Struggling!

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  • #8688 Report

    littlemonkey
    Participant

    Hello

    I am a newly single parent, and I am finding the whole thing so overwhelming. I have a 3 year old child and my partner has recently moved out. He is being difficult about the house we own together, as well as dictating to me when he sees our child etc. He is making it all so difficult, when I feel as though I have been fair and accommodating to all of his needs/requests. The common theme from him seems to be that he doesn’t want to me to ‘win’ (and as far as I am concerned, it isn’t a battle/competition!) I have been experiencing feelings of anxiety, as well as having some really low moments. My child has also become really clingy with me and won’t settle at night because she doesn’t want me out of her sight – presumably because she thinks I will leave, like her Dad has. I also wonder where on earth I will meet someone else!! I am housebound on evening’s because of looking after my child, so my free evenings are every other weekend. I feel ready to meet someone new (my partner and I just weren’t compatible, which is why we split up) and I have joined an internet dating site, but nobody I contact seems interested, and those I get messages from are not what I am looking for! Sorry, I just needed to put my feelings down, in the hope that someone may be able to help, or share their own experiences 🙂

    #8691 Report

    Moty2018
    Participant

    Hi, This sounds very similar to my situation! I have been married for 6 years and together with my husband for nearly 9 years. Out if the blue he tells me he doesn’t love me anymore (3 weeks before our 2nd child was born) great timing! And he eventually left on Christmas Eve in our first family home that we had just brought! My 3 year old is pretty much showing the same signs as yours! Very scared to let me out of his sight. It’s so difficult and I sometimes cannot see a life for myself and my 2 young children just yet. I’ve soon discovered that there is someone else! I think the best thing you can do is avoid the dating scene and focus on yourself and your little one. Your little one needs you more than ever right now. If you get involved with anyone else it will only create more stress and heartache. I believe time is a healer and you will meet someone else one day. Just focus on you, take up new hobbies or do things you haven’t been able to do in a long while. We will all be happy one day even if it doesn’t seem it right now. We will be stronger and better and we can prove to the ones that didn’t want us that we don’t need them because they love it when we feed off their egos. Remember the grass is never greener the other side.  

    #8700 Report

    Empty
    Participant

    Hi,

    Well I’m not offering to date you because there’s no way I’m ever having a relationship again after the mess I’ve been left in!

    That aside, if you need some help on a legal basis then I might be able to. I recommended to someone yesterday about making a Parenting Plan which is a set of bullet points you can both agree on and sign and if he deviates then you might need to go to mediation to try and resolve what the problem is. In what way is he being difficult about the house? The Children Act 1989 is there to protect children, not parents. It is frowned upon that the child is constantly used as a kind of bargaining chip. She should know when and what her access is so she can be prepared by you. I am not sure whatever difficulties he is giving you.

    In the meantime, if you PM me I can send you a copy of a standard Parenting Plan to help make it easier for you and I can fill you in on any specifics if I know what might help you. I don’t know everything of course, and you should accept advice from others.

    #8713 Report

    littlemonkey
    Participant

    Ah, Moty2018, I’m so sorry that you’re also having a tough time. And for you to experience a relationship breakdown on Christmas Eve, whilst pregnant, then find out someone else was involved. Well done on picking yourself up daily though, it’s not easy is it. You’re obviously a strong character, your children are really lucky to have such a fantastic role model in their lives 😊 Your advice re dating is probably wise, I hadn’t thought far enough forward to consider how it might effect my daughter. She needs me more than anything right now, so I am going to take your wise words and run with them. I probably should focus on loving myself a little bit before I try and love someone else. Relationship breakdowns really do knock your confidence, as well as your world. Thank you again xx

    #8714 Report

    Butterfly13
    Participant

    I’ve been in very similar situation to yourself 3 years ago where my husband of 5 years left me and our 18 month old and I thought exactly the same as you in regards to meeting someone new but is not only right for me but my son too.

    Since then I had met someone and things were going great until we decided to take the next step and move in together. It just went down hill from there and we decided to call it a day only a few weeks ago (after 5 months of living together) since then I have realised I was in the relationship for all the wrong reasons being I simply didn’t want to be on my own and how on earth would I find anyone else even though I knew deep down it wasn’t right I would have kept trying for these reasons which is wrong. What I’m trying to say is please don’t rush into a relationship until you are doing it for the right reasons.

