Struggling

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  • #60679 Report

    Lostmummy
    Participant

    Hello. My partner left a week ago and it has been an absolute rollercoaster of emotions . I am really struggling to accept the situation, I thought he would come back after a break but he has said he is not coming back.

    I am so worried about how much our child is hurting and I need to be strong for them. But because I am such a mess I don’t feel very strong and unable to cope with all the emotions.

    I haven’t got many friends so feeling very isolated at the moment. I really need someone to talk to , to let my feelings out so I can be strong for my child.
    Just trying to get through each day at the moment but it is so hard.

    #60691 Report

    sirtobi
    Participant

    Hello,

    Do you have any family members you can talk to? Church is a good option too. See if there is a single parent group near you. Wellbeing service offers 10 hours free counselling.

    It is hard, where you are at the moment. But it will pass. Take it day by day, step by step. A lot of people are going through the same at this very moment. So you are not alone in this. Just reach out and you will be surprised.

    #60694 Report

    JAG
    Participant

    Hi Lostmummy I am going through exactly the same situation at the moment, my husband left 2 weeks ago.  I thought it was bad when he was still in the house, but now he’s gone I feel so alone and isolated.  I have good friends but no family around me.  Friends are doing some stuff to help but they have their own families to worry about so often, when I need support, they are not available.

    We have 3 children, they are teenagers so very difficult to communicate with, they are upset but trying not to upset me any more than I already am. It was mortifying to tell the school / college what was happening but they have offered their support to them whilst they are there.

    I thought that when he moved out it would relieve the hurt of being in a house with someone who doesn’t care about you any more, but in reality it has been so much harder as the pressure of everything being down to me is so heavy.  Today I have been trying to find a support group near me but with Covid it is mostly online.  I am so desperate to meet with people that are in the same area as me – face to face is what I am missing

    Everyone says you are doing so well – and from their perspective I am still working, the kids are fed and safe, the house is up together – but inside my heart is broken.  People say it will get better but it will take time – I need to feel better now.

    I wanted you to know that you are not alone in how you are feeling, that you are probably doing really well from outsiders perspective but I understand that inside you will not be seeing this as clearly.  The day by day advice is truth it just isn’t easy, one friend said hour by hour if thats what it takes to get through the day.

    I’m just impatient as feeling like this is so debilitating and awful I want it over and to feel ok again

    #60695 Report

    Lostmummy
    Participant

    Thank you so much to you all who have replied. I wasn’t expecting any replies.
    Having a really bad day today .

    #60737 Report

    Northern_dad
    Participant

    Hi,

    I’m really sorry to hear what you’re both going through, it’s such a terribly tough situation and I doubt more words will make you feel much better at the moment. From the length of your messages, you’ve obviously got a whole load of questions and thoughts whirling in your head right now.

    I’ve been through a similar experience this year (my wife left me and the kids after nearly 30 years and seven children together) and I recognise the feelings of ‘how could you’ and all the uncertainty. That feeling of just wanting to be over it and being able to move on does take a long time – I’ve been going through six months of waiting to get there and, truthfully, I’m still not there completely.

    I’d love to be able to say that you’ll get those answers eventually but the truth is, you may have to accept never knowing all the why’s and wherefores. It’s hard to accept that someone we’ve loved and thought we knew has the capacity to behave in such ways and be emotionally closed off. It hurts so badly when they don’t seem to recognise or care about the damage they’re doing to the ones who love them. For me, accepting that the person I loved had become someone I didn’t know was so hard but it’s a fact nonetheless.

    You mentioned being strong for your kids and that’s really important but don’t forget that they love you and you are in this together. I think it’s ok to be vulnerable in front of them and they can be a source of enormous comfort in the worst of times. Without mine, I’d have been a real mess at times and, while I generally try to tough the days out, on the odd occasion I feel overwhelmed, a simple hug from any of them can work wonders…..those hugs might not come as freely if you keep it all inside.

    I’m sure you’ll find the strength to get through this, it’s amazing how strong we can be when necessary.

    #60744 Report

    Ath.831
    Participant

    Hi lovely, sorry to hear that you feel your struggling. Sending my love! You are stronger than you think. Feel everything its the best healing if you can write down everything, this is apart of your journey and life so allow your children to see your vulnerable side nothing wrong with that it will allow you to connect to your kids more. Hounour your space and emotions and explain to your kids in a child appropriate manner they will understand your feelings are hurt. Good luck!

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