Struggling single mom
16 May 2021 at 7:47 pm #54206
It’s been just over 3 months since I split up with my partner of 29 years and I’m really struggling,I can’t stop thinking of him with his new woman(who he left me for)I just can’t get my head around how he can just walk away and start a whole new life.I go through stages of feeling ok then all of a sudden it hits me and I can’t stop crying.All I can think about is the things we always used to do together and as a family.I try to put on a brave face as much as possible but sometimes I just can’t hide it.My children are my world and they are coping amazingly.Although I feel so sad that they have had to grow up over night and sort of been robbed of their childhood all because of what their dad did
i just can’t see away of been happy again,I know I’m the lucky one because I have got the love,affection and respect of my children where as they have no respect for their dad because of all the lies he told them.
sorry for ranting I’m just finding things so so hard17 May 2021 at 12:12 am #54208
Sorry to hear you’re struggling. It’s hard and to switch off those thoughts in your head. 29 years is a long time.
It will get easier, I promise.
Happy to connect if you want to talk x17 May 2021 at 12:41 pm #54229
I’m really sorry youre going through this Nicki44. I’ve been through something similar, my husband of 17 years left me for a woman at work (who he started seeing whilst I was pregnant with our youngest). It’s heartbreaking, soul destroying, ruins your confidence and self esteem when you start to question yourself and compare yourself to your replacement. Allow yourself to feel whatever emotion you’re feeling, it’s like a grieving process. Don’t blame yourself, remember you are a beautiful person who is very much loved. Surround yourself with good and supportive people. Take it day by day, and I know it’s a cliché but things do improve. It’s 10 years down the line for me since we divorced, I’ve gone back to university, got new hobbies, a great circle of friends and my children are really happy, well adjusted and secure. I’ve not gone on to find a new partner, because I found I was happier on my own. It won’t happen over night, but I promise you will find your smile again. Until then, just be gentle with yourself. And you can rant here anytime ❤️17 May 2021 at 4:47 pm #54242
It’s completely understandable to be struggling after only 3 months and having been together for so many years. It will take time and ups and then downs are all part of the process. I know many people who have come out the other side and feel happiness again (me included) and also there is alot of strength to be gained down the road in knowing you managed this and did it alone. This is all a little further along as now is extremely raw for you.
The idea of the other woman is incredibly painful. It is such a blow to ones self esteem, especially if outwardly they are younger, more attractive, more this and that and generally different from us. The ups will increase and the downs will decrease. I hope you have things to keep you occupied outside of the children seeing friends, anything at all that you enjoy or makes you feel good. It will get easier.
As for the children, my little one will sometimes say oh I wish you were together, I listen and say, tell me more and then he moves on within a minute and is happy playing. I often read posts on forums such as Mumsnet and the number of women who are in truly depressing marriages with layabout husbands (I know women can be equally bad partners btw) or those who just have the inkling something is wrong yet are trapped or being gas lighted by their partners. Children can have hard times in families where couples are together as much as where they are apart, so try not think too much about the damage to them. They will get through this, children really are resilient. The dream of a family has been disrupted for you but they will be fine as long as you are. That is why making sure you do everything you can to meet your own needs is essential; then they will be absolutely fine. Time off work, time alone, time pampering yourself (hopefully you can afford this and are getting full financial support from the ex). x
x17 May 2021 at 9:59 pm #54251
I am so sorry Nicki that you are having a rough time. It is so difficult especially after being together for so long. Hope things get easier for you.17 May 2021 at 10:06 pm #54252
Hi, I am going through a tough time. I seperated from my husband 3 years ago due to his mental health issues and his excessive alcohol consumption. We stilled lived together until 3 months ago when he was removed from family home by social services as my son had raised his concerns about his dad at school. I am a flight attendant and I am currently on furlough until June. My husband used to send my son to school on the days that I worked as I have to leave my house in the middle of the night. Now I have been told by social services that my son is not allowed to stay with his dad without my supervision. I just don’t know what to do. I can’t afford to lose my job. Has anyone else been in similar situation?