Still struggling

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  • #31127 Report

    • First time on here so please be kind. Middle aged mum separated 2years now getting divorced, having early help assessment for family and one child being assessed for asd. Feeling very lonely not ready for another relationship but missing all the good parts, becoming isolated and not confident going anywhere alone unless for a specific purpose, worried about financial pressure and constant low mood, waiting for cbt therapy, feel like there’s no way forward at all. Thought it would get better or is this as good as it gets?
    #31131 Report


    Hi, I’m going through this too. I’ve just turned 40. I have a 2 and 3 year old, very difficult, upsetting and hard. Emotionally it gets to me, but I’m staying strong for my two, but also strong for myself as I am no good to the kids if I let it effect my health. Stay strong, talk to people about your struggle and emotions, don’t be scared to cry in front of others and that’s coming from a man, I’ve let it out, I felt better after and people help because they can see my struggle, see I’m human and see my love for my kids

    #31133 Report


    Sounds like your having a tough time of it at the moment…but I’m sure it will get better…it’s not as good as it gets. The loneliness is a sore one..I’m sure most on here can relate to that and hope someone that has got over that might reply and help you with that…and the worries you have about your finances, is there may be someone you can speak to about that that might be able to help you. You might just need to try something that makes you feel better about yourself that will help making your confidence grow in you. Sorry I can’t be much help but sounds like you could do with some help…I know what you mean about the relationship thing sometimes it would be nice to just have someone to give you a nice cuddle or be there if you need them…but I think if you get your confidence back then that will come…good luck and keep your head up and look after youself.

    #31157 Report


    It does get better. I separated after 20 years earlier this year, and although you will have waves occasionally, they do get less and less. It can take time, but it will get better.

    When the waves came, I just sat and rode them out (rather than trying to keep busy to avoid them); I also kept a journal which I use to “think on paper”, which helped me to make sense of the waves and what was going on, and to plan for the future when I was having an “ok” moment.

    I went through the stages – telling kids, telling family, going public to friends, to colleagues at work – difficult at each stage, but once it’s done, it gets easier.

    I now have a much better relationship with both my kids, and with myself – and the confidence returns over time. Just know that sometimes things aren’t meant to be, but you never know on a more positive note what is round the corner; life gets brighter, and you’ll feel better as time goes on.

    Time will vary for everyone, but I promise it will get better; I know it does, and whilst there will be waves, just know that the clouds will clear, and your life will get better. Remember – after the rain comes the Sun ☀️

    #31159 Report


    Hi Frazzled.

    Welcome to the forum 🙂

    As you’ve read from the great posts above things will get better, you will get through this difficult time and you are going to be ok.

    It does feel overwhelming to begin with but day by day things (financially, emotionally  and practically) will sort themselves out.


    #31166 Report


    Yeah you are on the right track after this divorce curveball. It’s been many years since I broke up with my son’s father. Now he is older and I find more options open to me, I can fully relax and look to the future. I went to a stress management course nearly a year ago which helped a lot. Earlier this year I reached out and joined a few writing groups. Having a hobby is really healthy. Its always nice being in a relationship, if its a good one. It helps to learn to live with your own company as I do most evenings.

    If you are worried about finances etc there is a wealth of advice out there. Look after yourself 😀

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