Stressed to the max
4 February 2018 at 7:50 am #7364
It’s half term the week after next due to my ex not replying to my email last year we have both now got the week off so half the week each which he doesn’t consider to be fair Even though I booked it off last year he booked last month! Last month he asked for some days to take them on a weekend away he wanted Fri Sat sun end of the week, we do an every other weekend arrangement at the moment with access in the week too so that wouldn’t of been his weekend with our boys so I said have sat sun mon and bring back Tues he agreed and said no more about it so last week I messaged and asked if he was still taking boys away as they had said he hadn’t mentioned it and he said no as (apparently) I had told our youngest that he didn t want to go as his gf was going which wasn’t true the truth was our youngest said he wasn’t ready to go away with her wanted to just go with his dad but as time went on I think they both know now that if she doesn’t go they don’t do it which I think is tough for them as he is supposed to understand although he has been with her longer they have only known her for 3 months and are still adapting to it all. So I said as u are living with your mum 5 mins away and are providing a sofa bed they share age 12 &8 why doesn’t he have his normal sat overnight they sleep and they come back to there beds to sleep sun & mon & he’s refusing but he’s not the one getting them back in foul moods after 1 night of not sleeping properly as they disturb each other let alone 3 can I do anything about this can I collect them in the evening or have they just got to do it I’m not stopping him from having the days with him I’ve not got a problem at all just don’t understand why there not entitled to there own beds as he’s not going away now and his mum’s house is just down the road. I also know that his parents will be partly behind this too as they text our eldest inappropriately when there not there and obsessively in a way that u would think they think there the parents not the grand parents I’m so fed up with it all.4 February 2018 at 9:49 am #7367
He doesn’t listen to anything I say he’s refusing to bring them back on those evenings I’ve already said that he can bring them back at 8pm and collect whenever he wants but he doesn’t care what I say we have mediation tomorrow so hopefully will be a chance to discuss all the problems.
Over Xmas there nan even had my youngest of 8 in her bed and 12 year old slept in same bed as dad as they refused to move Xmas presents off the bed there dad sleeps in so I moaned and said they shouldn’t be sleeping with you too there 2 old for that.
He went away on a holiday with his gf and I since last Feb have had 1 full week with the boys when I took them away last July there nan asked to take them out and to have them on 1 of the nights after school and i said i permantely share every week with your son and as he lives with you atm u see them 3/4 times a week so for this 1 week i would like to have some time with them at home she sulked and said well we want to take them we are going to really miss them they always come here and we work together to so she ignored me at work then told the boys in not allowing them to see them then on the night they text my eldest and said just checking that u are alright and that we are missing u so much and can’t wait to see u on Saturday my eldest was in a lesson and came out of school and said why wouldn’t we be alright we are with our mum and we only saw them 3 days ago so don’t know why they sent this.
Then at Xmas there dad had to work boxing day later so she text and said can they pick the boys up for his contact and I said that the boys wanted to stay with me as we were with my family the boys other family and were playing games with there cousins and she said well thanks for letting us see our grandkids when they had seen them nearly all of Xmas eve as they took them out for the morning then there dad had them there in the evening then they had 1/2 day with them on Xmas day too then when there dad did finish boxing day they went round there so they did see them and again they said we could of seen u earlier but your mum wouldn’t let you to the boys.
Then I’ve had to put my youngest at a breakfast club on a Tues they used to take them for me but she took clothes from my house and went through my things and I’ve heard her at work when they have asked her to swop shifts say no I can’t got my boys round even when there dad there there obsessed.
And there grandad had an argument with his sister over there behaviour over the boys and she said u need to remember your grandparents not parents and he said it’s not like just grandparent anymore because there with us alot more now and she said that doesn’t matter he said it does.
There always sending have u done your homework then we can all go out u can do that at your house and are u ok your here tomorrow can’t wait It’s to much and there all too controlling and it’s making the boys feel guilty when there here with me.4 February 2018 at 2:09 pm #7370
Sounds like an absolute nightmare H, at your mediation session tomorrow I would suggest that you aim to set some ground rules regarding contact then everyone (including the kids) know where they are on what days. So set days after school for staying over with each of you and set school holidays, usually 50%. So for instance, dad has feb school hols, you have 1st week Easter, dad has 2nd week Easter. May sch hol with you, then summer hol spilt between the 2of you, i.e. You have 1,3,5th weeks and dad has the 2,4,6th weeks. Then alternate Christmas. Alternate weekends in between and alternate Christmas? That way you always know when you have the kids, the kids know where they are and you/they book holidays in your/their own time only. This is just my suggestion, his mums (gran) time comes out of dads time if it his family, not your time. And if he can’t provide a suitable bed for the kids to sleep in that’s another issue that will need resolving. Hope that helps4 February 2018 at 2:26 pm #7371
Thanks it does help but he won’t communicate he just abuses and sulks if he doesn’t get his demands I booked the 2 weeks that I am taking our boys away in September last year and told him the dates straight away but I am still trying to get dates off of him now he has 1 week booked so far and as mentioned earlier we have now both got Feb half term off as he didn’t reply so I booked off as obviously can’t leave booking school holidays off till the last minute he gave me the dates for another week off in August but the same week again that I have already booked a holiday for except he was asking from the Monday but I’m taking the boys away from the Saturday 2 days before but like I said I booked last September and told him. We can’t really alternate Xmas as we both work in retail so that’s why we shared the days there. That’s what I have explained to there grandparents but they won’t accept it and think they can all do as they please it’s like I’m invisible I’ve already been told I’m not a mother I’m just the thing that gave birth to them they are his kids I just fed up of it all now I’m dreading tomorrow as I know it is not going to work as he is very controlling his way or no way.4 February 2018 at 7:39 pm #7377
I think it is emotional abuse as they are making them feel worried about spending time with me if they ring my son goes bright red and I can see the worry on his face he not happy to receive there calls and texts and often asks what they are trying to say half the time and they apologise for there behaviour I have tried to be harder but they just use the boys and involve them it’s awful and no matter what I say he doesn’t listen.4 February 2018 at 9:04 pm #7383
Well as I mentioned above I have mediation tomorrow so hopefully will help5 February 2018 at 9:49 pm #7419
Khaleesi Mother Of DragonsParticipant
Hey H, how did mediation go?5 February 2018 at 10:06 pm #7420
It was very hard I have probably seen my ex for about 20 mins in total since last Feb then sat in a room for 2 hours feeling rather drained reliving the break up was not easy. We both spoke of current situation and now just to wait and see if any of the actions will happen im trying to be positive we will see. Thank you for asking