Stopping fathers contact

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  • #63958 Report

    Daniellalucy
    Participant

    Hi,

    Myself and ex partner have been separated for approx 8 years now and have three children together. Aged 13, 12 and 9.

    it’s always been a battle to get my eldest to go see his dad once a fortnight. Now he is older he basically has been refusing to go, trying to run away if he arrived to pick them up etc. This has been happening for the last two years so I allowed him to stay home as he has ASD and is quite complex with his behaviour, so can be quite challenging.

    There’s more to it but cutting a long story short his dad saw him one day when he was in the car with me and grabbed him round his neck, shouting swearing stating ‘you don’t get to ******* choose when you come it’s not your choice as you’re only 13’. I was trying to get him off but he was becoming more aggravated and thankfully a random person walking past started shouting at the dad and that turned his attention to arguing with the stranger stating to then ‘**** off I’ll do what I want it’s my child mind your own business’ etc. Police were contacted by myself and the person me ex had the altercation with.

    I drove away and they haven’t seen him since (July)… yesterday I received a solicitors letter stating that my ex wants contact with the children and because he was only given a caution from the police social services haven’t got any concerns and that they want a response with how to move forward. Or it’s going to go to mediation, court order etc

    I do not want my children to go, I do not have family for potential supervised contact, mediation will not help the fact that he is physically abusive, the children all do not want to go either. They are scared if him and feel happier and safer at home.

    if it went to court, how could a judge give their father a court order to see the children if he tried to strangle my eldest son? Surely that can not happen and the whole idea of going to court is stressful on top of being a single parent working full time. Any advice or anyone with any similar situations with a positive outcome?

    I just want my children to be safe, should I ignore the threatening letter from the solicitors?

    thanks

    #64060 Report

    Cjc493
    Participant

    First get some legal advice because what I say most certainly isn’t. Secondly a letter from a solicitor is just that a letter. Only the court can compel you to do something.

    Turning next to mediation – the court will expect you to have tried this before commencing proceedings unless there is a good reason not to, same goes for your ex. If you are convinced that mediation will not work the mediator may well agree and provide you the certificate for the court at the cost of about £100 which to be frank is loose change in private child proceedings.

    Your ex sounds like a delight btw, but could there be a possibility that the underlying cause is that they simply lack the tools needed to look after your son. Mediation could be a far cheaper way to getting them some parenting skills to be able to properly care for your autistic son and the other kids so they can have a healthy relationship.

    Anyway if you do end up in court you will have two items in your favour I think. The current status quo of the kids being with you full time and the incident in the car. I think it highly unluckily that any CAFCASS officer will ‘let that slide’ more likely they will take a risk adverse approach and look to explore this deeper, while perhaps recommending a contact centre or similar or indeed no contact in the interim.

    Finally go in with your eyes open unless you are intending on representing your self child proceedings are hideously expensive.

    #64068 Report

    GingerbreadHelen
    Keymaster

    Hi @Daniellalucy, I’m glad you have posted and wanted to point you towards some support: Where an ex partner has been physically abusive the normal rules about mediation change and it is important to get professional advice about this. Please do give our helpline a call to talk it through Helpline – Gingerbread. The National Domestic Abuse helpline will also be able to advise Home | Refuge National Domestic Abuse Helpline ). Best regards, and welcome to the forum.

     

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