibility for all these years & I’ve been a strong succesful single oarent but it feels different now he’s dead & I’m REALLY on my own with everything. And work is stressful & I’m premenopausal & I just feel so alone & tearful all the time. I’m aware this is just the normal grieving process but it’s getting harder to keep going. I feel like I’ve been strong & adult & responsible for too long & I’m expecting too much empathy from a self-absorbed teenager & I can’t do this anymore. I know I need to move on but am too tired & tearful to manage anything other than maintaining the basics for my daughter & myself  (work, laundry, housework, food, etc).

    #9479 Report

    Empty
    Participant

    These people can point you in the right direction for your teenager issues, and dealing with grief.

    Support with any parenting problem: Family Lives 9am-9pm weekdays, 10am-3pm weekends FREE helpline 0808 800 2222 http://familylives.org.uk

    All the best.

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