    Enjoy being on your own and the free time you have to just let your hair down and do adult things…  as much as I miss my son when he is at his dads every other weekend I do things I wouldn’t be able to do with him.  I kind of see it that I have  best of both worlds x

    #8721 Report

    Moty2018
    Participant

    it is hard especially when you have given your all to the one person who you thought was your lover best friend and soulmate and the one you were going to spend the rest of your life with only to find he is a complete stranger and the most self centred selfish awful person I have ever met. Apparently he had been living a double life sleeping around for the last 2 years because he was unhappy and then there being “someone else” it hurts that I can be replaced so easily but then again once a cheater always a cheater. That relationship won’t last as the novelty will soon wear off because people know now. Just concentrate on loving yourself and treating yourself like a queen when your baby is with their daddy. Recharge your batteries for when your baby comes home so that you can enjoy all those precious moments with them. I do believe in karma what goes round comes round. It might seem like we don’t have anything going for us in life but we do, our time will come when we least expect it. My babies are my strength, they are the ones getting me through this. Remember be strong, don’t let your ex put you down, or blame you for their actions and always stand up for yourself. xx

    #8722 Report

    TessStephanie
    Participant

    Hi there, I saw your message regarding a parenting plan? Would you mind sending it to me? I am just 3 months pregnant and may have to go it alone. The Father is willing to support me financially and be friends and I am lucky in that sense, however anything can happen and my the most important thing is to make a stable and loving environment for the baby when it’s born. Plans are always welcome 🙂

    I also have no clue what I am doing as it’s my first pregnancy but I guess instincts kick in for fathers and mothers

    #8725 Report

    Empty
    Participant

    Hi Tess, PM me your email address and I’ll send it thru. Any other questions you have I’ll help where I can.

    #8726 Report

    TessStephanie
    Participant

    Thank you!

     

    #8799 Report

    littlemonkey
    Participant

    Thank you Butterfly13, I think you words are very wise. I guess I too am trying to fill a hole. Even though I *think* I am ready, inside I am probably still healing. Plus I still have everything to sort out with my ex (House etc) so perhaps I’m not much of a catch at the moment anyway!!

    I’m sorry that your situation didn’t work out, it sounds like you were doing what you felt was the right thing at the time. I wish you lots of luck for the future though, and thanks for the advice xx

    #8801 Report

    littlemonkey
    Participant

    Moty2018, I know this sounds flippant and cliched, but you honestly sound much better off without him. I’m sure your children will be happier with two parents who are happier apart. I know you didn’t choose this situation, and thought that he was your life partner, but much better that you discovered his true colours sooner rather than later. At least now you can heal, then meet someone who deserves the love that you clearly have to give. I firmly believe that we all have a path; and at times we might feel like we’ve been sidetracked, but eventually we will look back and realise that everything that happened happened for that very reason. Keep believing and stay strong. You’re doing brilliantly xx

    #8804 Report

    Moty2018
    Participant

    Shabbybean, Thank You. Very true. We just have to hold our head up high, try and be as positive as we can and look forward to better things in life along with our children, to give them the best start in life that we possibly can and to let them teach us about life x

    #8811 Report

    Wanderer.
    Participant

    Greetings all.

     

    I have to say time makes it easier and there is no rush to be with anyone so soon after a breakup. Work on the relationship with your child and this new home life. The children may be young but they have emotions and will definitely feel the sorrow of a parent moving out.

    I say this out of experience. First few years pregnant and delivery alone (not planned to get divorced) raising a baby while getting over the trauma was hard. 4 years on am happy and single. I don’t have any days off at all as my family live overseas but my bond with my child is amazing, feel blessed.

    Always here if anyone needs to talk.

    Shabbybean stay close to your daughter and shower her with hugs, kisses and love all the time. You will also be showered with hugs and love. They are lil humans but they are amazing friends.

     

    #8818 Report

    littlemonkey
    Participant

    Hi Umm, thank you also for making me see that single isn’t the end of the world!! I guess the needy’ side of me hates that my ex potentially has someone and I’m alone (excluding my daughter of course!) I just feel/felt that I should fill that void. But you are all making me see that being alone isn’t the end of the world. For example you daughter is with her Dad this weekend, so I have lots of social plans lined up, that I wouldn’t be able to do without the freedom that being a single parent sometimes allows. I’m sorry that you don’t have anyone close, but I bet your child loves having you all to themselves, and vice versa. You too enjoy every moment and appreciate that these little people came along for a reason ❤️

Viewing 14 posts - 1 through 14 (of 14 total)

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