Struggling with a break up.
18 April 2018 at 3:12 am #10239
I see lots of mums on here, but any men who’s wife has ended the relationship got any advice. It’s tough going at the moment and two months in things don’t seem to be getting any better, worse in fact. Tough times indeed.18 April 2018 at 5:31 am #10240
Yep me. My ex left me in the middle of November last year, taking the three children, and I’ve not seen any of them since. I’ve had just over a minute of time on the phone to my eldest, two drawings, and one photo. I’ve missed my eldest’s fifth birthday, and the siblings are not even two yet so I know they won’t even remember me by the time I get granted some access – whatever that is going to be. When she left I didn’t eat or sleep for seven weeks until my body collapsed. I got signed off work for a bit. I drank excessively. I wanted to self harm. I’m still in the house on my own, but it is so quiet and no laughter after being their sole carer for eight months, six days a week and seeing them everyday of their lives. That was the killing thing. I kept waiting for her to walk through the door but it never happened. I’m taking her to court next month. For a long time I couldn’t cry, then I couldn’t stop. By about week eight I started to realise I had to get going again or just rot. I wouldn’t say it’s easy or starting to feel normal, but it’s easier now than five months ago, with some acute bad days always there when I wonder if the children are ok. First thing I had to do was take down all their photos and stop looking at them because when I did I just sat still staring at them until it was dusk again. It feels like they’ve been kidnapped. But I’m trying to get mentally well for them. I’ve stopped drinking (in itself a hard push every day), and I try to keep busy all the time, though sleeping and eating still don’t always happen. People will always say “baby steps” and that’s true. Just get through today, don’t think ahead. Then start again tomorrow. Repeat, repeat, repeat. And no, she probably won’t come back, but you’ll always have a relationship with your child, and that will obviously include your ex, and don’t forget if you’re a mess in the way you look or the state of your mind she’s not going to want to be with you. She is however going to wake up and look after that child everyday and she won’t be able to avoid seeing you in her. She maybe doesn’t realise herself yet but you’ll still be in her life forever even if not together.
All the best, PM me anytime.27 April 2018 at 10:22 pm #10823
Thank you. Your words are very kind and helpful. Whilst at 3am things are tough, reading advice like this offers some kind of solice. I don’t feel any better, I can’t see any future and I don’t know how I can go on without my family. People do though and everyday is a new day if I can just get through the nights.28 April 2018 at 3:30 am #10825
3am does appear to be a difficult time! It’s been 4 months for me. My wife’s decision. I’m still pretty lost. I’ve been mourning the loss of family life. Currently I’m mourning the loss of my partner in life. Still don’t really know what happened. Still telling myself there is a chance of reconciliation. Constant base level of grief and sadness. Yet in 3 hours I will be entertaining my 3 and 5 year old boys on a fun Saturday! My acting skills are improving at least! This isn’t a complaint – I am conscious that I am very lucky I get to share the kids equally. In general though – very tough times, but as my counsellor keeps telling me – it’s a process. The problem for me is I can’t help but feel when there are kids involved, the process is never going to end.29 April 2018 at 12:28 am #10845
Hi ady, I have a 8 month son and his mum split with me 4 months ago. I blame myself for everything as it was all my wrongful choices i made. The nights tend to be worst for me too. I find it hard to speak to others about my emotions and i feel like ill be lonely now until the day i die. Im always going to be madly in love with my ex as she was perfect for me and i blew it. I turnt to drink, attempted suicide.. twice! I want my family back more than anything in the world. The past week we have got along so well, we’ve spent most days together with our son and Im trying to prove to her Im not that person i was before. 4 months doesnt seem long but its long enough for me to realize what i had lost. Theres only one person that can try to make things right again… me. Im new to this forum and this is the first post that ive read. Thankyou “empty” you made so much sense in your post it helped alot.29 April 2018 at 10:16 am #10847
It’s tough but you will get through it – try and hold on to the thoughts that these intolerable feelings are not going to last forever – I often think about a previous difficult time and take comfort that the distress and feelings of crises gradually changed.. some days were better than others!