Stopping children from meeting dad’s new partner a
23 December 2021 at 12:41 am #64090
This is a long one and I apologise in advance..
Basically myself and my kids father split 3 years ago .. after 2 years we decided to get back this lasted two weeks before he left me for a girl he was speaking to before we got back.. at the time he walked out my nan had just passed away I had let My guard down with him after 2years of being apart due to him being caught on dating profiles and messaging other girls. I have a 5yo and 6yo to him we were together 8 years. So he left me for this girl this girl messaged me abusive messages and was calling me every name under the sun we have never seen eye to eye since this happened and he left me for her. She fell pregnant after 5 months of them being together and are now having a baby in Feb.
The real problem is that my girls don’t know yet due to there father leaving me and having to tell them that plus that je has a new girlfriend and now he is forcing me to tell them he is having a baby with her and he wants them to meet baby and new partner ASAP! Issue is the woman he is with was so nasty and abusive towards me and I don’t want my children rouns that .. my girls gave struggled to cope with so much going on in short span of time amd just worry the baby situ will make them worse .. I’m just trying to be a good mum and not mess my children’s head up .. they see there father twice a week and I have never never stopped contact I let him use my house and I go out so he can spend time with them as he lives with new partner. But I feel he us going to do this behind my back with my kids and his new baby and gf
Do I have any rights to stop this happening without my permission? If he does do it behind my back do I stop contact ? I’m so confused of what to do
Also his family have been abusive in messages and phonecalls to be because I won’t let kids meet his partner yet23 December 2021 at 12:42 am #64091
I forgot to mention he was sleeing with me just before he told me about baby even though he knew .. he told me they had split up and did not mention anything about pregnancy or that they were still together23 December 2021 at 4:48 am #64092
I’m so sorry to hear what your going through. I can only share ny own experience and hope it helps a little.. I was with my ex 1 years, and from a broken family myself all I wished for was the ‘perfect’ family so when we split when our son was 6 months I was heart broken. My ex had affair, I ended it the day I found outs then he buggered off for months with the girl. I was so set on not letting my son meet his dads girlfriend for the fear they would replace me as mum, my son was my world and I was scared this would change so Made jy feelings clear. Although my ex acknowledged these I was made aware the girl did meet me son on 1 occassion. This relationship didn’t last long and mg ex had new partner? Again I expressed concerns about her meeting my son, this time I was not only thinking as a mother but also as a daughter of a father who had anumerous partners, some I adored, but some who hated me and caused many problems. He didn’t introduce them, howeve used this as an excuse numerous times not to take our son to his flat because she was there. Over the 2 years I realised my bond with my son was like no other, he knew I was one who done everything and was always there so I began to let my guard down. My ex now on 3rd gf, bare In mind he tried to come back many times to which I refused, settled i. Own home nearly 2 years but still makes my life awkward. To begin with the gf would ignore my son, which annoyed me but I understood her intention was because she was scared to over step the mark. I offered to meet and talk with her but my ex put stop to that, mainly as scared I would tell his secrets etc, again from my own parents seperation I know them being civil meant the world to me so I was aiming for the same. They’ve been together nearly 2 years and I’ve split from my x nearly 4 and we are no further forward. He uses her not being his mum as an excuse not lol o keep over night when work as she won’t keep him herself, basically using my initial concerns against me. I’ve outright said I’m happy for her to help etc which has never been followed through and from what I hear my son is never priority, always second best and left to his dad when there. Although it annoyed me I learnt to accept it, however now she posts the family Xmas pj pick and Santa visit on fb as a family, which infuriated me as was all show. With all that being said I have met her in passing, always been nice etc but I feel my ex stirs so much he has filled her head with lies about me. We know each other so we’ll, I can see when he’s being off etc. Although I would love us to all get along like my mum, dad and his wife, I can never see it happening. My son has witnessed his dad bad mouth etc, although it’s hard to avoid I maintain a nuetral feeling about his dad and partner when infront of my son. at 4 he knows how I feel about them, allowing him to speak opening about time there etc and knowing his dad/ gf feelings about me. Lucky enough it’s going in my favour as my son continues to see me as his safe person and the one who is there for him. Although my ex done wrong he’s very bitter and I know he will never let us be civil so I’m trying not to let that cloud my judgement on His gf. I will bide my time, Aslong as my son is happy so am I but as soo. As anything goes wrong they will hear me lol I know this is not what h want to hear, but the most I learnt was our actions have consequences, so only follow through with them if it’s what u really want and not from spite cx23 December 2021 at 4:52 am #64093
I would also like to note as the middle sibling but only daughter with a dad who had many partners I’ve witnessed it all.. the main partner he had growing up, although they clashed often, was lovely, she even continued to sent bday and Xmas cards/ gifts years after they split. However I’ve also dealt with jealous partners who would speak to me because he would give me more attention. Even current wife, although on face value seems lovely, has sly digs about what he does for me and how I sit back and she has to help. Many times I’ve wanted to confront it but knowing how happy they are I’ve left it be. seeing this is reason why I tried to make it work, but I know there’s some people you will never manage to get though to x23 December 2021 at 5:00 am #64094
Sorry to add another message but after re reading your comments I just wanted to make sure I got my point across. Basically every situation is completing different and only you know how to deal with it. Look at the pros and cons of allowing visits/ access, what good or harm will it cause, does it need to be down gradually, do other factors need to be considered.
although I would never advise fully stopping fathers contact as this could backfire with ur children resenting your decisions. I would always pu the ball back in his court, however with your requests. Make sure these are reasonable because when he fails to meet them and tries to blame you, you will have plenty proof to back you up. My own example is more along lines of advising when holidays were, I consistently gave possible dates and confirmed as soon as booked, Blackpool for October week. He went to Blackpool for September weekend with gf and used excuse he didn’t take our son because I was already going few weeks later. I then found out his full extended family, cousins etc also went and met up while there, I was eating as my son was only one left out, he blamed me for this’d but I knew and had evidence of several messages about holidays and dates etc, not one he replied to though. I knew I was in the right not him x