Struggling To Be Nice To Ex

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This topic contains 11 replies, has 7 voices, and was last updated by  Kathymumofone 6 months ago.

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  • #23841 Report

    tired92
    Participant

    Hi

    I’m looking for some advice, or if I’m being petty even just to be told that I am.

    I’m a single parent, and my daughter is 2. She has supervised contact with her dad, and I’m the one that supervises.

    Lately it’s taking all of my energy to be nice to him in front of my daughter, so much so that the evening before contact I’m in a foul mood, and the evening after contact I’m exhausted.

    I feel like he only turns up to see his daughter so that he can tell people he does. He doesn’t interact with her very much during the contact, to the point that I have to prompt my daughter to tell her dad things to get him to give her some attention. Instead he tries to talk to me about his day or ask about mine.

    This is maybe going to sound really big headed, but I also feel like he has more interest in talking to me than to/about his daughter. For example, we just had a 4 text exchange about what our daughter did today, but it took an 8 text exchange for him to tell me his bus will be 5 minutes later tomorrow (in my opinion this takes 1 text).

    So, yeah. I’m not sure if I’m looking for advice or to be told I need to get over myself and deal with it, but either way I’m struggling

    #23842 Report

    Cblwpw
    Participant

    Is there a reason you only allow him to have supervised contact by you? Is it possible for someone else to supervise, such as his parents etc?

     

     

    #23845 Report

    tired92
    Participant

    Yeah. His family don’t take the need for contact to be supervised seriously, and have basically said they wouldn’t actually supervise, so I can’t trust them. None of my family will supervise because they don’t like him

    #23853 Report

    Sunday girl
    Participant

    Hi I don’t think you sound big headed or need to get over yourself at all. How long have you been separated? I’m guessing it was your choice?

    #23854 Report

    Kathymumofone
    Participant

    My ex did this for a while. I think he found childcare boring and couldn’t believe he was expected to be with his son. He used to follow me round and ignore our little one.

    i took to mowing the lawn with ear defenders on, or hoovering, until he gave up. 😁

    #23857 Report

    tired92
    Participant

    We broke up before I found out I was pregnant, and she’s 2.5 now, so it’s not at all a recent thing

    #23858 Report

    tired92
    Participant

    Kathymumofone so do you think if I basically ignore him he might pack it in and give his daughter some attention?

    #23862 Report

    Spritz
    Participant

    Hi there😊

    That’s a really difficult situation and im sorry that its like that at the mo. I am in a similar situation.

    Not sure how far you want to go with being super nice and pleasant- doesn’t it take a lot of energy?!

    Ive always looked at it as though if you are as nice as pie, he wont have a leg to stand on if things go pear shaped. And it would be up to your ex to explain his actions, seeing as you have been pleasant to keep the peace. Other than that, love the ear defenders for mowing the lawn @kathymumofone.

    Take yourself away from the situation, book a holiday. I recently had  pregnancy massage.

    Best.Thing.Ever.

    #23864 Report

    SOLOMUMMY
    Participant

    WHY don’t you think that supervising his contact is necessary?

    #23888 Report

    DesperateDad
    Participant

    Curious, why does it need to be supervised?  If you don’t mind me asking

    #23895 Report

    tired92
    Participant

    Won’t get into why, but it’s the authorities that have said supervised contact or no contact

    #23957 Report

    Kathymumofone
    Participant

    It has to be worth a try.

    Create an environment where the only thing to do is play with his child.

    I’d put something out for them to do together, show him what to do if necessary. Crayons & paper, duplo, a baby train set.  And then go and do something noisy.  Up a step ladder if necessary. 😊

    After that, hand him a baby yoghurt & spoon, and then go & clean the loo.

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