Home Online forum Gingerbread Forum Struggling dealing with seperation

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This topic contains 9 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  GreenEyes 3 weeks, 3 days ago.

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  • #21315 Report

    Heartbreak
    Participant

    hi all

    I am new to this site and found it while really struggling to cope with what I am going through. My husband and I seperated on 23rd December 2018 after me being suspicious about time he was spending with a girl in work. He told me I was sick she was the same age as his daughter. We spoke daily throughout January then 11 days ago he phoned me to say he will always love me but too much has happened with the arguing at Christmas later that night he texted me to tell me he is with the girl from work (20 years his junior) and she is pregant. I haven’t heard from him since he has told people our marriage was loveless despite the daily messages he sent me saying how much he loved me and I was his happy. I just feel really shell shocked and broken and spend my days crying. I wonder how I will ever be able to believe anything anyone says to be again he treated me like he was madly in love with me when we were together

    #21317 Report

    SilverFennec
    Participant

    Give yourself time and space. Get all the support you need and can get. Do not rush into anything!

    #21318 Report

    Heartbreak
    Participant

    I definitely won’t be rushing into anything I can’t imagine ever putting my heart on the line again

    #21319 Report

    SilverFennec
    Participant

    Oh, putting your ‘heart on the line again’ is not what I meant. My recollection of my breakup, at Christmas 2017, is that it was all a bit like being in a car crash in slow motion. The best I could do was to adapt my pace to that and work through the pain as it came. Even when I wanted all the suffering, and the objective situation, to be over quickly. I suppose one could call it ‘mindfulness’. Having things running in parallel really helped. Being forced to concentrate on each of them was a blessing. In fact, all other things outside the break up were heavily impacted by that, but, little by little, I managed claiming them back to myself and my child. One by one. Then… I ended up thinking about my ex less and less. Now, other people have to bring the name up.

    #21321 Report

    Heartbreak
    Participant

    Thank you I know what you mean about the slow motion the days are dragging all I wish I could do is sleep but I can’t even do that

    #21323 Report

    SilverFennec
    Participant

    You must sleep. You cannot think clearly and function otherwise. See your GP. Get a health MOT and speak about your sleeping problem. You need to understand if it is real or percieved… or a bit of both. If you think you might need a pill to help you sleep (and there are many other things you can do in the way of sleep hygiene to help alongside pharma or in place of it) for a short period, do get it and keep to the prescribing guidelines. A hug!

    #21324 Report

    Heartbreak
    Participant

    Thank you I have a GP appointment and thanks again for your kind advice

    #21328 Report

    Jk
    Participant

    My dear, make yourself busy, go out with your friends and have fun. Dont pay attention or think too much on what happened.

    #21367 Report

    Ange03
    Participant

    It will feel like ur heart has been ripped out in a million pieces but please just think to urself ur worth more for him to do that to you is cruel but believe me my partner has left me on 2 occasions while I was pregnant on both my children and found out he was cheating on me my first pregnancy sadly ended with my son being still born at 32 weeks in 2018 I fell pregnant again and my second baby was born at 32 weeks but is ok..but he left me and went back to his ex…it’s coming up yo our son’s 2nd birthday and I am sure he playing away again he never here always out coming in late…..it’s so hard but we are worth so much more…big hugs x

     

    #21433 Report

    GreenEyes
    Participant

    Hi, I am in a very simular situation, I begin councilling next week as I know I cannot deal with this heartbreak and betrayal on my own. My partner of 8 years suddenly walked out on me in Sept, he was seeing a girl from work. In Dec because we have a son together we ended up getting back together, I forgave him even after loosing 2 stone through stress. In January I found out I was pregnant and was over the moon we have been trying for a few years. Unfortunately I only enjoyed my pregnancy for 2 weeks as then the other women posted her 20 week scan on social media, after stealing his phone I found he has known the entire time. The baby was also conceived while he was still sleeping in my bed. To say I feel sick with pain every minuate is an understatement. I really really feel your pain. I’ve joined here because I know if I don’t meet some decent humans I will give up on everyone soon.

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