struggling to move on

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  • #8905 Report

    TheonlyWendy
    Participant

    Hi

    ive been part of the forum for a while but not posted anything, it’s so comforting to know I’m not alone in this situation though. I just need to rant my thoughts out. So my ex (fiancée) broke up with me 5 months ago out of the blue after 7 yrs together, we have a 2yr old and it completely destroyed me, I’ve been navigating motherhood single along with work and dealing with him since and I’ve come a long way but it’s been hard to come to terms with. We own a house together but he moved out. I have just found out that he’s seeing someone new who also has a kid, when I saw him in the same cinema randomly after he said he couldn’t see his child because he was working. this was a big shock but not really surprising, I guess I’m feeling still in shock about it but I’m more upset that he’s lied to me about spending time with his kid to spend time with someone else’s. He’s moved on pretty quickly, why am I unable to do that too? I’m lucky I have a house, I have work, great family and friends to support me yet I feel so stupid and lonely. I’ve come to terms with us not being together but I’ve struggled to get over it, and have had to stay strong for my little one but I don’t seem to be able to see a light when I’ll be happy again and someone will want me. I guess it’s just massive rejection I’m dealing with but I don’t know how to do that. Any advice appreciated.

    #8906 Report

    Empty
    Participant

    He left because he had already mentally moved on. You didn’t know it was happening so obviously have found it harder thinking ahead for something you didn’t expect to happen. Of course you’ll meet someone else eventually, but don’t rush into it, let it happen naturally and don’t worry about it. It’s not like he’s won something and you have to catch up. I think if you speak to Gingerbread in the morning and see if they can recommend some groups or whatnot, and you get involved in fora like this one, then those quieter, lonely moments can be shared with others and go a little quicker.

    We’re all with you and here for each other. All the best.

    #9056 Report

    Rch91
    Participant

    Your post is like my life right now..

    my partner of 6 years (two children 3 and 7 months old) decided he no longer wants to be with me. He has however said he will continue to pay the mortgage for the time being as it’s a joint mortgage but I feel so insecure… feel like crap!!!

    #9082 Report

    TheonlyWendy
    Participant

    Rch91 I’m sorry to hear that, it’s literally the worst feeling being treated this way by someone you love and thought they loved you. I’ve spent the last few months getting back on my feet and this set back I’m hoping is just a minor blip but it’s taken me back to those feelings of complete rejection, loss of any control, no choice, and a feeling of dread when I wake up. I wish more than anything He didn’t make me feel this way as I’m sure u do too, but it’s all a process that has to run it’s course. Writing a plan of action in terms of spending time with his child consistently is my next step, I know I have to be pragmatic about this.

    Thank you for commenting though, keep going and I’m here if u need to talk.xx

    #9092 Report

    Rch91
    Participant

    Bless you – apparently because we aren’t married he doesn’t have the pay the mortgage either as he’s not living here ( he’s in the army ) so I just feel so unsure of my future. He has said he will pay but it’s like how long for? Can I trust him?

    he also has said he will see the children two times a month! It honestly doesn’t settle right with me at all.. he’s said there’s no one else but…

    sending you as many good vibes as possible as everyone keeps saying it will all be ok in the end ❤️

    #9096 Report

    TheonlyWendy
    Participant

    I’d like to know when it gets better because I’m waiting and trying but feel like I’m making slow little progress! I’m shocked he’s moved on so quickly and in a relationship already where he wants to introduce her to bub, but I just have to get on with it. He told me there was no one else also and I believed and defended him and made excuses for his behaviour, I don’t think I wanted to accept he was seeing someone already but it all makes sense looking back.

    Twice a month isn’t much at all for your kids, and it’s surprising he’s thinks that’s enough effort!!!

    up until now I’ve gone along with my ex schedule and been friendly as I hate the drama but he’s lied to me, let me down and messed around with his child’s time so I’m having to play hard now and dictate the times he sees him to make sure he does. It’s hard when it’s so new and fresh but you need to be in control of the situation, not to be difficult but for your own sanity as much as anything.

    is the mortgage in joint names?  Do u work? I’ve had to deal with this but it’s a joint mortgage and luckily I can afford the bills so I’m surviving on my own. Don’t forget to look in to tax credits and get the council tax discount, the water board also offers cheaper tariffs for situations like these so get all the help you can money wise.

    Its a rollercoaster but we can do this!!😘

    #9097 Report

    Rch91
    Participant

    If he was seeing her before I bet they won’t last as she will think he will do it to her ! It makes you wonder how you even love/loved that person so much and they can do it to you and kiddies 😔

    twice a month isn’t a lot at all but as he’s in the army and has no family that’s all he will be able to come back and see them for apparently. Our relationship is long distance so I’m kind of used to being alone it’s more the finical worry.

    I work park time I think I’d be able to cover some of the payment but I just don’t want him having that hold over me or the house either.

    House prices to rent are insane though!!! And I keep thinking when he meets someone else he won’t help out as much £

    you sound like your doing such a good job so far keep you chin up xxx

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